The "I'm sorry" thread

at least they offered you a temp job at the craft services table.

I'm sorry your neighbors called the police about your midnight leaf blower use.

but that should put to rest your ill-conceived notion of using the leaf blower for flight.

I'm sorry your uncle decided to stay with you indefinitely, but...

...his reputation as a Peeping Tom should have the cops coming around to your house a lot, and that will be entertaining.

I'm sorry you were caught trying to vote 30 times, but...

those campaign signs made a fun sound as they left a lasting impression on you.

I'm sorry the stripper rebuffed your advances, but...

...asking her to play ping pong while dressed as Marie Antoinette didn't interest her, somehow.

I'm sorry I left you teetering on the edge of the volcano, but...

...you said you wanted to go somewhere warm on holiday.

I'm sorry Santa won't return your emails, but...

...he's still pissed off from last year, when you shot paintballs at him in Macy's.

I'm sorry your Jack-O'-Lantern has been declared obscene, but...

...the caramel candy apples and miniature broom could have been placed, shall we say, less strategically.

I'm sorry your dream of becoming an astronaut has hit a roadblock, but...

...you should have applied to train through official channels, instead of trying to blast off in that weird contraption from your back yard.

I'm sorry the private island you bought last year for $6,000,000 has sunk beneath the sea, but...

...those scuba lessons are going to come in pretty handy for retrieving your belongings.

I'm sorry your Muse eloped with the pool boy, but...

...he'll probably get a job cleaning some other pool, and they'll be just fine.

I'm sorry your dog no longer comes when you whistle, but...

...the steam whistle may have been a bit much for Fido.

I'm sorry your shirt was ruined by the dry cleaner, but...

...it will come in handy any time you want to pose as a homeless person.

I'm sorry my pet deer ate your roses, but...

...you must admit that the droppings she left beside the bushes look festive.

I'm sorry KFC rejected your application for a franchise, but...

KFC found out about that roadkill you were serving as "pasture-raised chicken" in your last restaurant.

I'm sorry my offer to transport voters to the polls left everyone stranded in the desert, but...

...who knew Area 51 wasn't a polling station?

I'm sorry a horsefly got in your ointment, but...

...it looks puny compared to the tarantula that got into your spaghetti.

I'm sorry I drove my tractor through your house, but...

...I was blinded by your insanely bright LED headlights.

I'm sorry travel restrictions have caused you to reschedule your holiday, but...

who knew being an American would turn out to be such a hassle.

I'm sorry porch-pirates stole your Amazon delivery, but …

...these things are bound to happen when you fly the Jolly Roger in your front yard.

I'm sorry chipmunks made a nest in your mailbox, but...

...if you call Alvin, maybe he'll sign them and take them on tour.

I'm sorry my fruit punch made you delirious, but...

when I told you I spiked it with "tea" I didn't realize you didn't speak hippie.

I sorry your vote was rejected at the polling place, but ...

...crayon doesn't register in the ballot scanners.

I'm sorry Punky Brewster 'punked' you, but...

next time he asks if you want "punkin" pie, say "No!"

I'm sorry you're bored now that the election is over, but ...

...WWE wrestling is a relevant alternative.

I'm sorry you found clouds in your coffee, but...