Are You Embarrassed by Writing?

lizmonster

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Trying to explain the publishing business to anyone who hasn’t been involved with it is ... not fun. Therapists in particular.

I spent a fair amount of time explaining publishing to my therapist. She spent most of it with her jaw on the floor.

She's mostly struck by the vast chasm between the creativity required to write a book and the clinical mechanism necessary to sell one. I imagine with self-publishing it's worse, but even with trade there's a point at which the people around you expect you easily roll with the cold retail side of things.

I think people in other industries have a hard time believing how odd publishing can be.
 

Meemossis

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I have the same problem. I already work from home, running a small business making things for ebay. I always get a small eye roll when I talk about what I do with friends I haven't seen in a while or new people I meet. Now adding "I'm writing a romance novel" to the mix and they think I'm playing silly beggers. My husband is really proud that I've finished my novel and now on the editing stage, so he's the first person to tell them that I'm a writer. It's lovely to know I've got that support at home but I'm always a little paranoid they're laughing behind my back. I think one of the reasons I like sharing my work on AW isn't just to improve my skills, but to prove to myself I'm not wasting my time. That I have a story to tell, and it's good enough for people to buy. I just need to get myself in gear and finish the blooming thing.
 

bearilou

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I used to be.

I used to write steamy LGBT romance. So when people asked if they could read my stuff, I froze like a deer in the headlights. I did not want my mother's church friends reading it. I would get those really awkward pauses when I tried to explain what I wrote without the resultant pearl-clutching that followed. To avoid that, I hemmed and hawed and escape before it got too weird.

On a lark, I decided to try my hands at cozies and discovered I enjoyed them. I've made the jump over the fence and it's what I focus on now.

Which means I get awkward pauses when people hear "I write cozies" and can't quite figure out what I mean when I say cozies.
 

bramble

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I was...until I finished my book. Too many trunked novels had given my imposter syndrome a lot to munch on. But ask me again when I've published said book. :scared::scared::scared:
 

ConnorMuldowney

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I completely understand why it might be embarrassing to share writing. In school, everything is graded, and that definitely taught my brain to think in "objective scores" for my work in a way that probably isn't healthy.

That said, it's an instinct that must be overcome. It's hard to share writing, but hearing other people's feedback is crucial to improving beyond your own perspective. That's my opinion, at least. Though it does depend on what you are writing for. If you're just writing to amuse yourself and don't want it to turn into anything, there's no problem with not sharing. Otherwise, feedback is pretty essential
 

ConnorMuldowney

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I tend not to mention it, because it is often taken as cue for the person who asked to then tell me at great length about how he had written a fantastic novel, but no agent would recognise its brilliance and how the entire publishing industry had missed out etc etc.

If that happens "often" that's rough, there's nothing more insufferable than someone who genuinely believes that they're the most brilliant person on earth and "no one gets it."
 

lizmonster

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I completely understand why it might be embarrassing to share writing. In school, everything is graded, and that definitely taught my brain to think in "objective scores" for my work in a way that probably isn't healthy.

That's interesting; for me it's not an academic thing at all. For me, an act of creativity is intensely exposing, and it's always chancy to share something so intimate with the world, even if I've created it for that exact purpose.

Writing is like taking your heart out of your body. Publishing is handing that heart to the world with the knowledge that someone - probably multiple someones - will throw that heart in a blender. A writing career is picking yourself up and coming up with a new heart to hand to the world, knowing full well what its fate is going to be.

That said, it's an instinct that must be overcome.

This I absolutely agree with. Getting crits is never easy, but it's far easier than having the first objective assessment of your work be some stranger on Amazon.

If that happens "often" that's rough, there's nothing more insufferable than someone who genuinely believes that they're the most brilliant person on earth and "no one gets it."

It's indeed a phenomenon, and not an uncommon one. Stick around; such individuals turn up here on AW now and then.
 

Fuchsia Groan

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And try explaining to a therapist who’s barely online why you’re upset about stuff that happened on Book Twitter or other social media... that never goes well.

People pitch me their books for review, so I’ve encountered a fair number of “I’m too brilliant for the publishing establishment” writers. I think a writer needs a certain amount of iron-clad belief in their own talent to endure the rejection mill, but the key is to temper that self-belief with openness to advice and critique, and not everyone manages that delicate balance.
 

indianroads

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Back in the 80's there was no other route to publishing your book than through the traditional press. I got the run around, burned financially, quit writing for nearly three decades.

