Overuse of "I" in First Person

It would be intrusive, I guess, if you started sentences over and over with I. "I did this. I did that. I didn't like it much. I wheezed. I cringed. I cried. I wished myself dead. I wanted to gouge out my eyes after reading so much dreadful, mechanically repetitive prose..."

I went to the store and I bought some eggs so I could make breakfast. I paid with a twenty and I had to wait for the cashier to give me my change, then I dropped the change in the charity jar. I always like to do that since I have a brother who survived a big disaster.

On the way home I stopped by the flower shop and I bought some roses for my wife. I married her just after highschool and I still love her like I did then.

OK, extream but I have seen stuff written with this many I's. UGH Same as any other overused word, if it can be worded without the I then do it.

Shawn

SRHowen said:

I went to the store and I bought some eggs so I could make breakfast. I paid with a twenty and I had to wait for the cashier to give me my change, then I dropped the change in the charity jar. I always like to do that since I have a brother who survived a big disaster.

On the way home I stopped by the flower shop and I bought some roses for my wife. I married her just after highschool and I still love her like I did then.

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You know, you could turn that exact passage into a third person POV by replacing the I with the character's name, and it would still be awful for exactly the same reason. It's not a problem exclusive to first person writing, although third person gives you extra pronouns to avoid the problem.

The best solution all round would be to vary the length and complexity of sentences -- short sentences next to long sentences, complex next to compound and simple sentences -- anything to avoid the I... I... I... or the Fred... Fred... Fred...

SRHowen said:

I went to the store and I bought some eggs so I could make breakfast. I paid with a twenty and I had to wait for the cashier to give me my change, then I dropped the change in the charity jar. I always like to do that since I have a brother who survived a big disaster.

On the way home I stopped by the flower shop and I bought some roses for my wife. I married her just after highschool and I still love her like I did then.

OK, extream but I have seen stuff written with this many I's. UGH Same as any other overused word, if it can be worded without the I then do it.

Shawn

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Well now, if you write a novel in the first person (and there are authors that do) the use of the word 'I' is inevitable. So I guess the question is: How do you keep those 'I's to a reasonably acceptable level.
In the above example that Shawn gave, I (or should I say One) could say:

I went to the store and bought some eggs so I could make breakfast. I paid with a twenty and had to wait for the cashier to give me my change, then dropped the change in the charity jar. I always like to do that since I have a brother who survived a big disaster.

On the way home I stopped by the flower shop and bought some roses for my wife. I married her just after highschool and still love her like I did then

O.k., I reduced Shawn's 13 I's to 8. I don't know how much of an improvement that is.

Here are the first few paragraphs of a novel I'm working on that is written in first character.
We've been through this before, haven't we? All this fuss and bother just because it's my birthday. Ma knows I hate birthday parties, but she has to make a big deal out of everything. Oh, I know what she'll say: she'll tell me today is my first real birthday in four years and I shouldn't spoil her plans.

Not that I really want to. It's just that today is a bad day for me to be having a party on account of what happened on Friday between me and Ned Kastner. Boy oh boy, that was one hell of a fight we got into, with me, naturally, getting the worst of it.

I stand naked in front of the mirror, looking at my bruised face. The swelling around my left eye has gone down a bit, but it's still noticeable enough for Pa to ask me questions to which he already knows the answers. Damn it, I hate it when he does that. He knows very well it was Ned Kastner; practically everybody in Sunriver and Arrowhead knows Ned and I are fighting because of that damn ***** Cynthia Sherman.


There are 7 I's in these three paragraphs. Of course if your novel has about 410,000 words, there will be a lot more I's.

Thekherham said:

I went to the store and bought some eggs so I could make breakfast. I paid with a twenty and had to wait for the cashier to give me my change, then dropped the change in the charity jar. I always like to do that since I have a brother who survived a big disaster.

On the way home I stopped by the flower shop and bought some roses for my wife. I married her just after highschool and still love her like I did then

O.k., I reduced Shawn's 13 I's to 8. I don't know how much of an improvement that is.

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I went to the store and bought some eggs for breakfast. I paid with a twenty then dropped the change in the charity jar. I've always like to do that since my brother survived a big disaster.

On the way home I stopped by the flower shop and bought some roses for my wife. We married just after highschool and still love each other like back then.

Four I's. Brutally ugly piece, but we get the idea.

SRHowen said:

I went to the store and I bought some eggs so I could make breakfast. I paid with a twenty and I had to wait for the cashier to give me my change, then I dropped the change in the charity jar. I always like to do that since I have a brother who survived a big disaster.

