Personal Stakes for Detective

TulipMama · Nov 3, 2020

Hi there,

I'm writing an urban fantasy/police procedural, and one of my critiquers pointed out I don't have much of a personal investment in the investigation for my MC.

This is entirely true. She gets the file, works the job and does so with an amount of personal detachment that only thins after she's attacked by the BBEG in the 5th chapter.

This makes me feel like there isn't a defining 'inciting incident' because her life never changes from status quo. There's the murder, but it's her doing her job, and I don't know how to make the case personally important to her.

The things I'd normally consider would be her in danger of losing: Her job/Her life/Her relationships or something more abstract like the city/country/world is in danger.

Her job: I'd roll with that, but she ends the book on thin ice because of a number of very significant (and plot relevant) errors in judgement near the end of the novel. If I put her job on the line earlier in the book, I don't know why she wouldn't be fired. I could potentially make this work if I don't get any better options.

Her life: She gets attacked by the BBEG's agents in chapter 5, but before that she's not in any immediate danger. Heck, she sees it as a good thing since it gives her some goons to question. I could potentially shuffle her reaction around a bit, try and put the threat on her life into a wider spot-light, but it doesn't fit her 'hard boiled detective' character.

Her relationships: This does pop up later (chapters 18 and 21) where BBEG goes after her boyfriend and BFF in a bid to get her, but it isn't a pressing threat for the first half of the book (we're a 30 chapter ordeal presently) so it doesn't make sense for her to be too worried about it until these later chapters.

City/Country/World: This is supposed to be the first in a series, and the really world shattering stakes are things I'm saving for much later.

So, my question is: How do you get you're police detectives personally invested in solving their file of the week?

Maryn · Nov 3, 2020

I'm just spitballing here, but how about instead of loss, it's a gain at stake?

Maybe she's done well on the sergeants' exam or is shortlisted for detective, whatever would be a step up the ladder in her law enforcement agency. So she especially wants and needs to impress anybody who's looking at her work closely.

Or perhaps she's had her eye on Handsome (or Beautiful) LEO and thinks s/he'll actually realize she's alive if she not only solves this case brilliantly but looks good while she does it? (Cue clothing and footwear choices that hinder a foot chase.)

Could be her dear friend from college will finally believe that women are indeed as capable as men, once she solves this case, and will call off her impending wedding as a trophy wife of a man she doesn't love. She just has to believe women can succeed without men!

Or she can finally make her father, the retired/disgraced/disabled-in-a-work-related-shooting ex-cop, see that she, too, was born for this.

Or convince her sweet mother that she is indeed able to take care of herself and does not need to be looking for a husband.

All kinds of ideas to play with, when you incorporate things she wants as well as things she does not want.

Maryn, who's read a ton of police procedurals in her day

Tom Fitch · Nov 3, 2020

Another possible way of looking at it might be that, after a ton of stories starring detectives that are eagerly motivated to solve their case, your novel stars a rather aloof detective who fails to be motivated on the job. It might make for a refreshing change. And maybe one that feels more realistic?

Tom

gothicangel · Nov 3, 2020

Or it doesn't have to be that she will lose her job, but that failure could result in major damage to her professional reputation. Or has she lost the passion for her job, she's jaded and wants to quit, but this case relights the spark?

The murder should be your inciting incident. Maybe it dredges up old memories/emotions from a past case she failed to solve? Maybe she recognises the killer as someone she's deal with before? Maybe they are a friend of her boyfriend and she's caught up in a dilemma?

If you want, I could read the first few chapters for you.

ironmikezero · Nov 3, 2020

Keep in mind that a certain level of detachment and focus on actual corroborated/refuted evidence are essential hallmarks of expected professionalism for a detective. It's not just the truth that matters--it's what truths can be proven in court. Getting too invested in an investigation, personally/emotionally/etc., is strongly discouraged as it can lead to compromising the case in court. However, detectives are human beings, too . . . There's the tightrope they must traverse when any level of personal motivation exceeds the standard of investigative professionalism. Most agencies would take your MC off the case once she or her SO become victims. Your MC could have a lot more to lose, should she fail to keep herself in check and follow the rules. Of course, that may be where the most interesting story lies. Have fun!

Friendly Frog · Nov 3, 2020

Honestly, I often get annoyed when fictional detectives get too invested or entangled in a case, so maybe I am not the best person to comment.

Personally, I don't think detectives always need to have a personal investment in cases. But it's an easy technique to get the reader hooked because if the detective is hooked on the case, usually the reader is too. The inciting incident is a useful trope, but hardly essential IMO.

Maybe I tend to regard it too much from a real life-angle, because in reality I don't think all that personal investment in cases is particularly healthy? Especially with murder cases. Detectives IMO need detachment or the job will break them. I can go along with it for some cases, but if a detective is going to get emotionally invested in every case, I question their long-term future in that job. Also, if a detective gets too involved, I can't imagine why their boss doesn't pull them off the case for their own sake.

So having cases get too personal for the detective usually tends to pull me out of a story more than it works to get me interested. I understand I may be alone in that interpretation.