Now I self publish. I have a professional cover designer, an editor (whom I love - I sent her my latest today). I also use beta readers for sections I'm unsure of (female pov for example). I control what's published under my byline.

As far as embarrassed?
Hell no - I'm proud of what I've accomplished. I know several people that say they want to write a novel - a few of them have even started writing - but none of them finish. Writing takes vision, dedication, and above all stamina. The common misconception is that we just write it once, send a letter to a publisher who fawns over our work, and our book becomes an instant best seller.

Not gonna happen.

I'm proud to be among those who have written and published. There are a ton of wannabe's, I'm one of the few that toughed it out and did it.
 

janeofalltrades

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I am a bit embarrassed, but it's partly because of the genre I'm drawn to (steamy romance), the fact my mother talked me out of being an author full-time while I was in elementary school, and my current WIP.

My current WIP is a very personal piece that started as a sort of therapy and has evolved into something bigger; I'm exposing all my secrets and making them public. While I'm going to publish under a pen name, I'm worried someone will figure out who my characters were based on in real life and be offended.
 

angeliz2k

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Writing is like taking your heart out of your body. Publishing is handing that heart to the world with the knowledge that someone - probably multiple someones - will throw that heart in a blender. A writing career is picking yourself up and coming up with a new heart to hand to the world, knowing full well what its fate is going to be.

...Or better/worse yet, act like you and your heart don't even exist. ;) Publishing is grand, ain't it?

[I can handle rejection better than being treated like I don't exist.]
 

lizmonster

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...Or better/worse yet, act like you and your heart don't even exist. ;) Publishing is grand, ain't it?

[I can handle rejection better than being treated like I don't exist.]

What my therapist keeps coming back to is the psychological damage the publishing industry has the ability to inflict. It's not that it's designed to make people feel bad; it's not. It's an objective, dispassionate, capitalistic business, which is what it needs to be to survive in most of the world's economies.

And it's trying to sell something that's inherently subjective on the part of both the producer and the consumer. It's a harsh, awful business with a lot of burnout and a lot of failure.

Writers are the supply line. We're the whole reason the business exists. But there are so many of us, and publishing is constantly juggling to figure out what will sell and how to sell it. Lost between point A and point B are a lot of good writers, and a lot of good books.

I wish there were a better way to get stories to readers.
 

Chris P

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What my therapist keeps coming back to is the psychological damage the publishing industry has the ability to inflict. It's not that it's designed to make people feel bad; it's not. It's an objective, dispassionate, capitalistic business, which is what it needs to be to survive in most of the world's economies.

It helps me to weather the gut-punch of rejection to remember that publishing is a business. Someone's interest in my work is based on whether or not they can profit from it (money, traffic to their site, exposure). That's it, and that's all it needs to be.

Where mental health comes in for me is in the insecurities I bring with me in all areas of my life. I assume that the whole world agrees with the one person who doesn't like something I did, and who might judge me based on the product I produce. It plays out that I have to get the approval of the most unreasonable person to have permission to proceed. It's no simple matter and a roller-coaster struggle to keep at bay the one imaginary voice saying "stupid, stupid, stupid" when nobody is really saying that. Even if someone decides my piece is "not right for them at this time." This isn't the interior environment for everyone by any means, but is where I'm at sometimes.
 
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Elenitsa

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As far as embarrassed?
Hell no - I'm proud of what I've accomplished. I know several people that say they want to write a novel - a few of them have even started writing - but none of them finish. Writing takes vision, dedication, and above all stamina. The common misconception is that we just write it once, send a letter to a publisher who fawns over our work, and our book becomes an instant best seller.

Not gonna happen.

I'm proud to be among those who have written and published. There are a ton of wannabe's, I'm one of the few that toughed it out and did it.

