Single Writer - warning, this is a self-pitying whinge

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ChaosTitan

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:cry: That didn't solve my problem, PeeDee. What am I gonna do with a mail order bride?

On second thought, don't answer that.

I need a mail order husband. Unless, of coure, badducky is available... ;)
 

PeeDee

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chaostitan said:
:cry: That didn't solve my problem, PeeDee. What am I gonna do with a mail order bride?

On second thought, don't answer that.

I need a mail order husband. Unless, of coure, badducky is available... ;)

Well, you could get her to write your game column for you. :)
 

TeddyG

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Okay BroadSwordBabe (what a nick...I will use BSB)

Single, Childless, Barely Published and Not Coping Very Well
is how you signed off...
so for an exercise lets start off by really getting into it...

She was single, childless and certainly not coping very well. Actually, truth be told she was not coping at all. Lately it felt like the whole weight of being alone kept her bent, feeling old and betrayed by life. Small things, which she needed to accomplish just to continue to live and exist, like her crappy job and going to the supermarket became drudgeries which day by day weighed a bit more on her heart. Slowly the world turned darker and darker, until one day Darby realized it would take a superhuman effort that she was no longer capable of just to get out of bed.

Now BSB you take it, edit it, erase it..do what you want..but CONTINUE IT!

Kevin, KST, here in the boards, has a sig.."Write as if your face were on fire"
go write now...
go for it..as if your face were on fire....

Turn the minus into a plus and make it work for you!
 

ATP

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Broadswordbabe said:
OK, I know there are people out there who envy me my available time, my lack of commitments...but I gotta say, people, I'm a wee bit weary of all those "finding time to write" advice columns about fitting it in around the hubby and kids. <snip> How do you deal with it?

I am not sure of your level of experience, years, and type of writing that you do. This would help to pitch suitable commentary .

I have been reminded that this is the life I chose. Yes, no, and ultimately, yes. Not comforting, no; but a great leveller. Or should be.


If your friends aren't there for you as often as you would like, then perhaps it is time to seek out others. By finding others like yourself in similar situations. Try the newspapers, and the want ads, and look for those who mention or indicate 'independent' ie. single room mate. Call them up, and chat to them, and discuss your situation. You'll get a number of 2-3 possible responses, and one of them is sure to be incredulity, " but yes, I experience much the same thing". You're off and running. Other ideas include the more conventional joining of a writer's group/circle.Others here can offer other suggestions.

Indeed, your post is much about being alone/isolation. This is one of the downsides of the profession. It is so bad for some, that they go back to the full-time job, which as I read it, you indicate that you still have. Or have I got this wrong?

Yes, you have a multitude of things operating at once. Perhaps you could break the issue into smaller, more manageable issues, and see about measures that can satisfy some of them, some of the time. Don't bite off too much at once - bit by bit.

One writer mentioned having worked for quite some time, saving money, and taking himself off to South America, where the cost of living was much cheaper than either LA or London, and spending time living and writing there.

Lastly, given the constellation of issues at this time of your life,and perhaps you are youngish,then it may simply not be for you, at this time.

[/quote]
 
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You won't be single for long once your millionaire writing career kicks off.
 

arrowqueen

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And what if you end up with a non-supportive leech?
 

Broadswordbabe

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Whew, what have I started?

ATP - youngish? I wish. Unless 43 counts as youngish...and I am in a writers' circle - (if you mean in terms of meeting potential partners - all the guys are married :Shrug: apart from one or two who are way, way too young for me even if they were likely to be interested!)

Don't get me wrong, my friends are great, and my socialising is not all about looking for a partner! But sometimes you just want someone to come home to. Or with.

Electric.Avenue - you have my immense sympathies. That cannot be an easy situation to be in.

quidscribis - gamer? As in online? I would, but I'm not really into online gaming, and yeesh, I waste enough time on the net as it is! (cf the length of this post). I love LARP but that's just the occasional weekend. Plus I get exercise. Alas most of them are married too...:cry: I think other people must have heard that 'invest in a geek' advice before me!

Miles111 - um, yes, you do sound a tad harsh. But I get it - you've had bad experiences.

I can understand how it might have sounded but I would never, ever want to be totally financially supported by someone else. I hated it even when I was the one in the relationship earning substantially less than my partner - I felt very powerless and pretty useless. I wasn't trying to build a writing career then, (I wasn't getting any support to believe I could, which is one reason I am no longer in that relationship). I was earning money to try and retain some independence and to contribute to what I saw as a partnership. What I would like now is a little bit more of a mutual safety net so that I'd get the chance to try and earn more doing what I love instead of having to take the leap completely by myself - not just financial but emotional support. And it's completely a two way street - I would be totally committed to supporting them in their endeavours as well. I'm not a baby, I don't want just to be swaddled and fed. I'd just like a little backup, which, as I say, I would entirely expect to offer in return. So far as I'm concerned that's what happens in a good relationship.

As for TeddyG's suggestion...eep. I do appreciate the thought, but have you encountered the Dylan Thomas line about "the first boiling in the belly of a bad poem"? I have written about being miserable while in the midst of it - and ooh, boy was it bad. Seriously stinky writing. You're right, going through this stuff does undoubtedly feed the pot, but I think one needs time to be out of the middle of it, before writing about it. I do, anyway. 'Emotion recollected in tranquility,' and all that. (Not too much tranquility, though. Wordsworth bores the backside off me, mostly).

For those who asked, I write fantasy. And I think there are enough darkly brooding heroes out there without me adding to them. Although...hmmm...darkly brooding heroine, now... Er, at the risk of putting the cat bang in the middle of the pigeon coop, it seems that male characters can get away with being darkly brooding loners (Waylander, Angel, Every Character Eastwood Ever Played...) whereas darkly brooding loner women tend to get categorised as psychos, not heroines - correct me if I'm wrong? (Hunts for the ducking and running for cover smilie...)
 

PeeDee

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Xena: Warrior Princess was a fairly brooding heroine, when she wasn't battle-yodeling.

Er. I wanted to do another example, but I can't think of one. Sorry. :)
 

arrowqueen

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'...and that could be any gender, yes?'

Unfortunately, yes.
 

Broadswordbabe

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PeeDee said:
Xena: Warrior Princess was a fairly brooding heroine, when she wasn't battle-yodeling.

Er. I wanted to do another example, but I can't think of one. Sorry. :)

See? That's what I mean.

As to
arrowqueen said:
And what if you end up with a non-supportive leech?

I now have a very strange mental image of a supportive leech.

Kind of like a vampire truss.

Yeesh. I need to go write something.
 

arrowqueen

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The supportive leeches work in hospitals (thinning blood and sucking out bruises and stuff ) along with the helpful maggots.
 

electric.avenue

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Thanks for your sympathies, Broadswordbabe! I was feeling kinda down when I wrote before.

I think what I was trying to say, and it's something some of my friends, both male and female, have said, is that being in a relationship can have its downside too. One friend of mine told me he met his wife through a lonely hearts club, and then he said wryly, "... but now I think I'd rather be lonely!"

Miles - I think you make some good points, I have to admit, I have met a few people who see a relationship primarily as a means of financial support, and don't seem to think in terms of bringing anything to the table themselves.
 
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