On the way home I stopped by the flower shop and I bought some roses for my wife. I married her just after highschool and I still love her like I did then.

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At the store, I bought some eggs to make breakfast. The change that the cashier gave me from a twenty went into the charity jar [hey, Shawn, that's a lot of change; how many dozen eggs do you buy for one breakfast, anyway?]. I always like to do that, since my brother survived a big disaster.

On the way home, I stopped by the flower shop and bought some roses for my wife. We married just after high school, and I still love her as much as then.

That brings the "I" count down to four.

Who's next?

reph said:

At the store, I bought some eggs to make breakfast. The change that the cashier gave me from a twenty went into the charity jar [hey, Shawn, that's a lot of change; how many dozen eggs do you buy for one breakfast, anyway?]. I always like to do that, since my brother survived a big disaster.

On the way home, I stopped by the flower shop and bought some roses for my wife. We married just after high school, and I still love her as much as then.

That brings the "I" count down to four.

Who's next?

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At the store, while buying eggs to make breakfast -- the change that the cashier gave me from a twenty went into the charity jar. Doing so, gave me pleasure, because my brother survived a big disaster.

On the way home, I stopped by the flower shop and bought some roses for my wife. We married just after high school, and I still love her as much as then.

That brings the "I" count down to two.

Who's next?

Thekherham said:

I went to the store and bought some eggs so I could make breakfast. I paid with a twenty and had to wait for the cashier to give me my change, then dropped the change in the charity jar. I always like to do that since I have a brother who survived a big disaster.

On the way home I stopped by the flower shop and bought some roses for my wife. I married her just after highschool and still love her like I did then

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I went to the store and bought some eggs for breakfast. A twenty went to the cashier and the change went to the charity jar. Giving feels good -- and my brother who survived a disaster would agree.

A quick stop at the flower shop before going home, and a quick purchase of roses for the wife. Married since just after high school, and the love is still as strong.

We needed eggs for breakfast. The coins the cashier handed over went straight into the charity box. Since my brother lived through the earthquake, donating to charity has become a habit.

Passing the flower shop, during the leisurely stroll home, the fresh sweet smell of the roses wafted my way. Red roses like those given to Sally when we met all those years ago. My love for her had only strengthened during our life together. Would she love this dozen as much or more than the earlier ones?

Not a single 'I'.

TashaGoddard said:

Would she love this dozen as much or more than the earlier ones?

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The dozen eggs or the dozen roses?

For the bonus round, who can reduce the I's to a negative number?

The dozen eggs or the dozen roses?

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Hee. Well, the eggs of course! There's so much more you can do with them. Roses just stand there and die.

Excessive I's come from not really taking on the character's point of view. The character see 'from' I, not 'at' I.

'I' Can be Good.

I don't think that overuse of 'I' in first person writing is a particular hazard for a good writer, anymore than overuse of the protagonist's name is a hazard in third person. If a writer is unable to tell that their writing is repetitive and dull in the first person, they're likely going to have the same problems in writing a third person narrative.

The last thing we should be doing is making people afraid to use 'I' in first person, since the ability to do so is one of the strengths of a first person narrative. Take the sample below. 'I' is used four times, and each time it grounds the story that is being told, reminding us that this is something 'real', something deeply important to the narrator:

My first memory is of the smell of sun-warmed earth. I must have been very small – perhaps only two or three years old. I remember my mother’s hands, stubby-fingered and callused, covered with soil as she gently eased a plant from the ground. She talked quietly to me as she worked, explaining that the plant lived by spreading roots through the earth, taking moisture and nourishment from the land, and using the warmth of the sun to grow strong.

She told me the name of the herb she tended – Lady’s Hook – and its uses in cooking and medicine, and described how it might be dried or steeped in oil. And then, when the plant had been carefully potted, she cupped a handful of the rich dark soil, and showed me its power.

Before my wondering eyes, each tiny particle sprung to life, shining and beautiful, awash with eddying power. Astonished, I lifted my eyes to look at my mother’s garden. I could see the same beauty in the and in the trees that ringed us. The clouds above us were alive too – the current of life even swirled in the air.


See? Without 'I' much of the poignancy and intensity of the piece would be lost and it would become rather pointless.

Anatole Ghio said:

I went to the store and bought some eggs for breakfast. A twenty went to the cashier and the change went to the charity jar. Giving feels good -- and my brother who survived a disaster would agree.

A quick stop at the flower shop before going home, and a quick purchase of roses for the wife. Married since just after high school, and the love is still as strong.

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But you wouldn't write an entire story... or novel that way, Anatole.