This is how I am feeling too, after 10 published books and a few small literary prizes won. I call myself indie published, but not self-published, because there are small independent publishing houses I have published with. I have never been ashamed for writing, and I write since first grade. I have got the hard end for writing when in school and high school, for losing my time and not focusing on the exam subjects, but I survived and I kept writing, because I could not do otherwise. And yes, I am proud for having succeeded to finish some books and publish them, and I am trying to help two of my friends achieve their dream too. Actually, by being the local ML for NaNoWriMo for my city, I guess I am doing even more to give back...

- - - Updated - - -
 
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Roxxsmom

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I spent a fair amount of time explaining publishing to my therapist. She spent most of it with her jaw on the floor.

She's mostly struck by the vast chasm between the creativity required to write a book and the clinical mechanism necessary to sell one. I imagine with self-publishing it's worse, but even with trade there's a point at which the people around you expect you easily roll with the cold retail side of things.

I think people in other industries have a hard time believing how odd publishing can be.

I know what you mean about trying to explain in ins and outs of publishing (and how little control one has over the outcome) to one's therapist. I think mine's head was about to explode whenever it came up.

I imagine that's something therapists in general have to deal with a lot these days, though: stressed-out patients who are caught in a tough work or professional situation the patient actually has very little control over.

But that's one reason I don't like talking about writing very much to people who aren't also writers who have been trying to write in recent years. And many people who aren't trying to get published assume that being a good writer is all it takes to get published and make a decent living off one's books. And everyone's heard those stories about the (very rare) self-published wonders too.

It was exhausting trying to explain the process to people when they asked "where I was" in said process, because simply saying, "I'm querying agents" would be met with blank stares. It was also exhausting trying to explain what the novel was about and seeing them get glassy eyed and murmur, "I don't read fantasy," or better yet, "I don't have time to read fiction."

And they wonder why it's so hard to sell novels.
 
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lizmonster

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But that's one reason I don't like talking about writing very much to people who aren't also writers who have been trying to write in recent years. And many people who aren't trying to get published assume that being a good writer is all it takes to get published and make a decent living off one's books. And everyone's heard those stories about the (very rare) self-published wonders too.

Yeah, I'm not sure I've ever seen an accurate portrayal of a writer in popular media. I think my favorite was the guy trying to write a followup to his first, critically-acclaimed literary novel. The movie had him living alone in a massive NYC loft, with many long shots of him pecking glumly at a manual typewriter, no other source of income apparent.

My therapist got hung up for a while on my reviews, which are not bad. She couldn't understand how a book could get good reviews but still be a financial disaster. That, and the whole book-to-agent-to-publisher-to-marketing-to-sales-to-bookstores path just appalled her. It's not like her industry, that's for sure.
 

Jason

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Makes ya wonder about other professions-turned-writer though...

Lots of "therapists" turn to the written word as a means of making an income. Just one Google search reveals many writers that claim to be therapists. It reminds me of an old adage, that however untrue, goes along the lines of:

"Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, teach phys. ed."

Maybe it could extend further to include "Those who can, write!"

But then I look at some of the published work out there en masse, and wonder how they continue to corner the market because it's turned to drivel. I'm speaking about the Grishams of the world - they found a formula, replace the names, places and dates. Add a twist here and there to make it different and the masses devour it. I'm not embarrassed by my writing, but know that if I was in it to appeal to the masses, I'm in it for the wrong reasons to begin with. :)
 

Helix

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Makes ya wonder about other professions-turned-writer though...

Lots of "therapists" turn to the written word as a means of making an income. Just one Google search reveals many writers that claim to be therapists. It reminds me of an old adage, that however untrue, goes along the lines of:

"Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, teach phys. ed."

Maybe it could extend further to include "Those who can, write!"

But then I look at some of the published work out there en masse, and wonder how they continue to corner the market because it's turned to drivel. I'm speaking about the Grishams of the world - they found a formula, replace the names, places and dates. Add a twist here and there to make it different and the masses devour it. I'm not embarrassed by my writing, but know that if I was in it to appeal to the masses, I'm in it for the wrong reasons to begin with. :)


I don't get this post. Should people with a day job never write? Should therapists and lawyers be excluded from writing? Is there something wrong with writing books that appeal to and entertain people? Is it more noble to write something that only one person likes because something something?
 

mccardey

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But then I look at some of the published work out there en masse, and wonder how they continue to corner the market because it's turned to drivel. I'm speaking about the Grishams of the world - they found a formula, replace the names, places and dates. Add a twist here and there to make it different and the masses devour it.

