does this sound like a good Idea for a show?

Yes. It sounds interesting.

It will be a comedy ..... or a drama ??

It sounds like a comedy ... any script available ??

Good luck with it

It all sound fine to me, except for Brett. Fat, slow, loves to eat, doesn't seem to fit with the whole Sports theme. Is he attempting to do sports and find his poor health is in the way? If so, that might be nice to add.

I appreciate it's still a WIP but that's barely enough information to know what the series *might* be about and what *might* happen, plus your characters need *a lot* more definition.

Check out the http://tvwriting.googlepages.com/ site (announced in a recent thread, and added to the screenwriting tips sticky), especially the series bibles for Freaks & Geeks and the Brit series Press Gang:

http://tvwriting.googlepages.com/biblestudy

-Derek

Ginosion said:

It all sound fine to me, except for Brett. Fat, slow, loves to eat, doesn't seem to fit with the whole Sports theme. Is he attempting to do sports and find his poor health is in the way? If so, that might be nice to add.

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Kinda agree that it seems a bit out of place, though I reckon if you had him as the former high school jock who has lost all his glory in his mundane 9-5 sedantry job, now reliving his youth vicariously through his favourite sports team, it could work.

Cheapthrill said:

Kinda agree that it seems a bit out of place, though I reckon if you had him as the former high school jock who has lost all his glory in his mundane 9-5 sedantry job, now reliving his youth vicariously through his favourite sports team, it could work.

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Unfortunately with the current epidemic of obesity in the States - many of the potential audience could really relate to this character

animated? not sure what audience you're looking for. what age group?

the side characters seem a bit cliche' with the girls being cheerleaders and the boys being jocks.

and why doesn't Loria play sports? most girls who know stats are doers, not watchers. and i remember guys who seemed fat and slow who played sports too.

your Pilot sounds like a mid-season storyline. you need much more in information. somewhere on this board someone posted a link to tv scripts and show bibles. you should check that out. your bible is everything.

here it is: http://tvwriting.googlepages.com/

dpaterso said:

I appreciate it's still a WIP but that's barely enough information to know what the series *might* be about and what *might* happen, plus your characters need *a lot* more definition.

Check out the http://tvwriting.googlepages.com/ site (announced in a recent thread, and added to the screenwriting tips sticky), especially the series bibles for Freaks & Geeks and the Brit series Press Gang:

http://tvwriting.googlepages.com/biblestudy

-Derek

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I agree with Derek. I don't really see a storyline with what you've posted. There's definitely potential, but I think you have to be careful that you don't get too close to "My Boys." The animated thing could be interesting...I assume you mean like Simpsons, King of the Hill, and other animated greats? Keep us updated!

I'm sorry, I can't follow it either, are these adults as your main character? What's with the sneaking into the neighbor's yard that has "like 1000's of cameras" have to do with an entire season? Is that one episode, or does the entire season revolve around recovering this ball. What makes it special?

What are their main goals? Why should we care about your characters? What's the story, and surely your one guy has more to him than he's fat, slow, and loves to eat.

icerose said:

I'm sorry, I can't follow it either, are these adults as your main character? What's with the sneaking into the neighbor's yard that has "like 1000's of cameras" have to do with an entire season? Is that one episode, or does the entire season revolve around recovering this ball. What makes it special?

What are their main goals? Why should we care about your characters? What's the story, and surely your one guy has more to him than he's fat, slow, and loves to eat.

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I agree with this assessment.

Why would anyone have 1000's of cameras in his back yard? makes no sense.

The characters sound way too cartoonish.

Jcampbell said:

I was thinking about this idea I had for a T.V show last night and I was wondering if anyone else thinks this is a good idea for a show?


About the show:
(animated) In Sports Town U.S.A three sport loving friends try to live their lives while all the sports biggest stories happen in their town.


The three main characters:
Matt: loves to play all kinds of sports.
Loria: Knows all the rules and statistics. Also knows all the big stories.
Brett: Fat, slow, and loves to eat.


