Choosing the right words — avoiding repetition/fitting definitions

H7TM4N · Jun 25, 2020

My question is really two-part. Firstly I find I might have a preference or dislike of certain words for a variety of reasons, how to manage this I still find a bit of a challenge.

For example let's say I wish to reference a group of trees in my writing. I might choose words like a grove/a stand of trees/a copse, but their definitions are not quite the same. So how do I vary my word choice while still being accurate. Is it wrong to say a large copse, when copse in itself specifically means a small group of trees? Is that an incorrect way of using a modifier?

Another example is when a certain word clashes with the setting of the story even though it's technically the most correct. When I write about a leather jacket, I think of something a biker might wear. So if I wish to describe that type of longsleeved clothing being worn specifically by a female character in a medieval based fantasy without conjuring images of modern leather jackets, I could use the word "jerkin" but again it's definition is technically inaccurate as jerkins were primarily worn by men and often had no sleeves. Would it be wrong to describe it as a "longsleeved jerkin" (perhaps with a specifically feminine fit) and should I therefore stick with the more general "jacket" even though I feel it might carry with it a modern sense of the word that I wish to avoid? This is also true for a few words which are still in modern use but also had a historic version/origin, like the word "coat".

Thanks for the help in choosing the right words.

angeliz2k · Jun 25, 2020

A few things: First, don't overthink it. Not all repetition is poison. There's going to be a certain amount of repetition as you talk about a certain object/person. You can try to avoid using the same word by using similar words or other circumlocutions, but as you say that might be less accurate and it will end up being awkward and obvious. A jerkin is a jerkin. Call it a jerkin.

That being said, there are ways to avoid repetition. One is to change up sentence structure a bit so that you can use pronouns instead of the object/person. ("She liked the jerkin. It was lightweight and moved with her.") Or talk about the object/person without it/them being the grammatical subject. ("She liked the jerkin. She could move in it as if it were a part of her." You notice this also uses pronouns.) Or maybe slip in some dialogue or action that gives us the idea. ("She touched the jerkin with one hand, briefly. 'This will do. This will do very well.'" Or, "She didn't hesitate. She put the jerkin on and in five minutes was dancing with unaccustomed joy.") There are a hundred different ways to express an idea, many of which don't require the use of the word "jerkin". The same goes for pretty much anything. Switch up your subjects; don't make the subject a character or an object all the time. Let strong verbs do much of the work for you.

In re: jerkins specifically. They're a Renaissance rather than a medieval thing. Though I'm not a fashion historian, I think it was usually a man's item of clothing, as well, and they were generally sleeveless. Once it has sleeves, I wouldn't call it a jerkin anymore. Jacket is also a late-medieval/Renaissance thing. I would use neither if you're going for a real medieval feel. More generally, you can use coat and jacket even though your reader might have a modern image of them. If you use other context clues (like putting the coat on over a jerkin or doublet), then your reader should get the general idea of a garment with sleeves that goes on over other garments and closes in the front.

Woollybear · Jun 25, 2020

angeliz's reply is quite good.

Your two-part question sounds like you want to manage your preferences for certain words over others, and also use the right word to convey the image in your mind, given various setting constraints.

So to the "How do I..." I can offer my solutions to date. (My toolkit is not particularly full, but you can borrow anything you like.)

1. (a) A thesaurus is still great tool even though no one wants their story to sound like a thesaurus. More often than not when I need a synonym for something like 'copse' and can't think of one, the online thesaurus offers me choices.

Thicket, grove, wood, coppice, stand, clump, brake, spinney, brush, hurst, holt, boscage.

Boscage? WTH a boscage? And then I'm down the rabbit hole of etymology which is fun too.

Often enough I realize 'clump' works just fine. But I wouldn't have remembered 'clump' on my own. So, a thesaurus is still a worthwhile tool.

(b) You can also number the trees. 'Ahead, ten or twelve trees formed a windbreak. He grabbed her by the elbow and led her to the ~~copse.~~ boscage.' :roll:

(OK, so I wouldn't actually use that option, but you get the idea...)

2. (a) With the leather jacket, 'long sleeved jerkin' works for me, despite conventions for the word 'jerkin,' and I see these kinds of workarounds in stories all the time. It does, of course, connote a certain manliness (to me) and that may work for your character or not.

