The "I'm sorry" thread

what's the expiration date on that cream?

I'm sorry your friends tell people you're so vain, but ...

maybe you shouldn't flip you hair and harrumph like Miss Piggy every time you're exasperated.

I'm sorry you think the late night talk show hosts have run out of material, but

...that will happen when you move to a cave in Siberia.

I'm sorry your friends mocked your new hairdo, but...

...the beehive is, shall we say, a bit old-style.

I'm sorry I chopped down your oak tree, but...

but it was blocking my view of your wife's shower.

I'm sorry your company told you to work from home, but ...

...virus or not, deodorant is vital to social interaction.

I'm sorry the Creature from the Black Lagoon ran from you in terror, but..

even though you're living alone in quarantine it wouldn't hurt to shower and change your clothes at least once-a-week.

I sorry everyone unfriended you on Facebook, but …

...repeatedly posting the 'Baby Shark' song is enough to piss off the Pope.

I'm sorry squirrels pelted you with acorns, but...

.. you should have found another tree to cop a squat under outside of scout camp.I'm sorry you think global warming is a hoax, but ..

now that your dream house on a hill is an island in the middle of a shallow lake you'll understand.

I'm sorry that the town reclassified your house as Waterfront Property and tripled your property taxes, but ...

...on the bright side, fishing could be that second job you always wanted.

I'm sorry you got a fishing hook stuck in your big toe, but...

...now you know how a fish feels when it gets caught in your cruel, so-called sport.

I'm sorry I used your hand-painted mural for target practice, but...

...I think the rotten tomatoes added to the overall effect.

I'm sorry your cup ran away with your neighbor's spoon, but...

.. when he runneth over he thought there would be no forking involved.

I’m sorry, after in vitro, you were impregnated with sextuplets but ..

...you'll have plenty of time to sleep eighteen years from now.

I'm sorry your face tattoo didn't turn out quite the way you expected, but...

...looking like King Kong is actually sort of cool...isn't it?

I'm sorry your fencing lessons landed you in the hospital, but...

you're supposed to use fencing foils, not fence posts.

I sorry Dominoes won't deliver pizza to your house anymore, but

tipping the drivers with money bearing your picture got them a bit upset.

I'm sorry your dog packed his bones and left, but

.. that warm spot on the bed was supposed to be for him, not that cold p*ssy.

I’m sorry that my colorful language offends you, but ..

...if you're going to have a fit every time I say "Gee whillikers!" we're not going to be able to continue this conversation.

I'm sorry I tipped the cab driver with your priceless Roman coin, but...

...seeing how happy it made him was priceless too, right?....right?

I'm sorry those construction workers didn't catcall you, but...

...as long as you keep pointing a Taser in their direction, they're not apt to.

I'm sorry your new hair-do looks like a rat's nest, but...

...soon-to-be former President Trump would like the number of your stylist.

I'm sorry you burned yourself while ironing, but...

...you're supposed to grip the iron by the handle, not by the flat part.

I'm sorry you left your heart in San Francisco, but...

...you should NEVER check an organ cooler at the airport.

I'm sorry your tree frog choir wasn't well received, but...