BS your way through

We're "evil" because everyone keeps trying to kill us so we don't become evil. it's ironic like that.

Why do people keep stereotyping artificial lifeforms as evil?

Under the Term 1nA-Tor Cydine initiate it was decided that robots along with other artificial life forms are evil. As part of the umbrella policy, they had to be eliminated or controlled....to the T....much like containing a virus.

Why do we no longer have lounge singers....classy like the old days.

We do. I'm singing at the Dew Drop Inn every Friday and Saturday night through June (Beer $12, Cocktails $18, $25 cover).

Why does nostalgia make the past seem much better than it was?

Do you really want to remember that date with the blonde from the breast augmentation center the way it really happened?


Which way did he go George?

He went that way....but go over ask the passing hunting dog, Willoughby...he might be able to track it down.

Are melodies really merrie?

Melodies are actually just pissy tripe pulling your chain. They just don't want to be labeled malcontents.


milk cost more per gallon than gasoline, are we in danger of running out of cows?

There have been a lot of tornadoes lately which, as we all know, like to carry off cows (move on, Mary, before you have time to get upset), and other cows get so shaken (and, yes, stirred) that their milk comes out as prechurned butter for weeks. If you're investing in futures, the price should go down again once tornado season is over.

My cat can participate in two states of being at once. I look down the stairs and there he is, sitting placidly at the bottom. I then open the door to the only room in the house he's not allowed in and *Poof* he's in the room. Do I have Schrodinger's cat?

Nope. Twins.


How would you go about setting a trap for Mr. Snufalufagus?

Take a large yellow bird.....not a rooster.....or a canary.....well maybe a mutant canary from a DARPA project.....and place it in a garbage can and wait. As the slippery Snufalufagus approaches....blast it with a 20 gauge. Bang bang! Sucker.

How does one get to Sesame Street?

It's a secret process by which you need first an invitation, polyglot capabilities, a certificate of unrealistic sensitivity and two letters of mark, at least one of which has to be signed by Oscar the grouch.


If roses are red and violets are blue, what color is clear?

Mud colored.

Shouldn't non-inflammable be a double negative?

If we write it as non-non-inflammable, wouldn't it be a positive?

Negative. It would be confusing. Which is also negative.

Why does a positive charge have the negative attribute of delivering a shock?

Wrong....it's a positive shock to encourage positive results. The shock ensures that you to the same thing correctly, positively correct. See, no such negative thing from a positive shock.

Why do fools fall in love?

You'd have to ask Frankie Lymon, and he's not available.

How much worse will things get before they get better?

Well, they'll always get worse before they get better.....usually as traveling through that tunnel of life.....just before the train hits you.

Do robots have electronic dreams?

By electronic dreams are you meaning porn videos?


Did we ever figure out how much wood would a woodchuch chuck if a woodchuch would chuck wood?

Of course. A woodchuck can chuck all the wood a woodchuck could, if a woodchuck could chuck wood. So there ya go.....A woodchuck is a very resourceful critter.....even more so if it has a chainsaw.


What do we really know about the "Mothman"?

All we know for certain at this point is that elephant-size mothballs forklifted into your home provide the best deterrent, lessening unexpected occurrences of sudden onset denuding.


Who ate all the beet sugar? I can’t find it in the grocery stores, not even in the froufrou ones. Who the hell do I have to blow know biblically, or lobby in Congress to buy some beet sugar? (I did settle for date sugar from Whole Food’s and, um… Emphatically, NO! I don’t recommend it for sweetening coffee.)

The Gowrow* ate the beet sugar. What do you have against cane sugar? Huh?

*http://mythicalcreatureslist.com/mythical-creature/Gowrow


How can I catch a chupacabra?

As with catching most things, get up early, avoid hand sanitizer, wear a large leather web-fingered mitt, and put plenty of cheese in the trap.

If a salamander regrows a lost limb, but the salamander itself is still growing, how will the new limb ever catch up?

The real question should be if a salamander loses a limb, does the limb grow a new salamander?



If we're on this forum all day, who if any of us is getting any writing done?

Oh...are we supposed to be writers?


If we wrote on papyrus, would our writing be any better?

No, but it would be older, more faded and much better paying.

On which level of hell does QLH reside?

It would depend on how you define QLH. The Quincy L. Holms and associates law firm might question why you'd condem them to hell, just for handling wiplash, dog bites and dui cases.



Has anyone heard who M.S.Wiggins 'introduced to the bible' in her beet sugar expedition? (It's available on amazon)