The use of 'I' in a first person story is inevitable, it's just a matter of how much you use it.

Thekherham said:

But you wouldn't write an entire story... or novel that way

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Why not?

I don't think no use of I in a first person is what anyone wants, in my example I went overboard for the very reason to show how some new writers do first person.

I write first person. My entry in the AW idol was in first person, the novel my agent is shopping is in first person--and my own agent has said he does not care for first person novels from new novelists as it can be a crutch.

It can be done well. As with any other POV you want to make the reader feel they are experiancing the story rather than looking in from the outside.

I post a chunk of my stuff here, but you can go see it at the AW idol thread I am the first entry.

And I just realized I have to go out the door to work right n . . . .

I think anything can be over used.

Thank you, Steve. This is a great thread, by the way. Good writing!

Yes, yes. Overusing "I" is a big problem. But try not to try TOO hard to get rid of it either. "I" can be very powerful, if you write it well.

I

These examples are as good or better than I could do.

The point isn't to get rid of "I" in first person, but not to overdue it. There's no need for an "I" in every sentence, but this is what many first time writers do. But the real problem with using "I" too often is that a new writer who does this often forgets the external part of the story.

For whatever reason, new writers who try first person do overuse "I" more than new writers who try third person overuse "he" or "she." But the thing is this: even when new writers overuse "he" and "she," they are probably still externalizing much of the story. New writers who overuse "I" not only read poorly, they tend to internalize everything.

New third person writers may head-hop, or suddenly switch to omniscient viewpoint because they don't know how to show what other characters are thinking or feeling without doing this, but at least they are making an effort to externalize. New first person writers nearly always internalize far too much because they have no idea how to tell the story that's outside the protagonist.

This is usually why "I" is so overused. The writer stays inside the first person narrator, so everything is "I," everything is internal.

The overuse of "I" is almost always just a symptom of the real problem. Any good editor can eliminate a great many "I's" without too much trouble, but this doesn't solve the real problem, which is over-internalization. Line editing takes a lot of time, and even when you finish it, there's a good chance that what you have left is still mostly internal.

What the story means to the protagonist, how it affects him, is internal, but the story itself is external. How events affect the protagonist is internal, but the events themselves are external.

But it's really where other characters are concerned that this becomes a huge problem. How the protagonist feels about other characters is internal, how the things they do affect him is also internal, but the characters have lives and feelings and hopes and beliefs that are all external to the protagonist. There's a whole world filled with people and events that are external to the protagonist.

New first person writers who overuse "I" tend to leave most or all of this external world out. In the hands of a new writer, leaving out the external is a byproduct of overusing "I." When a new first person writer learns to automatically look outside the protagonist, to use "a," "the," "it," "they," "she," "he," "his," "hers," etc., without thinking about it, odds are he will also start getting the external into the story.

There are exceptions to everything, but most good fiction is a balance of the internal and the external. Even dramatic or objective viewpoint, which is wholly external, still tries to show the internal through external events and reactions.

Objective viewpoint is, in fact, a great viewpoint for first person writers to learn. It teaches you how to show the internal through action and reaction, and all without the need of going into another character's head. Inability to do this is a common failing with both new first and third person writers. New first person writers just avoid showing the internal lives of others, and new third person writers tend to head-hop or suddenly jump into omniscient viewpoint to get the job done. Dramatic or objective viewpoint teaches that neither is necessary.

Jamesaritchie said:

The overuse of "I" is almost always just a symptom of the real problem. Any good editor can eliminate a great many "I's" without too much trouble, but this doesn't solve the real problem, which is over-internalization.

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Very enlightening, Jamesaritchie. Thanks!

I'm intrigued by your comment that "fixing" the overuse of "I" does not solve the real problem of over-internalization. Can you expound some on over-internalization?

You see, several books I've read suggest replacing a sentence such as "I looked at the clock" with "My eyes darted to the clock." This is only one sentence with no context, but I'm wondering if you can use it or something like it to explain the concepts of over-internalization/externalization a little more. In particular, what is it that I am truly trying to fix when I pull up one of my essays and am accosted by too many "I"s?

To me... why do we have to write "I looked at the clock" or "my eyes darted at the clock?" In first person, everything is observed/thought by the narrator, so just say: "The clock on the wall looked stupid. It was stuck at four-thirty."

Same with sentences such as "I heard a noise" or "I saw her looking at me." How about simply "a noise startled me" or "she looked at me"?

Over-internalization. That's a tough one. Some people think a first person book must include tons and tons of reflection, internal thoughts and introspection. But in novel, that goes against "show, don't tell." There needs to be a balance.