Chapter One and the Dreaded Waking Up Cliche

gothicangel · Aug 9, 2020

So, I am currently working on my WIP which is a crime novel. Recently I came across a blog which (rightly) said (1) don't start with your book with a dream; and (2) don't start your book with your main character waking up. But then, I realised that's what my first chapter consists of a character coming round after being knocked out and kidnapped.

Is that a huge no no? Will a line like: 'He opened his eyes. He thought he opened his eyes' automatically put you on the reject list?

Sure, this version needs a lot of work still. However, I have also tried writing a more run of the mill kidnap sequence. Firstly, it feels too blah and feels like a cliche in itself. Plus, I don't particularly like it and rather have my SOCOs work what happened in later chapters. I far prefer the original version.

So would this be an auto-reject?

litdawg · Aug 9, 2020

Auto reject? No, but why not have some other physical cue for your start?

Hopefully WLCT · Aug 9, 2020

My WIP starts that way to. But my MC isn't dreaming, she's simply waking up. Any thoughts anyone?

Tocotin · Aug 9, 2020

I don't know about auto reject, it's just that waking up is a situation we face every day; in other words, it's not terribly exciting. If you have your iron-clad reasons for starting in this way, make it compelling enough for the reader/agent/whoever picks it up, and you're good. A lot depends on the execution, really.

Waking up after being kidnapped might be interesting depending on the situation the character is in, but they have to get up anyway for the sake of the story, right? Why not start with them already awake and hopeful, I don't know, that they get breakfast in bed?

:troll

Maryn · Aug 9, 2020

Having been knocked out--once was enough, thank you--I vividly remember that before I opened my eyes, my brain was trying to make sense of why I was on my back in the dirt. I'd start with internal monologue rather than opening eyes.

Although I do like the line about how he thought he opened his eyes. If you decide to start with the eyes, how about some variation of He thought he opened his eyes or Had he actually opened his eyes?

Hopefully WLCT, I suspect that's not the best way to start. You want your first line, or at least your first paragraph, to grab the reader's attention. Waking up is pretty ho-hum unless there's something unusual about it, like a camper waking up because there's a snake in the sleeping bag with her.

Maryn, who doesn't camp for a reason

Ari Meermans · Aug 9, 2020

The reason for the advice to not open with your character waking—whether from a dream or from being cold-conked—has its origins in one of the best-ever pieces of advice: Don't bore your reader. Don't go on and on with the waking sequence without the unusual, dire, or terrifying aspect of the situation. Don't have them doing mundane things like putting the coffee on then brushing their teeth while wondering about this, that, and the other after waking from the dream. You're allowed to build suspense, just don't drag it out.

You might be surprised at how many novels do open with this type of scene but the author almost immediately has the reader wanting to know what the heck happened . . . or how the character is going to escape . . . or how did they get to that particular location?

As always, it's all in the execution.

indianroads · Aug 9, 2020

I'm wary of advice that begins with either 'always' or 'never', and am of the opinion that we should start our tale where it begins. Also, I wouldn't consider this sort of opening as cliche because I can't recall reading a book where this occurred - so it is by definition, not cliche.

indianroads · Aug 9, 2020

Maryn wrote: Having been knocked out--once was enough, thank you--I vividly remember that before I opened my eyes, my brain was trying to make sense of why I was on my back in the dirt. I'd start with internal monologue rather than opening eyes.

I fought in several full-contact karate matches back in the old PKA (Pro-Karate Association) days. Back then, I was running my own dojang (TKD school) and entered that sort of competition so I could learn and understand how to train others.

Anyway, I recall getting ready for the fight and walking down to the ring, then I woke up in the hospital with no idea how I got there. It took me some time to figure out where I was and what had happened, which isn't a terrible place to start a story (IMO).

Tepelus · Aug 9, 2020

I've been knocked out once, back in elementary school when I was knocked out of a swing and fell on the ground...out cold. I've passed out multiple times after that, but the first sensation I've had coming back around was my hearing. The sounds were fuzzy, hollow, and started to come into focus before I open my eyes, disoriented and not knowing what the heck just happened. I can hear my breathing above other noises around me. When my hearing and my sight come back to near normal it's then I figure out where I am and what had happened.

gothicangel · Aug 9, 2020

Maryn said:
Having been knocked out--once was enough, thank you--I vividly remember that before I opened my eyes, my brain was trying to make sense of why I was on my back in the dirt. I'd start with internal monologue rather than opening eyes.