Bitterness, is it? ;)
 

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Speaking as a writer who has yet to be published, I tend not to mention being a writer out of dread that the inevitable conversation will proceed thusly:

Me: Yeah, I've written a few novels, mostly fantasy and science fiction.

Other person: Oh, that's cool. Have you ever been published?

Me: Um...

Intellectually, I know that it's a long, difficult road to make it as a writer, and I have no shame at all in being one. But, hell. I went from being forty pounds overweight and barely able to run a mile to running my first marathon in less than two years. The entire way, there was clear progress. I felt like I was a little stronger, a little better each day than I was yesterday. Compared to that, progress in my writing has felt so glacial, so nebulous, that sometimes I wonder if I'm any better at writing than I was a decade ago.
 

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I was doing a 'skype a scientist' call a couple days back with some 6-8th graders and their science teacher asked me to chat about the different things I've worked on--So I did... but I ended by holding up my self-published novel and saying that with an education/degree in science a person can also go into creative writing or scientific illustration--it was a quick way to show kids all the ways their interests can intersect (art and science, for example.)

I did feel *very* mildly sheepish about showing these kids my book--it didn't feel like the right audience--and yet I thought they should see all the ways you can go in life, unexpected things you might do with a degree.

What was sort of hilarious was *all* the questions that immediately popped up in the chat about writing a novel. These kids were super-stoked about this idea of storytelling, I think because it was something more relatable to them than, say, fecal transplants, which we also were chatting about, heheh.

(Imagine the thread: "Are you embarrassed for developing fecal transplants?" LOL)
 
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angeliz2k

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Woollybear, that's fantastic. I think it's important to point out that scientific, analytical thought and creativity are not mutually exclusive. There's no reason a kid who loves to write can't be interested in and good at science or math, and vice versa, even though there's a tendency to put people, kids especially, into one box or the other.
 

Chris P

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Woollybear, that's fantastic. I think it's important to point out that scientific, analytical thought and creativity are not mutually exclusive. There's no reason a kid who loves to write can't be interested in and good at science or math, and vice versa, even though there's a tendency to put people, kids especially, into one box or the other.

I was doing a 'skype a scientist' call a couple days back with some 6-8th graders and their science teacher asked me to chat about the different things I've worked on--So I did... but I ended by holding up my self-published novel and saying that with an education/degree in science a person can also go into creative writing or scientific illustration--it was a quick way to show kids all the ways their interests can intersect (art and science, for example.)

I did feel *very* mildly sheepish about showing these kids my book--it didn't feel like the right audience--and yet I thought they should see all the ways you can go in life, unexpected things you might do with a degree.

What was sort of hilarious was *all* the questions that immediately popped up in the chat about writing a novel. These kids were super-stoked about this idea of storytelling, I think because it was something more relatable to them than, say, fecal transplants, which we also were chatting about, heheh.

(Imagine the thread: "Are you embarrassed for developing fecal transplants?" LOL)

Getting off-topic, and perhaps worth its own thread somewhere here. I am trained as a scientist, and have waaaaaay more technical pubs than I can ever realistically expect to have for fiction. I'm considering pursuing scientific creative nonfiction training (MFA? Shudders at the thought of more schooling!) particularly as I enter the last 1.5 decades of my working career.

Technical skills that have helped me in writing fiction (you don't have to be a scientist to do these well, but it's what scientists are trained to do):


  1. Words mean things, therefore know what they mean and how to use them. Focus on the unambiguous understanding of the reader.
  2. The ability to understand quickly highly complex processes in their most essential, stripped down forms to describe in fiction.
  3. Know what nuances are important and need to be included, and what can be left out.

Technical skills that I had to overcome in fiction writing:


  1. Staging. Technical writing places a lot of emphasis on background so the experiment makes sense, and is given a good chance to provide meaningful information. This was difficult for me in writing fiction. The entire stage doesn't need to be set before the story begins.
  2. Pace. Technical writing is about the information, or the process for doing something, so the pace kind of takes care of itself. In fiction, a pace that fits the story is essential.
  3. Details. This is not mutually exclusive from pace. In both technical writing and fiction, only the amount of details necessary should be presented, but the level of details needed differs.