Are You Embarrassed by Writing?

LJD

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For me, it's not the fact that I write, but the fact that I write romance. I'm not ashamed of that, but it makes me fear how other will react because there are lots of negative stereotypes about the genre.
 

Snitchcat

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Nope. I'm happy to talk about writing in general if the topic comes up, but that's as far as it goes.

Regarding those who find out, their usual reaction is, "Wow! That's brilliant!" or "Wow! Never thought I'd meet a real-life author!"

I'm been incredibly blessed. And so grateful to be.
 

Marian Perera

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Although I'll say the most common reaction I would get when I'd tell people I was writing a book was "Oh, I always wanted to write a book!"

A writer meets a neurosurgeon at a party, and the neurosurgeon says, "I always wanted to write a book. I just never had the time."

"I know what you mean," the writer answers. "I always wanted to do neurosurgery, but I just never had the time either."
 

indianroads

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For me, it's not the fact that I write, but the fact that I write romance. I'm not ashamed of that, but it makes me fear how other will react because there are lots of negative stereotypes about the genre.

Both my daughters are avid romance readers - that you write in that genre tells me that you've chosen your market well.
 

jjhoward

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I do not feel embarrassed about writing as I do about not being able to successfully explain what I am writing about to others. It feels strange to me since I used to do quite well as a salesman years ago, but it doesn't feel natural for me to be selling myself (my writings) especially as I am constantly editing my story at the moment. It's like I get lost in discussing it as much as I get lost in writing it when I'm not quite sure what will happen in the next chapter. My wife enjoys telling people that I am writing a book, which seems to automatically focus everyone's attention on me. Being a true king in the hierarchy of introversion, it kills me when I am suddenly asked, "So, what is your story about?" UGH! ACK!
 

heza

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I've been writing for a very long time with nothing to show publicly for it. Early on, I was just writing for fun, and that's what I said when people asked about my hobbies. When I got very excited about intending to write for publication, I talked about it to family and close friends. Everyone thought that was great and was very supportive. Like some others have mentioned, though, over the years, I've felt a bit judged for not having had any success yet. Inquiries about how the writing was going felt a little like people telling me I was wasting my time. Then, I lost my day job and had trouble finding another, and that's when I feel like questions started taking on a tone of "how are you contributing," and that's been a bit of a sting.

My father has been particularly bad with it since I lost my job. (My husband and I are calling it a "career change" or "soft retire" now.) He basically started demanding to read something I'd written. He claimed he enjoyed my writing and wanted to read something from a novel before he died, but I think he didn't believe I was actually writing. So I finally brought my laptop to his house to read him something... and he fell asleep during the second paragraph (of an action scene).

I used to say I was a writer when people asked how I made a living. It was true at the time, and if pressed, I'd follow up with descriptions of the technical documentation I wrote. Now, when someone (not close) asks, I get very dramatic, declare that I'm a kept woman, and then laugh uproariously as I flutter off somewhere else. I've also started saying to close people that I'm getting into "online freelance stuff." If they ask about it again, I say I'm happy with how that's going.

I don't talk about my writing anymore, and I'm not sure I'll ever willingly bring it up. I feel a lot of pressure, like everyone's waiting for it to happen. I've pretty much decided that I'm not going to talk about it again until I have something published and maybe not even then if I can still hide it. For now, though, I feel like I just need the freedom to fail in private.
 

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I don't get embarrassed, because I don't tell anyone and I live alone.

When I was a kid my father was encouraging, even though I did not know what the hell I was doing. My mother openly mocked my efforts, which was crushing at the time. In hindsight, I think it was her own insecurities coming into play, because she tried to cut the legs out from under some of my brother's accomplishments too.

My late partner was of the opinion that writers are born not made. He was encouraging in other aspects of my life, but he plainly did not get it. Now that I am retired I have all the time I need to devote to writing. I enjoy it and write for my own pleasure, so I have no need to worry what other people are thinking.
 
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indianroads

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Last night my partner got her copy of my latest book. She's only starting to read this one, but has read all the rest.
She asked me: "Are you proud?"
I answered, yes, because I am.
She responded, saying: "You should be. It's a lot of work and creativity. People often say they want to write a book, but how many actually have? You did."
 