Ha! I so did the same thing while walking Hadrian's Wall a few years back. I went over badly on my ankle and fell backwards. Cracked my head of hard-baked mud. The sound of my head hitting the ground will never leave me. A minor miracle I didn't end up with a concussion.

Thanks for all the advice. Feeling a bit more reassured and as I say it still needs a lot of work (and SYW too).

mccardey · Aug 9, 2020

gothicangel said:
Ha! I ~~so did the same thing while walking~~ was knocked out on Hadrian's Wall a few years back...

That is practically an ancient war story, and I'm insanely jealous.

I just searched my memory for similar events and all I could remember was that I skidded once on the steps to the Sydney Opera House and dropped a glass of fairly ordinary champagne and felt like an idiot. I need to get out more.

Marian Perera · Aug 9, 2020

I have a manuscript where the MC wakes up to find a ghost in his bedroom, and the ghost seems really pissed off at him. One reader suggested that a waking-up opening might put people off, so I thought of changing this so the MC was reading in bed (for story purposes, the ghost had to appear at one a.m., meaning the MC couldn't be gardening). But then I thought, if there really are people who don't want to read a story where the MC wakes up to see a ghost glaring down at him simply because, well, the MC wakes up... maybe it wasn't worth changing anything simply to satisfy them. I knew my opening wasn't a cliche and that was enough for me.

mewellsmfu · Aug 9, 2020

Agent Kristin Nelson wrote about openings where a character awakens on Pub Rants. Here are the two entries on that particular subject, if you're interested:

https://nelsonagency.com/2016/08/9-story-openings-to-avoid-part-3/

https://nelsonagency.com/2015/06/perils-of-waking-character-openings-take-2/

Bing Z · Aug 10, 2020

My experience from reading many 'first two hundred words' posts and other SYW snippets (most are opening chapters):

The big problem is not really about waking up; it is about what happens after the wake-up moment. A story needs to start with a forward momentum, which is what drives the readers to turn the pages. Very often, a wake up beginning leads to what happened before the MC went to sleep (or got knocked out) and more backstories. So the momentum is either backward or stalled.

So a girl wakes up at 2:57 am and sees a child abuser ghost; she jumps up; beats the hell outta that ghost, and founds a bad-ghost-beating team... that is gonna be exciting.

OTOH, a girl wakes up at 7:30 am, minds her morning routine, goes to school, chitchats with her seven pals, sits through classes (and comments about each of the teachers and hot boys she is not interested in) until late afternoon, goes home... chances are the story does not begin until chapter 3 (or 33).

And then, say a girl wakes up from a coma, wonders what has happened; her thoughts drifts back to 3 weeks (or 23 weeks) ago, when aliens invaded Earth for fresh meat... and the next thing the MC does in real time is in chapter 7 (or 37) when she eats dinner with her family in a cave. This often makes me wonder why not start the story at the time of the alien invasion.

janeofalltrades · Aug 10, 2020

I definitely agree the advice you were reading does not apply to this situation. Waking up from a knock on the head is different than waking up from a dream, and far more interesting. I would definitely start with internal monologue, maybe the MC feels like they have a splitting headache. Hook the reader on finding out what happened through your character trying to figure it out.

Woollybear · Aug 10, 2020

In addition to the excellent thoughts above--

Sometimes it seems that new writers, myself included, or maybe all writers in their early drafts, rely on whatever is going through their mind as they are writing. Sometimes I find myself typing 'she yawned' only to realize that i had just yawned.

Starting with waking up feels to me like it is in this ballpark. We start our days by waking up, and we engage the world again by coming aware, so we naturally start stories with a character becoming aware, by waking up. It is a very natural 'start' sequence.

To me, the advice of 'don't start with waking up' stems from this--it can be an indicator of lazy writing. It takes effort to change that into either a different scenario, or to use wording that does not explicitly say 'she woke up,' even if that is what has happened.

TrapperViper · Aug 10, 2020

Marian Perera said:
But then I thought, if there really are people who don't want to read a story where the MC wakes up to see a ghost glaring down at him simply because, well, the MC wakes up... maybe it wasn't worth changing anything simply to satisfy them. I knew my opening wasn't a cliche and that was enough for me.

This makes sense.

Also, big name publishers continue to publish novels with the protagonist waking up. It doesn't seem to be a deal breaker. That said, unless you'd damage your opening and plot, you might want to error on the safe side for your debut novel.

I'm sure whatever decision you make will work out lovely.

