there was one shot left in the brandy bottle

alpacinoutd · Oct 17, 2020

Hello.

Does it make sense to say there was one shot left in the bottle?

Please let me know what you think about the sentence I have written:

There was only one shot left in the brandy bottle. He grabbed it, sloshing the last bit of brandy into his glass.

Also, have I used "slosh" correctly?

How else can I express the idea?

AW Admin · Oct 17, 2020

Not really; you don't drink brandy in shots; you drink low-end whisky/whiskey, or some tequilas or vodka, in shots.

alpacinoutd · Oct 17, 2020

AW Admin said:
Not really; you don't drink brandy in shots; you drink low-end whisky/whiskey, or some tequilas or vodka, in shots.

I see. If change brandy to whiskey, would it work?

There was only one shot left in the bottle. He grabbed it, sloshing the last bit of whiskey into his glass.

What about wine?

How can I express the idea if the drink is brandy? I mean I'm trying to say there was very little left in the bottle to emphasize that the man had been drinking and almost finished the bottle.

TylerJK · Oct 18, 2020

I might say something like:

The bottle was nearly empty, perhaps enough left for one good belt. He poured the last of the brandy into his cup.

Sloshing seems messy, and if it’s his last drink I’m sure he doesn’t want to spill.

Chris P · Oct 18, 2020

alpacinoutd said:
I see. If change brandy to whiskey, would it work?

There was only one shot left in the bottle. He grabbed it, sloshing the last bit of whiskey into his glass.

What about wine?

How can I express the idea if the drink is brandy? I mean I'm trying to say there was very little left in the bottle to emphasize that the man had been drinking and almost finished the bottle.

What caught me was the "he grabbed it" part. The subject of the first sentence is "shot," therefore the "it" in the second sentence refers to the shot, when what you mean is he grabbed the bottle. However, "...in the bottle. He grabbed the bottle..." is grammatically correct, but clumsy. Rewording would be needed, something like "There was one shot of whisky left in the bottle. He sloshed it into his glass and downed it." Or something.

Wine is also not drank (drunk? dranken? I can't convince myself which is correct!) in shots. If a wine bottle is getting low, you could say the "bottle was down to the dregs." I don't think anyone says "dregs" for brandy or whisky, though. I don't know what it might be for brandy. Perhaps "down to the final finger," although "give me two fingers" (i.e., fill the glass to the same depth as the width of two fingers) might also be a whisky term.

alpacinoutd · Oct 19, 2020

So, shot is not used for wine at all? What is the equivalent for wine?
Obviously, dregs is not the same as shot.

mrsmig · Oct 19, 2020

One drinks wine from a glass.

Unless one is intent on getting completely blotto, in which case one drinks directly from the bottle, bypassing glass entirely.

angeliz2k · Oct 19, 2020

Dregs are the residual solids left over at the bottom of a glass/cup/mug of liquid. Tea and coffee and wine often leave dregs. But if you're down to the dregs, it means there's no actual alcohol left.

As noted, wine comes in glasses. But I don't think you want a specific measure here, especially given that the character is drunk. Their main concern, I imagine, is that there isn't enough left to get drunker. You could say there is only a swig or a swallow left, or that there's "barely enough to wet his lips", or that the "last bits of wine swirled around the bottom of the otherwise empty bottle". In other words, describe it in more immediate terms.

alpacinoutd · Oct 20, 2020

Dear folks, I have combined stuff and this is what I have. Could you please read it and tell me what you think about the whole thing?

She opened the door to her dimly-lit apartment to see her son in the corner of the living room. Her eyes wandered around from his blonde hair to the pile of clothes on the sofa, resting finally on the bottle of wine on the kitchen counter. The last bits of wine swirled around in an otherwise empty bottle. George was drunk, lost in the music and dancing with his hands up in the air. He saw his mom in his periphery and staggered drunkenly toward her. "Oh, look who's here. My dear mom," he slurred. George then grabbed the bottle and took the last swig straight from the bottle. "Oh, look, the bottle is empty now."

mrsmig · Oct 20, 2020

Sorry, but you're asking for people to critique your writing now, and this is not the place nor the time to do it.

According to AW's rules, you're not allowed to start a thread asking for crit until you've racked up 50+ posts. In addition, those threads belong in the password-protected Share Your Work subforum (password is vista).

There are a couple of threads where you can get small segments of your work reviewed without the 50 posts. In the Share Your Work subforum, look for the "Hook Me in 200 Words" or "Post Your First Three Sentences" threads (some of them are genre-specific). Those threads are all for the opening words of your work, so if the excerpt you posted is not from your opener, you may want to pick something else to share. Also, if you do decide to share, be sure you do as the mods ask and read the stickies first.

P.S. I see you've never gone to the New Members subforum to start a thread introducing yourself. If you do that, you'll get an official welcome plus links to helpful information about the rules of the forum and how to navigate it.

AW Admin · Oct 20, 2020

The question about language use is fine for Basic writing, but at this point, when you present a paragraph, you are asking for a critique, which as the forum description for BWQ is not appropriate here.

Crits or critiques are pretty special, and have their own sub forum called Share Your Work (SYW). You need 50 posts to start a new thread in SYW.

Lots of times new members think they know what it means to be critted, and that their work is ready for it, when it isn't. So having to have 50 genuine, engaged posts gives new members a chance to figure out how critting works.

Until you have 50 posts, why not go to Share Your Work and read some crits, and carefully read the stickies, and maybe try your own hand at doing a crit ?

The password for Share Your Work is vista.

There's an FAQ listing passwords.

Once you have 50 posts, you can start your own thread in Share Your Work. Until then, reading crits, and trying your own hand at critting will help you understand what it's like to be critted.

there was one shot left in the brandy bottle

alpacinoutd

AW Admin

alpacinoutd

TylerJK

Chris P

Likes metaphors mixed, not stirred

alpacinoutd

mrsmig

Write. Write. Writey Write Write.

angeliz2k

never mind the shorty

alpacinoutd

mrsmig

Write. Write. Writey Write Write.

AW Admin