The Second Moon

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Last night my partner got her copy of my latest book. She's only starting to read this one, but has read all the rest.
She asked me: "Are you proud?"
I answered, yes, because I am.
She responded, saying: "You should be. It's a lot of work and creativity. People often say they want to write a book, but how many actually have? You did."

That's an awesome thing to hear!
 

Helix

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I tend not to mention it, because it is often taken as cue for the person who asked to then tell me at great length about how he had written a fantastic novel, but no agent would recognise its brilliance and how the entire publishing industry had missed out etc etc.
 

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I doubt you need my input as there have already been many fantastic writers telling you, but I'm careful about who I mention my writing to. It doesn't bother me if I tell Joe Schmoe and he doesn't care ,value ,or understand it. But if I tell someone I respect or like and they blow me off, it doesn't feel good.

In this way, I've learned to only talk about my writing with close friends, especially one's who ask. You want to make a writer's day? Ask them about their writing! It's that "You know I love this thing so you pay attention and ask about it." that gets me.

I'm a bit nervous when I query something or share it for Crits, which is normal, and --I feel -- healthy as long as I go through with submitting it.

There will always be people out there who won't give you any credit unless you've made money from the publication, because making money is the way they've been programmed to see value. But my writing has immense value just in the satisfaction it gives me to do it, and anything else I earn or publish or receive as accolades is just gravy in the boat.
 

ChaseJxyz

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My friends know I write but I try to keep stuff under wraps so I don't spoil them for when they beta read. At every job I've worked people know I'm a writer (that's what my degree was in) so I'd end up writing blogs or copy for the website or anything, but I've never been asked in detail about my fiction. I didn't share the short story I got published with my coworkers since it would require a LOT of explanation (like xe/xem/xyr pronouns and why all the characters are anthropomorphic animals) but I'd be fine with them knowing my current project. But it would still require a lot of explanations (like gender fluidity and variable pronoun use) but since it's a whole novel I expect fewer of them to actually read it. But our industry is books so they'll find out either way when it gets published...it's still something I need to figure out but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
 

Mare

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I remember those feelings---a long time ago!:) You get over that in time. I agree with Chris P in part——it wearies me when people find out you write and they start providing you with story ideas and the hundred questions of how long it takes to write a book.

But at times it's entertaining, too.
 
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Chase

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I'm like Laer Carrol. I'm not embarrassed because I write and edit to eke out a modest supplement to an even more modest retirement.

Doesn't mean I'm not embarrassed by what some writers deem a polished product. :popcorn: :crazy: :rolleyes :e2paperba
 

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I've not really told many people yet, I really want to have something to show for it when I tell them even if its something they beta read for me. I just don't really want to be the guy who always said he would write but never has shown anything for it.

But if they did ask about writing or if it came up in conversation I wouldn't be embarrassed about it at all! I've always been un-ashamed about my hobbies though.
 

milotry

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I get a bit embarrassed telling people I write, not because I'm ashamed or anything, but because I tend to assume they're imagining I'm bad at it. Like, "hah, they write? I bet they suck." I've never gotten that reaction from someone, but I tend to project my self-doubt onto other people. I way prefer to talk about writing in small groups of acquaintances or with strangers than I do with friends or family, who I fullyy expect to judge me (based on no past experience of this whatsoever).

I'm definitely embarrassed writing in front of my partner - we're long distance, but when we're together and I'm writing and he walks into the room, I immediately minimise it. I draw in front of him all the time, but I guess I'm much more confident in that than I am with writing.
 

mccardey

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\I draw in front of him all the time.
God, I wish I could draw. If I could draw, I would spend every waking moment drawing and I would have walls covered with other people's drawings and my drawings and books about drawing all over the place and charcoal everywhere, and I wouldn't care what anyone ever said.

I would love to draw, I would just love it.

Also I think I'd be really good at it. If I was good at it.

ETA: (First coffee post, good morning)
 
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Roxxsmom

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I'm working on a new novel after a long period of not feeling terribly motivated (after I reached the natural end of trying to shop my first novel). I really haven't told anyone or talked about it much compared to the first time. It's not because I'm ashamed. Most people I knew were actually excited and supportive when I was working on the last one, but that was kind of the problem. The constant questions: "What is it about?" "How is it going?" "Are you finished yet?" "Have you got an agent yet?" "When it it going to be published?" "Why don't you just publish it yourself?" and occasionally, "Why are you writing fantasy? You're so talented you should write something more difficult/serious/significant/important."

