When you tell people you're writing a novel...

IBleedWords · May 27, 2008

...do you get embarrassed? I don't know why, but I always feel like people secretly think I'm crazy. And I HATE the question, "What is your book about?". I always feel so self-conscious and it comes out sounding really juvenile when I tell people the basic plot. I have taken to telling people that find out I am writing a book that I don't really want to share what it's about because it might change.

If I ever get my novel published, I am assuming I will feel a little more secure about it. Until then I am guessing my options are to not tell anyone I'm writing a book or continue to be embarrassed. Of course, my husband usually volunteers the book-writing information for me even though I've asked him not to.

I guess my problem is that my primary social group is the corporate or government/military type. Very few right-brainers in my circle...

Bubastes · May 27, 2008

I don't tell people I write. Not even my SO. I find that talking about my WIP saps the energy right out of it.

Charlie Horse · May 27, 2008

I find myself talking less and less to people I know about my writing, even though in my mind being a writer validates me as a contributing member of the planet. Not saying that anyone who knows me well doesn't know that I'm a writer, it's just not something I go on about anymore because I finally realized that most people won't get it anyway.

God I sound cynical and jaded don't I?

SPMiller · May 27, 2008

I don't shy away from telling people I'm an aspiring novelist.

If they get that smug look--you know the one I'm talking about--I transition smoothly into discussing computational linguistics and computation theory in terms only postgrads can understand.

And then I follow up by asking what they do for a living.

Wipes that smirk right off their faces, I tell you what.

Phaeal · May 27, 2008

I only tell those who might be interested, like other writers, or avid readers, or artists in other fields.

Not that I'd refuse to talk about writing to the non-bookcentric. I'd just keep a close watch on their eyes and cease as the glazing commences, which can be a matter of seconds.

I don't think writers get it much worse than other enthusiasts. Many people seem unable to take an interest in anything that doesn't directly concern them, which is very sad to me. They may only want to talk about their kids, or their sports teams, or their jobs, or their hobbies.

They miss so much. Writers should beware of such apathy. Take an interest in the dullest conversation, really pay attention, and you'll learn something about the subject or the person or human nature that may serve you well in your work.

tehuti88 · May 27, 2008

Absolutely no one in my family (I have no friends or anything) cares for writing, so I don't talk about it to them anymore. They think writing is useful only if it's making money, and considering that I just want to entertain people, what I do is then considered useless. They know I write, but they don't care, and even if they were to ask by now about it, I've grown too ashamed of it to bother describing it at all. It just feels terribly trivial compared to what they do. At least their hobbies make money. When I have mentioned my writing to them, their responses have basically been "How do you know anybody is actually reading it?"; "Somebody will probably just steal it"; and "I think you should stop that story (a long one) and start another." *sigh*

Even if someone asks what a story of mine is about I, too, can't really go into detail because it's been my experience that when people ask about one's writing, they're just being polite and they don't really want to know much. Especially seeing that I write about subjects that most people find dreadfully dull (mythology) or tacky (fantasy); I know that the moment I start trying to describe the plot their eyes are going to glaze over and they'll start looking around for a clock or something and want to leave. In a therapy session once, when a psychologist asked about my writing, all I could do was squirm and cry and insist that I couldn't tell, like it was some kind of horrid secret. It's not that I don't WANT to talk about my writing; I'm just so tired of boring people off when all I want to do is entertain them. It really hurts to love writing so much when everyone around you can't stand it!

Even on writing forums, I don't tend to go into many specifics of my writing, because unlike 99% of the other people in these places I'm not looking to get published. It makes me feel like "not-quite-a-writer." Like, what business do I have sharing my stuff with real writers? They're looking to make a living; I'm just looking for like-minded readers. I must just be in this for "ego-stroking." I always feel like people will think I'm a hack or something, because I'm not literary and I'm not seeking to make a living from it. Really frustrating.

Oh. Add to this the fact that my "novels" run upwards of over a hundred chapters and hundreds of thousands of words each, and it's rather hard to summarize them quickly anyway, so what's the point?

