I'm writing a novel that draws on traumatic experiences and don't want to continue

LucySnowe24

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Hello everyone!

So I'm autistic but wasn't diagnosed with autism until I was an adult. There's a strong misperception that girls can't be autistic and so a lot of autistic girls, like me, don't receive a diagnosis or proper support and find life harder as a result. I recently had an idea for a novel where the heroine, like me, is an autistic woman who was undiagnosed as a child, although otherwise she's not based on me or my life. The problem is that I keep running up against the fact that this character's life would probably be painful and traumatic in the same way my life has been, and I don't want to write about those experiences. For example, when she flashes back to her schooldays, realistically she would have been bullied in school, but I was bullied at school and I find I can't bear to revisit those memories and have to stop. On the other hand, I've heard that writing is better if you write about things you find dark or uncomfortable. Should I carry on trying to write these scenes? Does anyone have any tips on how to write them and not feel completely destroyed?
 

Roxxsmom

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I'm sorry you had this experience and weren't diagnosed earlier.

I think it's a really personal decision whether or not to write a story that evokes painful memories. Some people find it cathartic, but others find that it feels more like being re-traumatized. It may be that this isn't the story you need to be writing right now. I don't think there's any rule that stories have to be focused on dark and uncomfortable issues, aside from the fact that stories generally need conflict of some kind and the protagonist needs obstacles to overcome.

You also don't have to write immersive, detailed flashbacks to get across that your protagonist had a difficult childhood. There are other ways to convey that information when it is relevant to the story. Have you experimented with providing general narrative information (with his sneering smile and stance, he reminded her of one of the boys who had bullied her when she was in fourth grade). Or you could have the character tell another character a brief story about something via dialog.
 

Meemossis

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I would never tell you to write something that would make you uncomfortable.

However, saying that, the first thing I ever wrote was a scene where my character was bullied at school for being dyslexic. I think I've gotten better as a writer because of it. I knew exactly how the character felt because it was exactly what happened to me. I wasn't someone guessing or trying to put myself in that situation; it was me. I cried while I was writing it, and when I read it to my mum, she cried too. I didn't even have to tell her it was me, she knew.

I think it will make your character's voice stronger and more realistic if you do write it. I think readers can tell if it comes from personal experience or not.

Write the scene a piece at a time. Switch over to something more light-hearted if it gets too much for you.
 

indianroads

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My first novel was about my experiences of living on the street during the ages of 13 through 15. It brought up a bunch of repressed memories - but it felt good to get it out of me and down on paper. That path is not for everyone though - it's your decision - sometimes our past experiences need to stay buried.
 

Woollybear

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Hello everyone!

So I'm autistic but wasn't diagnosed with autism until I was an adult. There's a strong misperception that girls can't be autistic and so a lot of autistic girls, like me, don't receive a diagnosis or proper support and find life harder as a result. I recently had an idea for a novel where the heroine, like me, is an autistic woman who was undiagnosed as a child, although otherwise she's not based on me or my life. The problem is that I keep running up against the fact that this character's life would probably be painful and traumatic in the same way my life has been, and I don't want to write about those experiences. For example, when she flashes back to her schooldays, realistically she would have been bullied in school, but I was bullied at school and I find I can't bear to revisit those memories and have to stop. On the other hand, I've heard that writing is better if you write about things you find dark or uncomfortable. Should I carry on trying to write these scenes? Does anyone have any tips on how to write them and not feel completely destroyed?

In my experience, the hard (draining) scenes to write are easier to do in little doses. That's possibly not much help. I think the draining scenes are also the ones I end re-writing the most times, because the pain in them is something I feel strongly about getting right.

I had an epiphany yesterday when I realized that the fact that I spend weeks drained from writing and re-writing a challenging scene does not mean that the scene will drain anyone else--a future reader will be through it in a matter of minutes, and if it does its job it will leave an impactful impression upon the reader. Put another way, I think that I had a misperception that something torturous to write would necessarily be torturous to read, but I realized that's not true. Understanding that readers won't be drained by these scenes in the way that I, as the writer, am, was liberating.

So do what you can and back off when you need to.
 

Chris P

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I agree with the others: go slow, and know when pushing yourself will be therapeutic, and when it will be too much. Nobody (us nor readers) have any right to tell you how much detail to go into, but we will know that you know what you're talking about regardless of the detail you go into. We will appreciate the heart you've put into it, no matter the end product. Also, nobody is going to tell you that you have to write about intense experiences just because you've lived them.
 

angeliz2k

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I've heard that writing is better if you write about things you find dark or uncomfortable.

There are different ways of thinking about that. It doesn't have to be a literal translation of things you've gone through in your own life. Instead of undiagnosed autism and bullying, you might have a person who grew up feeling different and belittled. Or maybe just a person who grew up generally in difficult circumstances. I think it's the emotional resonance that you want to translate, more so than the actual circumstances. My most recent WIP involves the loss of several family members; I'm fortunate enough not to have lost a member of my immediate family, but I pulled on my own emotional experiences of loneliness and world-weariness.

Don't torture yourself by writing something that's too personal. As mentioned above, your readers doesn't know your story. They don't know what tears you shed while writing it. They only know what's on the page. What's on the page can be resonant, I think, without you needing to go so deeply into your own past that you're emotionally scarred by revisiting it.
 

KTC

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Hello everyone!

So I'm autistic but wasn't diagnosed with autism until I was an adult. There's a strong misperception that girls can't be autistic and so a lot of autistic girls, like me, don't receive a diagnosis or proper support and find life harder as a result. I recently had an idea for a novel where the heroine, like me, is an autistic woman who was undiagnosed as a child, although otherwise she's not based on me or my life. The problem is that I keep running up against the fact that this character's life would probably be painful and traumatic in the same way my life has been, and I don't want to write about those experiences. For example, when she flashes back to her schooldays, realistically she would have been bullied in school, but I was bullied at school and I find I can't bear to revisit those memories and have to stop. On the other hand, I've heard that writing is better if you write about things you find dark or uncomfortable. Should I carry on trying to write these scenes? Does anyone have any tips on how to write them and not feel completely destroyed?


Though not the same kind of trauma, I've experienced this while writing on the trauma I know as well. I try to focus on the thought that what I'm writing will give others who experienced the same trauma some comfort. I always think I'll write the book that would have saved me back then. It's often difficult to write about the trauma, and often I have to put it aside and shore myself up before I plunge back in...but I keep that idea in my head. Whether it's true or not, it's a great motivator. SOMEBODY NEEDS THIS STORY. This story will save someone.

Me kind to yourself and be safe while exploring the darkness. Think of yourself as the light...