It was hard, always explaining how querying works, explaining why self publishing isn't an "easy" path either and costs a lot of money up front to have even a small chance of making any, how hard it is to get trade published, how no genre is "easy" to write or get published in, trying to give a plot synopsis, and feeling like I'd let my cheerleading section down when it didn't get an agent or publisher.

Writing fiction isn't anything to be embarrassed about, any more than is any other creative endeavor. If someone thinks it's silly or laughworthy, screw them anyway. I was surprised, actually, that a number of my freshman anatomy and physiology pre-allied-health-science students (mostly gen Z) mentioned in their intro class forum posts that writing fiction (a couple even said fantasy) as something they liked to do in their free time, and even more said they enjoy reading. Reading brings joy to many people, and the world is in dire need of joy right now.

But I don't really feel like talking much about writing with folks who aren't writers themselves or my spouse, who is supportive of everything I do and knows right now the right things to say and not say. I'm not even sharing much about the novel with my fellow writers right now and probably won't until I have a first draft finished and start having "second draft" chapters ready for some critiquing.
 

Fuchsia Groan

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I talked about my writing a lot in school and college, and then I was silent for years. Decades, really. I knew I could no longer impress anyone with my precocious ability to produce adult-sounding prose. :)

Now that I have books out that I want to promote, I almost have to talk about it, but old habits die hard. From people I know, there are questions about why I write YA and why I write horror (“But you’re such a nice person!”). Sometimes I feel like saying, “Maybe don’t read my book, you’re not the target audience,” but there is this imperative to sell, sell, sell. So I try to be scrupulously honest about what the books are and aren’t, thank the person profusely if they buy a copy, and never ask what they thought of it. (Sometimes I have been pleasantly surprised by their reactions!)

Trying to explain the publishing business to anyone who hasn’t been involved with it is ... not fun. Therapists in particular. People are always asking, “Why is it so slow?” and “Why can’t you make it happen faster? Why not just self-publish?” That’s when I feel tempted to tell them I got some up-front cash for doing this writing thing. I leave it at a hint (“Many trade publishers do still give advances”) and then explain that self-publishing requires skill and stamina and doesn’t work equally well for all types of books, etc. I think the real reason I’m so “embarrassed” is that I worked hard for this and secretly I want to boast about it. False modesty mixes surprisingly well with imposter syndrome. ;)
 

milotry

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I would spend every waking moment drawing and I would have walls covered with other people's drawings and my drawings and books about drawing all over the place and charcoal everywhere

This is exactly what my life/bedroom was like when I was a teenager haha, have you considered taking a life drawing class sometime? I think it can be such a fun way to ease people into art and it doesn't require a huge time or money commitment, and you always come away from them with satisfyingly charcoal-y fingers (though might not be feasible during covid! I know some classes have moved online, but I haven't tried them).
 

mccardey

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This is exactly what my life/bedroom was like when I was a teenager haha, have you considered taking a life drawing class sometime? I think it can be such a fun way to ease people into art and it doesn't require a huge time or money commitment, and you always come away from them with satisfyingly charcoal-y fingers (though might not be feasible during covid! I know some classes have moved online, but I haven't tried them).

I have done the classes, I have been asked to leave the classes. Apparently, perspective is a thing. Also form, also colour... :(

Oh but I do love the charcoal!
 

Chris P

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I have done the classes, I have been asked to leave the classes. Apparently, perspective is a thing. Also form, also colour... :(

Oooh, I feel you on this! Some snippets from my life:

Middle school basketball coach (I was the second-tallest kid in my middle school): "Be on the team! You'll be great!"
Me: "Coach, I suck."
Coach: "You'll be awesome."
(Later in the season)
Coach: "Wow, you suck."

High school prom date: "I'll teach you to dance. Anyone can dance."
Me: "No, music makes no sense to me. I can't dance."
(She tries to teach me in the living room)
Date: "Okay, we gotta stop now. This isn't working."

Choir director at my church: "Join the choir!"
Me: "I can't sing."
Director: "Nonsense. Anyone with a soul can sing."
(We try it)
Director: "Maybe you try being a reader or something."

Friend who was an art teacher: "Anyone can do art if they would let themselves be taught."
Me: "I've tried. I can't."
Art teacher: "You're just being stubborn."
(We try it)
Art teacher: "Wow, you really can't, can you?"

I'm running out of outlets here....