Lakey · Aug 10, 2020

mewellsmfu said:
Agent Kristin Nelson wrote about openings where a character awakens on Pub Rants. Here are the two entries on that particular subject, if you're interested:

https://nelsonagency.com/2016/08/9-story-openings-to-avoid-part-3/

https://nelsonagency.com/2015/06/perils-of-waking-character-openings-take-2/

I recommend reading these links, and also following all the posts linked within them and reading them too. You might not agree with every word she says -- you might even find yourself saying "but my wake-up opening is different because...." But try to turn off that voice for a minute, and listen to what these posts tell you.

One of the things that gets said in this family of posts is: "It’s an opening we see way too often (not sure why) and 99% of the time, this opening simply is not the best place to launch your story." (Emphasis mine.) If you read the comments on the posts, you will see a good number of writers sharing their wake-up openings, or at least acknowledging that they have them. There are a lot of people out there with wake-up openings.

That should give you pause. Why do you want to start your story the way "way too many" stories get started? Your story is unique. It's yours. It's not the same as anyone else's. So give some thought to what makes your story different, and see if you can find a way to start that reflects that.

Sure, you can find tons and tons and tons of books that have wake-up openings. But instead of hauling that out as a reason to use one, try thinking about it as a reason not to use one, and see where it takes you.

:e2coffee:

Note on the second half of the sentence I quoted, "this opening simply is not the best place to launch your story": An early draft of my novel-in-progress had a wake-up opening in which a character's mother phones to request that she come to a lunch with a certain guest her mother wants her to meet. My novel no longer begins with this lunch at all, but in revisions came to realize that the wake-up isn't even the right place to start the chapter that contains the lunch. A later draft of that chapter started with the character arriving at her mother's house for the lunch. A still later draft -- where it stands now -- actually begins this sequence after the luncheon, in a scene between the character and the guest, using interiority and backstory to incorporate whatever essential material there had been in the wake-up, arrival, and luncheon scenes. Guess which version I think is strongest? The lesson for me was that I can almost always start the scene later than I think, and the result will almost always be richer and more interesting.

Marian Perera · Aug 10, 2020

TrapperViper said:
This makes sense.

Also, big name publishers continue to publish novels with the protagonist waking up. It doesn't seem to be a deal breaker. That said, unless you'd damage your opening and plot, you might want to error on the safe side for your debut novel.

Well, to complicate it a little more, the story begins from the POV of the ghost, not the character who wakes up.

So the story begins with, "When the clock struck one, the Ghost of Christmas Past opened her eyes, and there was light." And the first scene goes on to show how she argues with the man whose soul she's been sent to save.

Because of this, I don't think this is a typical story told from the POV of a character who just woke up, and who's going to brush his teeth, eat breakfast, drive to the office, etc. It's from the POV of a ghost who just woke someone up.

I think this makes my story different. But of course I'm biased; it's my story. I suppose if it's a bad idea and a barrier to publication to have waking up of any kind at the start of a story, then I could have the ghost arrive to find her prospective target reading a book (though at one a.m., it seems more likely he'd be asleep, and part of the reason said target is annoyed at the ghost is because she just woke him up so she could lecture him about his faults).

I'm sure whatever decision you make will work out lovely.

Thanks! Honestly, I feel that if people don't want to read this because it begins with a ghost waking someone up to preach to him about his sins, and they'd rather read about a ghost interrupting someone's reading to preach to him about his sins, this would be like my not wanting to read any Harry Potter books because the main character is called Harry.

It's a perfectly legitimate reason to not want to read something. We all have our likes and dislikes and quirks. But it's not the kind of reason I think I should take into account when making changes to a manuscript.

TrapperViper · Aug 10, 2020

Marian Perera said:
Well, to complicate it a little more, the story begins from the POV of the ghost, not the character who wakes up.

So the story begins with, "When the clock struck one, the Ghost of Christmas Past opened her eyes, and there was light." And the first scene goes on to show how she argues with the man whose soul she's been sent to save.

Because of this, I don't think this is a typical story told from the POV of a character who just woke up, and who's going to brush his teeth, eat breakfast, drive to the office, etc. It's from the POV of a ghost who just woke someone up.

I think this makes my story different. But of course I'm biased; it's my story. I suppose if it's a bad idea and a barrier to publication to have waking up of any kind at the start of a story, then I could have the ghost arrive to find her prospective target reading a book (though at one a.m., it seems more likely he'd be asleep, and part of the reason said target is annoyed at the ghost is because she just woke him up so she could lecture him about his faults).

Thanks! Honestly, I feel that if people don't want to read this because it begins with a ghost waking someone up to preach to him about his sins, and they'd rather read about a ghost interrupting someone's reading to preach to him about his sins, this would be like my not wanting to read any Harry Potter books because the main character is called Harry.

It's a perfectly legitimate reason to not want to read something. We all have our likes and dislikes and quirks. But it's not the kind of reason I think I should take into account when making changes to a manuscript.

Lol, I apologize Marian. I wasn't addressing you but the author of the post. When I said "you" I meant gothicangel. Your (Marian) decision made sense to me, is what I meant to imply.

And gothicangel, if you decide to keep your story opening with the MC waking up i'm sure it will be as deliberate as Marian and will work out great.

indianroads · Aug 10, 2020

I think we much be clear about what our goal is for the first few lines of the first chapter.

YES - as Bing said:

The big problem is not really about waking up; it is about what happens after the wake-up moment. A story needs to start with a forward momentum, which is what drives the readers to turn the pages.

Also in consideration is what aspect of the story we are introducing. Usually, it's either a character, the world, or the struggle. Often it's a combination, but doing too much can be confusing. Usually I usually introduce either the main protagonist or antagonist and show a bit about the world. Their struggle, what they will be tasked to surmount, can begin just a bit later; I do it that way because for me as a reader, if I don't give a hoot about the character then I'm not invested in the success of their struggle.

Again though - as Bing said - there has to be a hook that will pull the reader into the story and drive them to keep turning pages.

gothicangel · Aug 10, 2020

TrapperViper said:
Also, big name publishers continue to publish novels with the protagonist waking up. It doesn't seem to be a deal breaker. That said, unless you'd damage your opening and plot, you might want to error on the safe side for your debut novel.

This!

I can name a dozen authors who I know have done this type of opening scene, but they are all well-established authors by the time that particular book was published, and could obviously get away with more than an unpublished author seeking their first agent.

Of course, even though its a crime novel I am a huge fan of psychological thrillers and horror (particularly Gothic literature which I studied at university). So, I naturally have a preference for an opening chapter which makes me feel fear (I love Donald Maass' advice on building emotion in fiction).

Sonya Heaney · Aug 10, 2020

My first book opens with the main character waking up. Just sayin'.

I didn't even realise what I'd done until after it was published! However, my heroine wakes up because her house is surrounded by a criminal gang, so it wasn't like I had her wandering about the house, brushing her hair and describing her appearance as she looks at herself in a mirror.

Elle. · Aug 10, 2020

gothicangel said:
This!

I can name a dozen authors who I know have done this type of opening scene, but they are all well-established authors by the time that particular book was published, and could obviously get away with more than an unpublished author seeking their first agent.

Of course, even though its a crime novel I am a huge fan of psychological thrillers and horror (particularly Gothic literature which I studied at university). So, I naturally have a preference for an opening chapter which makes me feel fear (I love Donald Maass' advice on building emotion in fiction).

Established authors can definitely get away with more than what debut authors can.

My question would be, why would you want your opening to be the same as dozens of others. Waking up after being knocked out or kidnapped is in my opinion the easy way to start, why not try something different to stand out. I don't know your story but for example, someone in pitch darkness trying to guess the size of the room he's locked in by counting his steps or someone screaming his head off trying to attract attention, or someone claustrophobic concentrating on a fly trapped in the room with him in an attempt not to lose it, etc...

mccardey · Aug 10, 2020

Sonya Heaney said:
My first book opens with the main character waking up. Just sayin'. I didn't even realise what I'd done until after it was published! However, my heroine wakes up because her house is surrounded by a criminal gang, so it wasn't like I had her wandering about the house, brushing her hair and describing her appearance as she looks at herself in a mirror.

Yes, this. My understanding (through being Very Old) is that the Don't Start With A Wake-Up Scene advice was largely shorthand for Don't start with the heroine waking up, going to the mirror and describing her appearance.

Here's some advice for people who are just starting out: I'm also a firm believer that just-waking-up is fine for the first draft - as long as you remember it probably won't stay. It's more for the writer than the reader. I have my own version of it which is Character-In-Library-Looking-At-Books. It never lasts long, but its a good way to fill up the first page or so with words when you're right at the start. Just so you have words to come back to next day.

Give yourself permission to write what ever works for you in the first days, is my advice. Then put a pin in it on about the third day when you're more in touch with what's going on and who your character is turning out to be. I've seen lots of new (especially young) writers get completely stymied out of starting because they can't think of a good opening. Sometimes you need to come back and do the opening later, when you know more.

Chapter One and the Dreaded Waking Up Cliche

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