(b) But also, of course you can use other adjectives. A motorcycle jacket is usually not fitted, stylish, or chic. So a stylish leather jacket would not bring to mind (to me) a motorcycle jacket.

(c) another tool is to go long with it. Embrace the confusion and use it as an opportunity to bring out character a little more. Or head off the misconception before the reader forms it: Her jacket looked warm enough, even if a bit tight across the shoulders--with luck she wouldn't need to fight in it. It was made of a supple leather and the cuffs had started to wear.

3. But the real advice is to read and see how the pro's handle this sort of thing. Take notes. Of words and ways they use them.

Good luck.

Lakey · Jun 25, 2020

Yes, angeliz's advice is excellent. Varying word choice is not about listing off synonyms like a thesaurus -- it's about varying the way you talk about things so that you don't get echoes turning up in your writing. A few years back I posted an excerpt here in Share Your Work (which incidentally included the word "copse," I think, which might be why I was reminded of it) in which a number of people ran this way and that over a rise in a park. Someone's critique highlighted the number of times I'd used the word "rise" in one paragraph. The solution here was not simply to replace each instance of the word "rise" with ridge, hill, hump, hillock... that would have been confusing, in fact, because it might have looked like I wasn't even talking about the same geographical feature! The solution was to vary the way I described the scene to reduce (not eliminate or even reduce to just one) the number of times I used the word. So, for instance, "Another cluster of people crested the rise" might become "Another cluster of people came into view," which is satisfactory if it's well established already that the POV character is looking toward the rise and people are coming at her over it. You get the idea.

Another example of poor solutions to this problem is what I call "golden liquid" syndrome -- it's a pet peeve of mine and I do see it rather frequently, even in edited, published work. It's when someone (for example) gives their character a glass of scotch, and in the next sentence or paragraph says something like "She tilted her head back and drank the golden liquid." What's wrong with it is that it's description for its own sake -- it's unnecessary, because readers already know that scotch is liquid and golden-colored; calling out that detail adds nothing, and uses precious words that could be instead spent on a more salient and specific detail that adds something. It sounds a writer trying too hard to Use Descriptive Language when she could just as clearly (and more efficiently) say "She drank off the scotch" or even "She drained the glass."

TL;DR: If you're finding echoes or word repetition in your work, switching up with synonyms (which, as you point out, might not have the precise same meaning) isn't necessarily the solution. Instead, change up your perspective a bit, and try talking about the thing a different way. Mostly, don't get so allergic to repeating a word that you wind up in golden-liquid territory.

:e2coffee:

Ari Meermans · Jun 25, 2020

There's nothing wrong with repetition. Do be careful with synonyms, though; precision in word choice does matter. Even close synonyms don't evoke the same picture or emotion in your reader. Read your sentences aloud interchanging the words and listen to the beat and flow of the sentence, too. Words matter and your word choices can set your novel apart.

Just a quick question: Why go to all the trouble (and wordage) to describe a garment similar to a jerkin but with sleeves when the perfectly serviceable and more nearly correct word for what you're describing exists? Cotehardie.

H7TM4N · Jun 27, 2020

Ari Meermans said:
There's nothing wrong with repetition. Do be careful with synonyms, though; precision in word choice does matter. Even close synonyms don't evoke the same picture or emotion in your reader. Read your sentences aloud interchanging the words and listen to the beat and flow of the sentence, too. Words matter and your word choices can set your novel apart.

Just a quick question: Why go to all the trouble (and wordage) to describe a garment similar to a jerkin but with sleeves when the perfectly serviceable and more nearly correct word for what you're describing exists? Cotehardie.

Mostly because I believe Cotehardies were not commonly made of leather and the feminine version was dress-like — like a kirtle — so to use the word to convey/or reference a feminine laced leather jacket would require additional wordage of its own. I suppose the problem is that such a piece of clothing wasn't used/didn't exist in the manner as I'm trying to convey, so there's no real word for it. I'm taking liberties because it's fantasy but that creates this challenge. Again because I find the words "jacket" and "coat" slightly unattractive in this context (mostly because of the modern use) I find myself circling back to "longsleeved jerkin".

Choosing the right words — avoiding repetition/fitting definitions

H7TM4N

angeliz2k

never mind the shorty

Woollybear

Lakey

professional dilettante

Ari Meermans

MacAllister's Official Minion & Greeter

H7TM4N