There have been many comments in many threads from writers comparing their first attempts at writing years ago to what they write now. I'm not sure which forum is the right one for this, but how about putting up some examples of old vs new for forum members to compare? Something like 1 chapter from years ago and one from last or current project? Might take some humble pie in cases but should be helpful and/or encouraging to many. I don't think its a SYW type thing. We probably aren't looking for feedback on stuff we already find hopeless from years ago. We just want to reveal one thing. Time and practice brings improvement, or not.
I going with the Novel Writing forum as this is where the past vs present seams to be most prevelant. And I'll even offer up my own past vs present as a human sacrifice to the cause. Remeber. No edit, review etc. needed. Just one question. Better now or worse?
Here is a selected few lines from my very first novel vanity published in 1981. It is exactly as it appeared despite my intense desire to remove the many mistakes. It is followed by a selected few lines from my latest manuscript.
Niki woke up slowly then noticed Krazek sucking quietly on a food packet.
“What happened? Ooooh, my head is killing me,” Niki said.
“Welcome back. I was very worried about you. You passed out after plugging in my refill line. I didn’t wake up for a few minutes apparently and you were nearly gone,” Krazek said quietly.
“How long have I been out?”
“About eleven hours,” Krazek answered.
“Ugh. You have slept also then?” Niki said.
“Yes. I just woke up. Here, eat up. We will need all our energy for this trip,” Krazek said, handing a couple of food packets to Niki.
Niki leaned toward Krazek to get the packets then quickly settled back into his seat with a moan.
“Go easy for awhile. You are lucky to be here at all.”
And now, back to the present.
Apollo only looked the size of a sparrow from the top of the cliff but Trik could still see her young feathers were catching enough air to slow her fall and give her some control of her direction as she tilted from side to side. But still she fell quickly, gliding into the forest and out of sight before they saw her reach the ground.
“Did she make it?” Ashley said.
“I don’t know. I hope she didn’t hit a tree or something,” Gerry said.
“She’ll come back to look for us if she’s okay,” Trik said.
The three kids sat quietly staring at the spot where Apollo had disappeared into the forest, praying to get a glimpse of her. Several minutes passed with no sign of motion.
“This isn’t good,” Trik said then started to pull the bucket up quickly.
“Stop! Look!” Ashley said pointing down into the ravine.
Trik and Gerry leaned over and spotted a tiny creature walking up to the ravine wall right under the bucket.
“Is it Apollo?” Gerry said.
“It has to be,” Trik said.
Suddenly the creature ran toward the ravine wall and up it as far as it could before the loose dirt gave way under its claws and it slid back down to the bottom.
“That’s Apollo! She’s trying to get back to us!” Trik said as the creature made another run at the wall then slid down again.
Over and over again Apollo tried to climb the steep dirt wall separating her from the person who had cared for her since her birth. Over and over again she failed. Tears were running out of Trik’s eyes as he fought to hold back sobs.
“STOP IT!” he yelled as loud as he could.
Apollo stopped and stared up at them, exhausted. Suddenly her head snapped around to stare into the forest. A moment later she sprinted out of sight under the bushes. Gerry reached out and took the twine from Trik to pull the bucket the rest of the way up. Ashley rubbed her hand across his back as he wiped the tears off his face. They all just sat and stared quietly into the forest for several minutes.
I going with the Novel Writing forum as this is where the past vs present seams to be most prevelant. And I'll even offer up my own past vs present as a human sacrifice to the cause. Remeber. No edit, review etc. needed. Just one question. Better now or worse?
Here is a selected few lines from my very first novel vanity published in 1981. It is exactly as it appeared despite my intense desire to remove the many mistakes. It is followed by a selected few lines from my latest manuscript.
Niki woke up slowly then noticed Krazek sucking quietly on a food packet.
“What happened? Ooooh, my head is killing me,” Niki said.
“Welcome back. I was very worried about you. You passed out after plugging in my refill line. I didn’t wake up for a few minutes apparently and you were nearly gone,” Krazek said quietly.
“How long have I been out?”
“About eleven hours,” Krazek answered.
“Ugh. You have slept also then?” Niki said.
“Yes. I just woke up. Here, eat up. We will need all our energy for this trip,” Krazek said, handing a couple of food packets to Niki.
Niki leaned toward Krazek to get the packets then quickly settled back into his seat with a moan.
“Go easy for awhile. You are lucky to be here at all.”
And now, back to the present.
Apollo only looked the size of a sparrow from the top of the cliff but Trik could still see her young feathers were catching enough air to slow her fall and give her some control of her direction as she tilted from side to side. But still she fell quickly, gliding into the forest and out of sight before they saw her reach the ground.
“Did she make it?” Ashley said.
“I don’t know. I hope she didn’t hit a tree or something,” Gerry said.
“She’ll come back to look for us if she’s okay,” Trik said.
The three kids sat quietly staring at the spot where Apollo had disappeared into the forest, praying to get a glimpse of her. Several minutes passed with no sign of motion.
“This isn’t good,” Trik said then started to pull the bucket up quickly.
“Stop! Look!” Ashley said pointing down into the ravine.
Trik and Gerry leaned over and spotted a tiny creature walking up to the ravine wall right under the bucket.
“Is it Apollo?” Gerry said.
“It has to be,” Trik said.
Suddenly the creature ran toward the ravine wall and up it as far as it could before the loose dirt gave way under its claws and it slid back down to the bottom.
“That’s Apollo! She’s trying to get back to us!” Trik said as the creature made another run at the wall then slid down again.
Over and over again Apollo tried to climb the steep dirt wall separating her from the person who had cared for her since her birth. Over and over again she failed. Tears were running out of Trik’s eyes as he fought to hold back sobs.
“STOP IT!” he yelled as loud as he could.
Apollo stopped and stared up at them, exhausted. Suddenly her head snapped around to stare into the forest. A moment later she sprinted out of sight under the bushes. Gerry reached out and took the twine from Trik to pull the bucket the rest of the way up. Ashley rubbed her hand across his back as he wiped the tears off his face. They all just sat and stared quietly into the forest for several minutes.
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