Charlie Horse · May 27, 2008

tehuti88 said:
Absolutely no one in my family (I have no friends or anything) cares for writing, so I don't talk about it to them anymore. They think writing is useful only if it's making money, and considering that I just want to entertain people, what I do is then considered useless. They know I write, but they don't care, and even if they were to ask by now about it, I've grown too ashamed of it to bother describing it at all. It just feels terribly trivial compared to what they do. At least their hobbies make money. When I have mentioned my writing to them, their responses have basically been "How do you know anybody is actually reading it?"; "Somebody will probably just steal it"; and "I think you should stop that story (a long one) and start another." *sigh*

A.) You should never be ashamed of anything you pursue with gusto and enjoyment. You should be ashamed if you have a burning desire to write and don't because you're concerned about the reaction of others.

B.) Making money at something does not validate it as being worthwhile. Corporate executives make tons of money doing what they do, which in many cases is degrading the quality of our planet and society. Go figure. There are many great writers, artists, musicians, teachers, etc., who will never become rich doing what they do. They do it because of their passion, because the option for not doing it doesn't exist. Certainly doesn't make what they do invalid.

Now, is there someplace I can stash this soapbox until someone else needs it?

Kate Thornton · May 27, 2008

When people ask, I tell them that after having over 70 short stories in print, I thought I'd try my hand at a novel, but that as it involves gruesome details, I'd rather not discuss the plot. Then I get really enthusiastic about my painting and watch their interest dim, eyes glaze over and see them shuffle away...very satisfying.

But most people don't ask - they don't *really* want details - they just want a way to begin talking about themselves and their own accomplishments. If I am feeling gregarious, I draw them out about their own lives and absorb the input for future reference. It's all grist for the rich mill.

Elodie-Caroline · May 27, 2008

Besides my husband, everyone I like to socialise with, are avid books readers. I suppose I'm lucky really, as I have only ever gotten interested and excited replies when I've told the people I know that I'm writing novels. They all want to read them and all want signed copies, probably free ones too!

Elodie

Sassee · May 27, 2008

Just be confident about whatever it is you're doing. People know instantly when you're not secure with yourself (or your writing) and generally you will get asked more questions if you appear to be nervous about giving answers. It's human nature. I used to be embarrassed to tell people I write in my spare time and now I have taken the stance of "this is what I do... if you don't like it, f*** you." Not that I say that to their faces, mind you, but when anyone asks what I like to do in my free time I tell them up front that I write. When asked what I write, I say "urban fantasy" as if it's the most normal, acceptable thing ever. If they want to know more they'll ask. If they don't they won't. If no one breeches the subject, I just don't mention it.

SPMiller said:
I don't shy away from telling people I'm an aspiring novelist.

If they get that smug look--you know the one I'm talking about--I transition smoothly into discussing computational linguistics and computation theory in terms only postgrads can understand.

And then I follow up by asking what they do for a living.

Wipes that smirk right off their faces, I tell you what.

LOL!

Topaz044 · May 27, 2008

Eh, I pretty much tell everyone I write-my coworkers got a strong hint when I was madly jotting down stuff in my notebook on my break. But unless I'm really close with the person (like family) I won't really go into details much.

Melenka · May 27, 2008

Half the people I know are writing something - novels, fan fic, articles for professional journals, etc. - so I have a strong base of people I can talk to about writing. I try not to talk about my WIP specifically because I would rather they read it with fresh eyes. My husband understands how important writing is to me and lends his support by giving technical advice and a fresh perspective when I'm stuck.

Other than friends and family, I only tell people I really like and the response tends to be "Really? How cool! Can I read it?" One more advantage to working at a university, I suppose.

ACEnders · May 27, 2008

I thought I was the only one!!! I do too! I feel like people are going to look at me like I'm crazy to actually believe I can do that. Or like it's not a big deal at all.

Polenth · May 27, 2008

I'm not worried about telling people my hobbies. I've been considered crazy all my life, so I've long since stopped worrying about that. I don't bore them with the gritty details if I can avoid it, but if they want a run-down of what I do in my free time, I tell them.

That's not to say I get crazy looks for writing. It's one of my least unusual hobbies. The ones that get crazy looks are knot tying and keeping cockroaches as pets.

DeleyanLee · May 27, 2008

If someone asks me what I do, I saw that I'm "Radar O'Reily to some great docs for a living and I write Historical Fiction for fun." Since I'm unpublished, it's about right. Usually people pick up on the "historical" part, if they pick up on anything, and we often discuss various eras and/or research techniques.

