Embellishing Memoirs: Do or Don't?

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Sohia Rose

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Coming from a journalism background, I’m puzzled that some memoirists can be so cavalier about embellishing details and inventing emotions in characters.

I just feel like non-fiction is NON-FICTION. I’m starting to second guess whether or not all of the memoirs I’ve read are embellished or just flat out lies. I’m not talking about name changes. I’m talking about creating incidences or entire characters for that matter.

I’m currently working on a memoir and a writer friend of mine said to me, “You should make this character do this.” I said, “But that’s not what happened. She didn’t do that.” :rolleyes:

Is this normal in the industry? I’d love to hear your opinions about this.
 

Pamster

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I'd love to hear the other's POV on this topic as well, great topic Sohia Rose. I have written my memoir and it's all as things happened, no embellishments or anything of the sort. I believe that as it's marketed as non-fiction, like you, it should BE non-fiction as in real and true to life. So what if you leave some stuff out? But to add stuff or totally change situations to suit your tastes I think will come back to bite the writer in the bakcside personally.
 

Leah J. Utas

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Memoirs ought to be real. If you're going to mess around with the truth, then you ought to call it a novel.
 

Little Red Barn

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My opinion- Memoirs are truth and should be written as such. Otherwise call it fiction.
A lot of memoirs are written well because they are written in detail and pull in the reader....my 2cents
 

AmyBA

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If you're making it up, in my opinion, it's not really a memoir. I think a memoirist has an obligation to stick to events as they happened-- that's what readers expect; that's what they deserve.
 
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johnrobison

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I would ask what you mean by embellishing?

If you are saying, “Should I make up a story about how I met Jeff in prison, and he told me about killing this coke dealer Bob . . . “ I would say no, unless you really did spend time in prison with Jeff and he did tell you about killing Bob.

I would not encourage you to write about robbing a liquor store unless you actually did rob liquor stores. But if you did rob liquor stores, and then found God and salvation, how would you tell the story?

If you really robbed a store in Detroit and never got caught, I’d think you might be wise to change the names and the faces and maybe tell about robbing a convenience store in Pontiac or Indianapolis instead. The point is the same . . . sinning led you to salvation, and the facts of the store really do not matter.

But what about a more ordinary circumstance? You remember how you felt when you got into trouble in third grade. You were always getting into trouble. You remember how the teacher would yell at you . . .

Do you write, “I was always in trouble as a third grader” and leave it at that?

Or do you make up dialogue, such that the emotions you want to get across are conveyed?

None of us remember word for word what was said, but we all read memoirs where such long ago conversation is reconstructed. In my opinion, that is OK and adds to interest and readability.

I will offer another example.

Let’s say you were a drunk. Many times, you went out, got drunk and ended up in some stranger’s bed, or in an alley, or even once in the hospital. Let’s say that happened more often than we can count, a hundred times or more.

Would you be right to make up a “typical scene” that shows how you acted when drunk?

You don’t remember the actual words

You don’t remember the guy/girl’s name

You don’t even remember which bar it all happened in.

So do you say “I don’t remember where I was, but I met this guy – I don’t remember his name – and we went to this disco – I forget which day though, maybe Saturday . . . “

Or do you make a story that reads smoothly and makes sense to get your point across?

“Once again, I was drinking at Max’s Tavern, and I hooked up with a girl, Julie, that I’d seen there last Wednesday . . “

A memoir is supposed to tell us your story, and thereby hopefully entertain, inspire, or teach us. Often we accomplish that goal by creating dialogue and combining events and even people to make our point. But we should all draw the line somewhere, and the place we draw it must depend upon our story and the relevance of the item in question.

Investigative reporting is just the facts, please. Memoir writers are not usually investigative journalists.
 

MajorDrums

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Embellishing memoirs can really bite you in the ass if the audience finds out that details were embellished. It can become a slippery slope, IMO; you might as well write a novel based on true events, like others have suggested.

Not that many people have perfect memories on every event that happened to them, this I understand. But I think the safest way to write about an event you believe is important to the memoir, where you don't remember all of the details is to say, "As I think back to that event..." and then insert any personal dialog or lessons learned as a way to let the reader know you are trying to sort out your memories and the significance behind them.
 
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TH Meeks

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Being honest and truthful is the only way to go. Embellishing leads to James Frey syndrome, aka "truthiness." Sometimes memoir writers have to change names or obscure identities, and that should be noted in an author's note. Be honest with the reader and they will be understanding. Lead them to believe that fiction is non-fiction, and you've trashed your credibility. If an author invents or changes key details, he/she should write "Based on a true story" and call it fiction. Elie Wiesel originally classified his memoir Night as fiction, but that didn't make it any less powerful.

T.
 

jennifer75

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Memoir or Autobiography

What is the difference? Hoping not to start any heated debates, just a clear "AW" definition of both.
 

Sohia Rose

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jennifer75 said:
What is the difference? Hoping not to start any heated debates, just a clear "AW" definition of both.


