Which do you think works better? Please explain why, I'm still pretty new and hoping to improve!
In a small clearing, a dozen or so wedge tents surrounded a campfire; or rather, a light smoulder drifting up towards fading stars.
OR
A dozen or so wedge tents surrounded a campfire in a small clearing.
Night had reduced the fire to a light smoulder drifting up slowly towards fading stars.
I appreciate any help, and await your thoughts below.
EDIT: Thanks everyone for the responses. Perhaps I should have added a bit more context. This is written from a particular character's point of view, I am trying to make as much of the narrative seem like thought. "Or so" I added because the character had not precisely counted the number of tents, it is an estimation. In the same way "or rather" I had added to try convey the character's discovery/notice that the fire had been reduced to a smoulder (through the passage of time, namely night passing) as he has just woken up and crawled out of a tent of his own. With the suggestion of replacing "; or" with an Em dash — the first sentence becomes:
In a small clearing, a dozen or so wedge tents surrounded a campfire—rather, a light smoulder drifting up towards fading stars.
In a small clearing, a dozen or so wedge tents surrounded a campfire; or rather, a light smoulder drifting up towards fading stars.
OR
A dozen or so wedge tents surrounded a campfire in a small clearing.
Night had reduced the fire to a light smoulder drifting up slowly towards fading stars.
I appreciate any help, and await your thoughts below.
EDIT: Thanks everyone for the responses. Perhaps I should have added a bit more context. This is written from a particular character's point of view, I am trying to make as much of the narrative seem like thought. "Or so" I added because the character had not precisely counted the number of tents, it is an estimation. In the same way "or rather" I had added to try convey the character's discovery/notice that the fire had been reduced to a smoulder (through the passage of time, namely night passing) as he has just woken up and crawled out of a tent of his own. With the suggestion of replacing "; or" with an Em dash — the first sentence becomes:
In a small clearing, a dozen or so wedge tents surrounded a campfire—rather, a light smoulder drifting up towards fading stars.
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