Side Characters:
Johnny and Steve: Jocks, who act like they are better than everyone.
Kati and Heather: stuck up Cheerleaders, dating Johnny and Steve.
Dave: tall and huge works out all the time
Richard: wanna be referee his only problem is that he is to kind at heart.


Pilot:
When Matt accidentally hits their baseball in Will Melichick's yard he offers to go get it. However Will is strict as to who can go in his yard and with his 1000's of camera's watching his yard Matt must find a way to sneak in to get his ball back. Meanwhile, Richard has an addiction and Loria tries to help him.

I have a few more side characters in mind but its still a work in progress.

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Obviously, it's in progress.

Is it a drama or comedy (sounds like a comedy, due to the pilot synopsis)?

Embellish more on the characters, so they come off as real individuals we can either identify, recognize or both.

Jcampbell said:

the whole idea for Brett is that he doesn't real know anything about sports. He's the idiot if you will for the show. The best way to describe it is that it takes the big stories around the sport world and makes it funny. You know how south park makes fun of political events well this is how I picture this show except it makes fun of sport events.

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Sounds like something ESPN would bite, if they aren't over the demise of "Playmakers" (thanks a frigging lot, NFL!!!).

Go to http://www.sellyourtvconceptnow.com/ if you're serious about pitching the show.

Jcampbell said:

the whole idea for Brett is that he doesn't real know anything about sports. He's the idiot if you will for the show. The best way to describe it is that it takes the big stories around the sport world and makes it funny. You know how south park makes fun of political events well this is how I picture this show except it makes fun of sport events.

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I have to say that if what you are intending is an adult satirical animated show on the order of South Park that there is absolutely nothing in the brief description that you gave that would lead a reader to conclude that that's what you're aiming for.

Nowhere about it being satire, cutting edge, adult, using animation to satirize the world of modern sports and sports figures -- nothing in the description of the characters to suggest that they have that same kind of cutting edge quality that you see in South Park or some of the other adult-oriented animated shows.

And nothing in particular in the episode that you describe that suggests what, exactly, it's satirizing.

You explain it to us -- but is someone reading the description supposed to know that and somehow figure out that that's what you're satirizing?

That being said, I'm going to have to say what I say to everyone who shows up here with series proposals, animated or otherwise.

Unless you have experience as a professional TV writer (or occasionally as a feature writer), you are not in a position to pitch a series.

The only alternative is to do it yourself, in the same way that South Park came into existence as a web-based series and made the transition from that to TV.

So if you are an animator (even a flash animator) and can actually bring this show to life yourself, on-line and show people how good it is, then you have the potential to cross over to more traditional media.

But that arena, these days, is a very crowded one so anything you make had better really stand out.

And if you're not in a position to do that, then the chances of you being able to put this series proposal, as someone who has never sold anything professionally (I'm presuming that that's true) in front of someone in the market for new series, is basically nil.

I'm sorry to have to say this and I'm always being accused around here of being the guy who throws cold water on everybody's dreams, but this is simply the way it is, and I would hate for you or anybody else to devote a lot more time and effort to perfecting something that, even at its very best, you will simply not be able to effectively market because of where you are currently positioned, professionally.

NMS

nmstevens said:

I'm sorry to have to say this and I'm always being accused around here of being the guy who throws cold water on everybody's dreams, but this is simply the way it is
NMS

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Well I guess I won't mention my idea for an animated series about 2 best mates and their wives and set in the stone age

Fair enough NMS and it is good to tell it as it is.

But I do hope Mr Campbell comes back.

Animated series = more expensive and troublesome to produce than live action (my main job is animation director, so I know whereof I speak). I don't see anything in the proposal that requires it to be animated. Seems to me it could be more easily pitched as a relatively low-budget live action sitcom. I'm currently involved in developing pilots for both an original animated series and a live action sitcom, both on meager budgets. But I have always found that as soon as you mention "animated" to potential buyers, more ears get closed off than when you mention live action. It's also true in this case (of my two pilots). In the past I've often heard from producers the same remark I posed above: "Why does this series/movie/short have to be animated and not live action?"