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Duck soup is not as good as turtle soup, and neither is as good as moose soup.
 

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"Soup of the day is shark's fin," said the waiter, "and I'd watch out for that fin circling the bowl if I were you."
 

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"You keep telling me I don't know nothing," he said, "and that's a lie, because I do know nothing."

:banana:
 

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"Nothing you do or say will ever make me forgive you," she cried, "except maybe giving me your credit card for the afternoon."
 

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Afternoon activities at Camp Tatawacky include swimming, hiking, ping-pong, tether ball, bread making, archery, badminton, frisbees, painting, sketching, taffy makinjg, basket weaving, map making, leather craft, bear hunting, tag, canyoning, balloon ball, fabric design, scavenger hunt, mushroom identification, insect collecting, juggling, rope climbing, hatchet throwing and rattlesnake handling.

:roll:
 

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"Handling you," he said, "is like fondling a rare zoological specimen."
 

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"Specimen" was his pet name for his two-headed girlfriend.

:eek::eek:
 

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"Girlfriend is not a nice thing to call your younger brother," the mother said to her daughter, "even if he does like to play with your dolls."
 

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Dolls of all kinds are available at Pamela's Porn Palace, and some of them are remarkably lifelike. :e2brows:
 

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"Write about what you know" is the timeworn advice doled out in writing classes, but what if everything you know is boring?
 

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"Boring? Why would you call my novel boring?" he said, "I'll have you know that this is one of the few romantic fiction books written about Actuarial science, which is the discipline that applies mathematical and statistical methods to assess risk in the insurance and finance industries."
 

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Industries are well on their way to shipping all their jobs overseas, so that Americans won't have to work anymore and can just sit back and eat, drink and be merry till the cows come home--if there are any cows left.

:(
 

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Left bank of Paris is the only avant garde bank in the world, offering your choice of representational or abstract currency.
 

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Currency can be anything, including beads, shells and elephant skins.
 

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Skins of every type of animal were spread all over his living room floor, including one that bore a remarkable resemblance to his mother-in-law.
 

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Mother-in-law Day is the new national holiday proclaimed by Congress, and people are getting ready to celebrate it with parades, picnics and concerts--though some cynics are predicting unexplained disappearances.

:cool:
 

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Disappearances in and around the Bermuda Triangle ceased to be a mystery once it was discovered that missing boats and planes all ended up at a very large tax shelter.
 

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Shelter from a storm is poorly provided by the average umbrella.
 

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Umbrella was designed to withstand raining cats and dogs, but not elephants.

:rolleyes:
 

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Posteriors is a sequel to the Woody Allen film, Interiors.
 

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Interiors Illustrated is a standard textbook in most medical schools.
 

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Schools were established to maintain conformity of thought and to crush individualism and creativity.
 

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Creativity is overrated, since it's a lot easier just to copy what somebody else has done.

:hat: