Humans are Weird/Humans are Space Orcs

TulipMama

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Hello all,

So I'm still new here and prostrate myself before you should my ignorance land this thread in the wrong sub-forum. Please feel free to correct me via lambasting.

Something I've been in love with since I was wee was science fiction, but not so much is how humans are usually portrayed as either the 'every-man' species or the least capable and only getting by on our pluck and spirit. I found it oddly insulting when I discovered that the Ferengi, Star Trek's capitalism weebs, were physically stronger than humans by base. The Ferengi. Seriously.

Anyway, I was titillated to find the 'Humans are Space Orcs' sub-genre/writing prompts in recent years. I've had the pleasure of reading some very, very beautiful stories from the perspective of aliens dealing with humans who, while still plucky and spirited, also make full use of hysterical strength, adrenaline, scar tissue, our capacity for noise mimicry and dozens of other weird odds and sods about human biology and culture.


With that bit of exposition out of the way, my ask is thus - Write a short story, or even a bit of dialogue, from the aliens point of view, then leave an odd human trait to prompt the next writer.

EG:

Autism

Second Engineer’s Log: Chk-!-K - Incident Report

I was tilling the soil in the engine room when the event happened. The chitin on my legs made adequate tools for moving through the dirt to stir it up in preparation of new fuel seedlings. The leafy door opened and my supervisor, First Engineer Kuni, walked in carrying a large parcel made of the human designed ‘cardboard’ material.

He placed the ‘box’ down on the dirt with care then looked at me with his strange, single pointed eyes, his face the same bland expression he always wore. I considered myself very social and had tried to understand the way Borealean tails, or Gish bellows showed mood. According to the Colonial database, humans expressed their emotions through facial muscles which stretched their epidermis. Kuni had almost never done this, which left me thinking he was a very severe, disciplined human. He opened the parcel, beckoning me to approach as he did so.

I moved out of the soil and through a trough of water to clean off my legs. The water was filled with a nutritive solution used to feed the fuel seedlings and it stung. It flowed into the cracked portions of my chitin that had been over-stressed by tilling the ground. I scuttled over to Kuni, rearing up to raise my head to eye level while he squatted over his package. Without a word he put his hand into the box, pulled and stood.

A stream of clicking steel links issued from the box, interconnected metal bars with dozens of triangular blades dangling on the outside edges. My reaction was immediate as I clambered away and up the side of the wall. My terrifying human superior was brandishing some kind of weapon at me, and I had no means of escape or defense! Even in the engine room where the reactor tree grew, Kuni was tall enough to reach up and scoop me from the ceiling. I could bite him, but I lacked the deadly neurotoxin afforded the females of my species and humans have been reputed to ignore missing limbs in combat! I chittered my fear, the sectioned plates along my body raised in aggression in vain hopes of scaring him away. When I focused on his face though, I recognized the change in expression. He was confused? No, there was a small liquid secretion from one of his eyes, that meant he was sad! He lowered the weapon and dropped to his posterior on the dirt, leaving me fixed with that sorrowful look.

“Le-chk-ad engineer-k Kuni? Plea-k-se explain?” I asked, it was hard to keep the nervous chittering out of my voice.

“I ordered something for you from one of my engineering colleagues on Eldorado station. This is a tilling harness, to protect your legs while you work the soil.” He jostled the collection of steel bars and blades. I realized there was one blade for each of my legs, and they resembled the small digging tool Kuni used. “You told me once digging hurt your chitin, so I got this for you, but you ran away from me like I would hurt you.”

“I… was startled.” My reply sounded dumb and insincere, even to me.

“I thought we were friends, I didn’t expect you of all people to treat me like the rest do.” His body curled up into a defensive ball of some sort, and he shook with gasping sounds as though he were having a hard time drawing proper breath. I crawled down the wall and over to him.

“You have nev-k-er indic-k-cated joy around me with the hu-chk-man ‘smile’ response?” I didn’t know how he could have thought us friends, we had very restrained interaction with little emotional interplay.

“I’m autistic, I don’t do expression very well.” My silence must have conveyed my confusion as he continued. “It’s a condition that limits how well I understand social situations. Among humans I don’t fit in very well, so I worked on non-human ships.” His ocular secretions ran freely down his face, and I felt shame at my own behaviour. Kuni had made my work much easier over the two years he had been on board. He’d streamlined things so I didn’t have to stress myself as much to keep up with the engine tree. Was that his method of showing affection?

“How do oth-k-ers treat you?” I asked, certain I already knew the answer.

“On these ships I’m treated like I’ll snap and eat whoever’s closest to me at any second.” Which was a sentiment I understood. Kachkquery like myself were the only true carnivorous species to be space faring in the Colonial systems which led us to be considered dangerous by most. Humans, despite not being true carnivores, had a much fiercer reputation for their strength, size and bouts of aggression. Every battle or war they had been a part of ended in their favour by a wide margin. I had treated Kuni in the same manner I had endured from every Gish, Borealean or Paza on this ship, and he thought of me as a friend.

“I -chk- am sorry -k- friend Kuni.” Coiling around him as I spoke, as though he were a brood sibling. We sat that way for several minutes before he gave me a hug around my segmented thorax, and we set to getting me into the tilling harness. It was heavy, but comfortable and fit all thirty six of my legs very well. I returned to working with my silent friend.


Next prompt:

Caffeine is a neurotoxin that humans LOVE
 

Maggie Maxwell

Making Einstein cry since 1994
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As someone who just sold a Humans are Weird piece to an anthology created by someone from this forum, this is definitely a beloved topic here, and I look forward to seeing what people come up with:)
 
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Pacific

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Tulip mama wrote a sci fi piece and Maggie Maxwell makig Eistein cry since 1994 replied