Should I start making money at writing, then I'll change my response. Once I say "for fun" that takes any expectation of money out of the picture.

Honestly, I don't see why anyone thinks hobbies should be income-generating. Income-generating makes it a job, not a hobby. By definition, a hobby is done out of goals outside of money. It's something you do to relax and enjoy. Hobbies are supposed to give you a break from income-generating activities.

Of course, I could just be showing my advancing age with that definition too. Which is totally possible.

Kalyke · May 27, 2008

Inevitably, when I tell people I write, they begin to talk about money. They have the idea that all writers are millionaires. I actually aspire to make a good chunk of my yearly income with writing, but I never thought I would get rich off it. They ask, oh, have I ever heard of you? As though I can tell them who they have heard of. Then they ask what type of writing I do. I tell them novels that are somewhat "Action adventures." but are really something else. "Oh, then tell me the plot." I seriously do not want to get into the conversation that starts, "Well, it's about this guy---"

I'm not embarrassed at all. I just do not like the instant conversation about money, or whether I have been published or not.

I've also had to play a part in the scene where the person I told at one time brings me one of those tiny pocket spiral notebooks filled with itty bitty writing and say, if you write this book for me, I'll split the money with you. God God, man! What money!

So what's it about?
What would have happened if the Confederacy had won the Civil War.
Jehoshaphat! Didn't Jules Verne write that?

Then he expects me to work for hours on a plot and so on for him.

I also had one where an illiterate manager was taking an English class and made me work on his writing assignments over my lunch break on pain of losing my job. That one was fun.

narnia · May 27, 2008

Elodie-Caroline said:
Besides my husband, everyone I like to socialise with, are avid books readers. I suppose I'm lucky really, as I have only ever gotten interested and excited replies when I've told the people I know that I'm writing novels. They all want to read them and all want signed copies, probably free ones too!

Elodie

I guess I am pretty lucky as well. I don't think I've had one negative reaction (well, maybe from my boss because he says he'll be toast if I ever quit, don't think he's got anything to worry about for awhile!) when I share that I am an aspiring novelist. In fact, I find their enthusiam quite inspiring. When I outline the basic plot (of the current wip) I get various reactions (chief among them don't tell us how it ends, we want to read it for ourselves!!), ranging from suggestions as to plot (no matter how off base at the time I note them all, you never know...) to "can I be in one of your books?" To the last I always ask, good guy, bad guy, corpse, etc., which provides me with an endless supply of characters, as well as future fans!

Personally, I think my only embarrassment will be if I don't follow through after all of the years I've spent in pursuit of this dream, no matter how it ends.

And to those who think wanting to write a book is 'not cool', well, I say everyone is entitled to their own dreams and don't let them deter you.

:Sun:

III · May 27, 2008

I've never had anything but positive feedback and genuine inquisitiveness when I tell people that I write, but yeah, I still feel like a schmuck during the initial conversation because I'm naturally shy. I'm the same way about music - I hate talking to people after a show, even if they loved it; it just makes me uncomfortable. But even with the neurosis I think it's still important to create and put your work out there, otherwise you just shrivel up.

Inky · May 27, 2008

I've been able to use it as a source of having the last laugh.
Why?
Never fails, we move into a neighborhood--Military, so we're moving quite often--and there's ALWAYS one wife on the block that, after a few days of seeing that I'm home all day, will comment something to the tune of: 'Oh, I see you don't work. Since you have so much time on your hands, I'm in need of a babysitter.'

Grrr.

My response: I'm an author

'Oh, do you write children's stories?'

'No. Epic fantasy--dark fantasy.'

Blank look follows before, 'So, you don't babysit?'
'Not if you value the life of your children, I don't.'

Word gets 'round very quickly. I'm immediately taken off nanny projects.

I've had neighbors actually become rather rude with their commentary that I'm a hermit and anti-social. They're shocked to find out that I'm in the house, researching and writing...no different than if I were gone all day at a 'real' job.