And it does sound like you have some personal stakes for your character, just that they come later into the story. That said, if you do feel you need to have more at stake for your character earlier in the story, I like Maryn's take on it. What people may gain can be just as motivating as potential losses. (Now if only I manage to remember that myself when writing.)

frimble3 · Nov 3, 2020

I have biases: I don't like stories where things only happen because 'now it's personal'. Especially if you're planning a series. How long can the nearest-and-dearest be endangered before they publicly disown your MC?

I thought the whole point of 'police procedurals' w/wo urban fantasy elements was that the detective had to investigate, because it was their job.
Otherwise, we'd all be waiting around for nosy old ladies, or bored dilettantes, or ex-police or military men to be bothered to 'look into things' and figure out what happened.
Once you get out of the 'quaint little village' story, you need someone who has to stick with the job, regardless of initial disinterest.

I like the suggestions above, of making it about her job, with the twist that instead of the stick of 'solve this and we won't fire you', the potential reward of 'you did such a marvelous job that we'll disregard your other failings'. Especially useful if you're planning a series - in that it's not the same threat over and over, until the audience is rolling it's eyes.

And, even if you're holding off on the whole 'world-shattering' stuff for later books, you have to at least imply that something bigger and worse is going on.

Chris P · Nov 3, 2020

The classic detective stories I am most familiar with don't have the element of personal vulnerability. Hercule Poirot and Jane Marple's lives would have gone along just fine without the case being solved, or the right person going to jail. The point of those stories is to tickle the brain of the reader; pull the reader in, lead or mislead them to the culprit, and the satisfaction for the reader is either guessing it right, or the "Wow, I totally missed that! Well played!" when they get it wrong. Of course we write stories differently than we did 100 years ago, but I think this detachment can still work if you make the journey worthwhile for the reader more so than the character.

Stytch · Nov 3, 2020

There's the old Sherlockian challenge of the chase/puzzle, I suppose. Like, they're REALLY bugged by things they don't know, and are only emotionally satisfied when they solve the issue, but then like a beaver or something immediately need a new puzzle (honestly because of underlying issues that are never addressed, it's just a different addiction, etc.)

I like what someone else said up thread (several someones, probably) about making it a stake of losing a gain, not a straight loss of a thing they already have. If they're a driven professional, maybe there's a promotion or a move to a better place that hangs on this somehow. I also agree that the "now it's personal" doesn't do it for me. I don't see that the same as the Sherlock thing so much. Good luck!

Maryn · Nov 4, 2020

There's also the person who throws themselves into their work, investing everything they've got, as a way to avoid what's going on in their non-work lives.

TulipMama · Nov 4, 2020

Thanks everybody for the fantastic advice!

mewellsmfu · Nov 5, 2020

Save the personal involvement for the subplot.

Famoustapu · Nov 5, 2020

mewellsmfu said:
Save the personal involvement for the subplot.

I agree with this.

geoff3h · Aug 9, 2021

TulipMama said:
Hi there,

I'm writing an urban fantasy/police procedural, and one of my critiquers pointed out I don't have much of a personal investment in the investigation for my MC.

This is entirely true. She gets the file, works the job and does so with an amount of personal detachment that only thins after she's attacked by the BBEG in the 5th chapter.

This makes me feel like there isn't a defining 'inciting incident' because her life never changes from status quo. There's the murder, but it's her doing her job, and I don't know how to make the case personally important to her.

The things I'd normally consider would be her in danger of losing: Her job/Her life/Her relationships or something more abstract like the city/country/world is in danger.

Her job: I'd roll with that, but she ends the book on thin ice because of a number of very significant (and plot relevant) errors in judgement near the end of the novel. If I put her job on the line earlier in the book, I don't know why she wouldn't be fired. I could potentially make this work if I don't get any better options.

Her life: She gets attacked by the BBEG's agents in chapter 5, but before that she's not in any immediate danger. Heck, she sees it as a good thing since it gives her some goons to question. I could potentially shuffle her reaction around a bit, try and put the threat on her life into a wider spot-light, but it doesn't fit her 'hard boiled detective' character.

Her relationships: This does pop up later (chapters 18 and 21) where BBEG goes after her boyfriend and BFF in a bid to get her, but it isn't a pressing threat for the first half of the book (we're a 30 chapter ordeal presently) so it doesn't make sense for her to be too worried about it until these later chapters.

City/Country/World: This is supposed to be the first in a series, and the really world shattering stakes are things I'm saving for much later.

So, my question is: How do you get you're police detectives personally invested in solving their file of the week?

They have to have skin in the game. There needs to be a psychological and a moral threat to their wellbeing. Something they may lose if they follow 'this' path. Make their journey painful and not just as an observer of the action.

Personal Stakes for Detective

TulipMama

Maryn

At Sea

Tom Fitch

gothicangel

Toughen up.

ironmikezero

practical experience, FTW

Friendly Frog

Snarkenfaugister

frimble3

Heckuva good sport

Chris P

Likes metaphors mixed, not stirred

Stytch

Maryn

At Sea

TulipMama

mewellsmfu

Famoustapu

geoff3h