Here's somethig I grabbed from the dictionary:

embellish |em beli sh | verb [ trans. ] make (something) more attractive by the addition of decorative details or features : blue silk embellished with golden embroidery. • make (a statement or story) more interesting or entertaining by adding extra details, esp. ones that are not true : she had real difficulty telling the truth because she liked to embellish things.
 

jennifer75

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I was looking for a clearer picture on the difference between Memoirs and Autobiographies.
 

Pamster

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From what I understand a memoir is about a given chunk of time and an autobiography is something that starts from your childhood onward to the end of your life story to where ever you are at the writing of the auto-bio. I don't think that is a AW definition but it might help explain the difference assuming I am right that is...LOL! ;)

I am sure someone else will come in and offer a better definition of the two. :)
 

johnrobison

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jennifer75 said:
I was looking for a clearer picture on the difference between Memoirs and Autobiographies.

An autobiography is something you write for people who will be interested in your life. If you become an Acedemy Award winning actor, or President of GE, or a four star general, people will want to read your life story.

A memoir is a story about your experience. You write it for people who will identify with your drug addiction, or your time as a pro footballplayer, or your efforts hiking across the Rockies.

Generally, a memoir is shorter and more focused on a particular time period or a particular range of events in one's life.
 
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jennifer75

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johnrobison said:
A memoir is a story about your experience. You write it for people who will identify with your drug addiction, or your time as a pro footballplayer, or your efforts hiking across the Rockies.

Generally, a memoir is shorter and more focused on a particular time period or a particular range of events in one's life.

Great, thank you!
 

expatbrat

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Well said John!

I'd like to add my two bahts worth: don't make stuff up if you want to call it non-fiction.

You can certainly leave stuff out, and write conversations as they would have probably have been having knowing both characters well, but making event, actions and behavious up to suit the story makes your story fiction.
 
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Elodie-Caroline

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Maybe the people embellishing their memoirs have been watching too many Hollywood movies? How many of them state that they're based on a true story.
I wouldn't embellish my own memoirs, I can't stand lies of any kind; however, I do use bits of my own life interweaved in my fictional characters.

Ellie
 

Pamster

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Elodie-Caroline said:
Maybe the people embellishing their memoirs have been watching too many Hollywood movies? How many of them state that they're based on a true story.
I wouldn't embellish my own memoirs, I can't stand lies of any kind; however, I do use bits of my own life interweaved in my fictional characters.

Ellie

I agree with you on both things. I didn't embellish my memoir because the real story is pretty interesting I think. And I too use bits of real life to weave in there with fictional characters. :)
 

laurenem6

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I tried to ask this in a thread I started and didn't get much response. Obviously, if you want your story to be interesting, you need dialogue. How am I supposed to remember exactly what someone said years ago? So to some degree, any time you add something like that to your memoir, you are fictionalizing it. So how can you completely say that memoirs have to be strictly nonfiction?
 

Pamster

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I think as long as the true intent of the events are carried over into the story it's as good as can be expected you know? It's not fictionalizing when you're looking back, it's reflecting/reflection and that is a little different then just making something up in its entirety. At least that's how I see it. I tried to be as true to my memories as I could and that's all anyone can expect. :)
 
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Meerkat

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What a string of great responses! Fortunately, the standard is completely objective--you know in your heart of hearts whether something said a certain way is the truth or not, without quibbling. Paraphrasing dialogue the best you can remember it, is f truthful or example, as laurenem6 was mentioning above. Reverse engineering motives or other rationalizations that were not present at the time being written about, are not truthful. Even setting aside the right or wrong debate, this would make for weaker writing--the dumbing down of actual human complexity.

One helpful trick though, might be this: You could point out the irony of a situation, for example that if only such and such detail or statement had existed, the whole situation would seem like xyz. That way, you can let the reader into the way you are thinking of something, or the way you wish it had been, exactly.
 
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laurenem6

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gclare said:
Reverse engineering motives or other rationalizations that were not present at the time being written about, are not truthful. Even setting aside the right or wrong debate, this would make for weaker writing--the dumbing down of actual human complexity.

What exactly do you mean by this? Can you expand? I admit I haven't read any memoirs before and I'm new to this whole concept.
 

Meerkat

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Sure....suppose Winston Churchill wrote "...then I surrendered to the Boers, in order to infiltrate their army...yeah, that's it--infiltrate" when in fact we know that he surrendered because he was terrified at the prospect of being killed if he didn't raise his hands fast enough. The person writing the memoir knows what the truth was, at every moment. Paraphrasing dialogue is probably fine, if it's close enough to intent...Ceaser probably said "I came, I saw, ...Dude!" We know what he meant.

(not entirely serious with my examples--please do not chastise me)
 
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Elodie-Caroline

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When I done (a lot of) my life story online 5 years ago, I wrote all the bits that happened, but also wrote how I think about each bit now. I told it in the same way that I would tell it if I were talking to someone about my life.
 
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