*Shrug*

My personal faves are people who decide that, since I'm a writer, I'm going to pen their biographies. Um, ooookay. I just give 'em Jenna's name

I've even had one person stop speaking to me because she felt my gargoyle characters meant that I'm a devil worshipper. Had I known it would be that easy to get rid of her, I'd have installed a gargoyle statue on my front porch. Baffoon. She would actually pull her children closer to her when I'd approach the bus stop with my own kids. Too funny.

So, 'admitting' you're a writer...well...you get all kinds of reactions--meet all kinds of people.

What's REALLY sad is when you PREFER the company of your characters....er...like I do!

stormie · May 27, 2008

Inky said:
My personal faves are people who decide that, since I'm a writer, I'm going to pen their biographies.

I've lost count of the people who've asked me that. Or said they had a friend who's life is sooo interesting it would sell a million copies.

What's REALLY sad is when you PREFER the company of your characters....er...like I do!

Yep. Especially the quirky ones.

Inky · May 27, 2008

Use Her Name said:
Inevitably, when I tell people I write, they begin to talk about money. They have the idea that all writers are millionaires. I actually aspire to make a good chunk of my yearly income with writing, but I never thought I would get rich off it. They ask, oh, have I ever heard of you? As though I can tell them who they have heard of. Then they ask what type of writing I do. I tell them novels that are somewhat "Action adventures." but are really something else. "Oh, then tell me the plot." I seriously do not want to get into the conversation that starts, "Well, it's about this guy---"

I'm not embarrassed at all. I just do not like the instant conversation about money, or whether I have been published or not.

I've also had to play a part in the scene where the person I told at one time brings me one of those tiny pocket spiral notebooks filled with itty bitty writing and say, if you write this book for me, I'll split the money with you. God God, man! What money!

So what's it about?
What would have happened if the Confederacy had won the Civil War.
Jehoshaphat! Didn't Jules Verne write that?

Then he expects me to work for hours on a plot and so on for him.

I also had one where an illiterate manager was taking an English class and made me work on his writing assignments over my lunch break on pain of losing my job. That one was fun.

Soooo true!!! I bought a new Volvo last year (big whoop) and take annual trips to Scotland both for research & to simply hang out with the locals...and the assumption is that I'm making a mint from my writing career; hence, the car & trips. Pfff. No, it's called major budgeting & husband is now a high enough military rank that we can afford nicer things...not to mention, we started saving a bundle once my son moved out. My God, teen boys can EAT!!!!

But I'm waved off & told I'm just being modest. Um, oookay.

Inky · May 27, 2008

Okay, Stormie, I clicked on your link...and giggled over the article...or did you mean THIS is you??

IBleedWords · May 27, 2008

Inky, I'm a military spouse, too. Yes, I love the automatic babysitting/nannying assumptions. Up until March, I worked for the government. Now I am self-employed and work from home. Of course, people assume I don't work and since I am a military spouse, they assume I want to babysit. I doubt I'd get asked if they read the cocaine scene in my current WIP.

stormie · May 27, 2008

Inky said:
Okay, Stormie, I clicked on your link...and giggled over the article...or did you mean THIS is you??

Stew21 · May 27, 2008

If it comes up naturally in conversation I don't feel awkward at all. If someone who already knows mentions it to someone else in conversation such as the other night, "How's the book coming along?" to me with an aside to someone else, "Trish writes novels", I get ridiculously uncomfortable.
"Really? You write novels? Have you published them?" comes first. Then, "what's it about?" I give an awkward two sentence answer that I know sounds stupid and in return get a blank stare that could only come before one response. "Interesting." (which of course is said because she was taught that if she couldn't say anything nice not to say anything at all, and interesting is as close as she can get to nothing at all.)
She inquires about publishing again. I explain - in order to get published by a reputable firm, I have to have an agent, which requires a query letter that has to stand out of the slush pile.
She kindly suggests that I use a different color paper to stand out from the stack. Now it's my turn for the blank stare, and fighting the urge to say "Interesting" back to her, instead I say, "most of them get sent by email nowadays."
"Oh."

Yea...that ended that conversation.

It all works out just fine if I'm the one who mentions it to someone in the natural flow of conversation, because I already have a read on whether or not it's something they can comprehend. Those surprise attack, "You write?' comments are the hard ones.

When you tell people you're writing a novel...

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