Character troubles

That's tricky to say. Are you sure the MC is the problem? Or could it be the setting, plot, or "voice" of the novel? How many gave up? 1, 2? or ten?

I had a reader once tackle one of my sf works. He gave up on it 50 pages in and said that he thought "laser rifles" sounded kind of nerdy. It just was not a good fit for him. He's mainly a reader of thrillers.

Sounds like you might have to go back to those people and ask them for greater detail about why they stopped. Or you could post a chapter up in the "Share your work" section to get the opinions of the people around here. Good luck!

Analyze what you love in reading other urban fantasies: what works for you? What doesn't? What would you expand on to get your story across, to give your characters motivation, purpose, to add drama and conflict?

Take this with a grain of salt, because I've only skimmed your work, and Fantasy isn't my genre at all; I like mainstream YA (mainstream for lack of a better term--things that can and do happen, in other words).

I found your writing felt like you didn't put much care into it. Maybe that's not true. But it smacked of a fresh-off-the-press feeling, as if you did minimal editing before posting it for us to read. And honestly, that makes me feel disrespected as a reader. Again, not saying that's what you did, but that's the feel I got from it, and it turned me off the story.

The whole thing felt somewhat amateurish. I know you are an amateur--and that's fine; there's nothing wrong with it--but some of your comments were off-putting. I believe it was in your first post, after you received some criticism, you said something along the lines of "okay, so I basically have it down." And that led me to believe you were ignoring the criticism and saying that it was ready to submit--and it wasn't. Posting your query letter further added to my feeling about that.

This is my point of view, and I'm not trying to be mean or bring you down, just explain why I, personally, haven't commented (that and the fact that I'm very busy with school and as mentioned, it isn't my genre of choice).

I took a gander at your profile and your writing. Well, you're fifteen, and your writing reflects that.

But hey, you're fifteen. You'll grow from here. I think you're starting off at a good place. Take the criticism you're getting and fight tooth and nail to write older than you are.

And when you read, take careful note of how others write things. When you see how published authors do it, you can start to get a feel for what "fresh" prose looks like.

I write Urban Fantasy. I'll go take a look.

There's no harm in doing something quickly, or in an incomplete manner and going back for more detail later - just don't overdo it.

I did this in Mirrorfall at one point - the first episode is rather important, but rather short. It's the first meeting for the two main characters, and especially pivotal for Stef (dies, then comes back to life). I went back when I hit episode 70, rewrote the second half of #1, gave it more detail that wasn't necessary at the time, and continued on from where #1 had stopped.

I felt it worked, because it was a good juxtaposition of what they were like then, to what they were like now - and also that there was a certain amount of similarity in the two situations.

Here's my comments. Hope they help!

Yeah, prologues tend to be weeks or even years earlier. Often they're from a different perspective, which means that the reader is going to get attached to a whole different person (I'll bet you did it on the vampire, right?)---which will be a pretty big shock when the first chapter opens.

You need backstory for your first chapter. A book is the crisis that interrupts your character's life. The backstory is the LIFE. You don't have to go nuts (and I'd strongly suggest you don't.) But think about him as a PERSON. Who was he before he became a vampire? I know YOU know who he is, but it doesn't show "on-screen" right now. Here are a few questions to think about as you start the "new" chapter 1:

1. Who was the last person to leave him a voicemail or text message? Was it a friend, an enemy or his mom? Is he looking at the message when the book opens, and what is his emotion when that happens? (Make sure it ISN'T anger. Plenty of that in chapter 2. LOL!)

2. Does he have a job? If so, where? Does he like it or is it flipping burgers so he can afford to pay the bills (occasionally?)

3. What is the one joy in his life? Does he play guitar in a band, or snowboard or even paint? What will he never be able to do, ever again? (I mention "paint" because imagine how that would affect him to NEVER see the sun again.)

Does any of this make sense? We need to get to know him in a very short while before his life gets turned upside-down. He's on his way SOMEWHERE. He plans to get up tomorrow and do SOMETHING.

Unfortunately, neither will ever happen, because the crisis of the book happens. That's your hook, and that's what will make your readers want to turn the next page.

nybx4life said:

Oh, and one more thing: I really haven't read any urban fantasy novels, so what I'm kinda freefalling into an ocean and praying I found some gold(or at least something pretty).

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I don't know that anyone's ever struck gold by falling into the ocean.

Cathy has given you some great advice on your chapters, so the only thing I can add is in response to the above quote.

Read Urban Fantasy. Lots and lots. I think there's even a current thread on the front page of this forum chock full of suggestions on where to start. I hope you check it out.

Trying to write in any genre that you don't read is giving yourself an unnecessary handicap.

I would not count Harry Potter as urban fantasy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urban_fantasy

Its very helpful to read in the genre you're writing in. It gives you ideas, allows you to see what has been published, teaches you conventions of the genre... etc. When I starting writing fantasy more seriously, I was reading a new fantasy book a week to try to catch up.

ChaosTitan said:

I don't know that anyone's ever struck gold by falling into the ocean.

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Hmmm... That gives me a story idea: Midas's Submarine.

Dale

nybx4life said:

Oh, and one more thing: I really haven't read any urban fantasy novels, so what I'm kinda freefalling into an ocean and praying I found some gold(or at least something pretty).

Click to expand...

ChaosTitan said:

I don't know that anyone's ever struck gold by falling into the ocean.

Cathy has given you some great advice on your chapters, so the only thing I can add is in response to the above quote.

Read Urban Fantasy. Lots and lots. I think there's even a current thread on the front page of this forum chock full of suggestions on where to start. I hope you check it out.

Trying to write in any genre that you don't read is giving yourself an unnecessary handicap.

Click to expand...

I second this. Seek out other urban fantasies and read a few to get a feel for the genre. It'll be a big help for you and your writing!

Sassee said:

I second this. Seek out other urban fantasies and read a few to get a feel for the genre. It'll be a big help for you and your writing!

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Third it. I just started working on an UF, but I'd never read very many before so I'm reading like a fiend right now while simultaneously working on my own story. I started a thread looking for recs somewhere around here....

Cathy C said:

He's on his way SOMEWHERE. He plans to get up tomorrow and do SOMETHING.

Unfortunately, neither will ever happen, because the crisis of the book happens. That's your hook, and that's what will make your readers want to turn the next page.

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Very nice approach to both character and hook - thank you!

nybx4life said:

While we're on this, anybody know any urban fantasy novels?
Because, literally, I haven't seen any.
Or maybe I just didn't know what they looked like

Oh yeah, and I'm still working on my expirimental first chapter.
Should be ready by the end of today, or tomorrow. I hit a mind block, and I need to play some video games to take it out

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Try Nightlife and Moonshine both by Rob Thurman. Based on your profile, I think you might like these.

Also, since Cathy has been so helpful, might check out a few of her books. I haven't yet, but I'm so impressed by her posts that she's going to the top of my TBR lists (which get attacked as soon as I catch up on my WIP word count goals).

nybx4life said:

While we're on this, anybody know any urban fantasy novels?
Because, literally, I haven't seen any.
Or maybe I just didn't know what they looked like

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Go find the Harry Dresden series by Jim Butcher. Especially if you're interested in giving your MC a distinctive voice.

Izunya

Here's the post I mentioned.

http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=97245

Happy reading.