Hi again!
Please check the Newbies forum so you get all the rules here.
You need to put your exerpt in the
Share Your Work forum. It has a large romance section.
The password is vista.
You can delete your excerpt here and repost it there.
One of the courtesies is post feedback to get feedback!
Read feedback others leave for other writers to get the hang of things.
Be braced for honesty. This isn't a shark tank where they rip you up, but neither is it a touchy-feeling hug-a-thon.
If you're lucky you'll get what you need to bring your writing up to a professional level.
Such as:
Prologue
(Location?) 1530
The
huge majestic (most castles are both huge and majestic, so careful about using too many descriptives) castle was eerily silent.
You could hear (who is "you"? Unless this is first person and the narrator is addressing the reader, this is jarring.) the wind
blw blew through
t the cracks between the stones
, (If the castle is silent, you can't be hearing the wind blowing.) and
an owl hoot
eding off in the distance. The full moon shone
down brightly on his head. He
is (present tense is a HUGE no-no) out in the cool night air calming
down from the heated argument he had with his father eairlier that night.
(This is rather awkward phrasing, consider rewriting to simplify.)
The cleaned up rewrite:
The castle was eerily silent, except when the wind gusted unevenly between the grey, chill stones. An owl hooted in the distance, as though calling to the full moon rising over the eastern hills.
A young man stood in the deserted lower bailey, his hands still shaking from unspent rage. No amount of cool air and moonlight could calm his spirit; he had just had another argument with his father.
Overall:
Get
Elements of Style and read it. You're old enough to get the best good from it.
Learn to copyedit yourself. There's a difference between throat, through, thorough, throughout, but no such word as through
t.
Ease off on using exclamation points in narrative. Editors like me call it comic book punctuation, and that is not a good thing.
Though some writers use present tense, they are usually far more experienced at it and thus able to get away with it.
Some new writers use present tense, thinking that they're the first to try it. Alas, no. Present tense is for the outline and synopsis, not for the book itself.
Learn to write third person past tense before tackling the fancy stuff.
Elements of Style will help you there.
Good luck!
Welcome to the Cooler and good luck with your writing.