Who do I focus on in my query?

Nina Kaytel · Mar 31, 2020

Alright, so I have been sniffing around the forum and queries. Pertaining to the query I am little unsure of who to focus on. The issue is the story is about the recovery a feral child (wild). Psyche is thirteen years old with no human characteristics. She talks six times throughout the novel, interacts with one characters but not until halfway through. She was raised in isolation with no human contact for thirteen years, so she is by nature one dimensional, she has no speech and thus cannot be a POV (by no speech means no words, she never learned any and by their guess never heard anyone talk), she doesn't interact with people or objects. She is a passive character, but essential to the story, but passive.Karyn, however, is the POV character, she is the one who treats Psyche, despite there being no literature on how to do this, she has to overcome a hostile 1970s attitude about women, her own trauma that aides and hinders her, she has the goals, obstacles, whatnot...As well as not knowing who to focus on, there is another issue. The book is about the treatment of Psyche and Karyn's life during (the novel covers two year. I want to make a series to cover six, but read not to write the others until the first is picked up), but there is also a murderer following the case, picking off he people on the team until Karyn herself is taken -- there is a lot going on so the MC isn't active into looking into the murderer until the end when she gets taken, so how much do I devote the query to that?What I wonder is who the query letter should focus on, the person of who the story is about, but more of an object or the MC who tells the story?Jeepers the two years I spent researching were easier.

Sage · Mar 31, 2020

Based on this, you definitely want to focus on Karyn, as she is both the MC and active.

Is the murderer there in the background, even if Karyn isn't focused on them? I'd say if it's sufficiently introduced in the book early on, you can use it toward the end of your query (if it fits). If not, I'd stick to what has to hook the reader in your novel until the murderer shows up, which would mean not using it.

Ari Meermans · Mar 31, 2020

Ask yourself: Whose story am I telling? (And there's the answer.)

I agree with Sage, it appears you're telling Karyn's story.

Nina Kaytel · Mar 31, 2020

It isn't until about halfway though do they feel danger from the killer since he starts with people who are loosely connected to Psyche then progresses as the story goes on. Karyn is present during the first, but there is so much other stuff going on with Karyn and the case that she never prioritizes it -- just some restless at the end before she is taken that is her looking into the clue left at each kill (a drawing of a raven).

Ari Meermans · Mar 31, 2020

Are you asking if life and death stakes should be in a query? If you are, the answer is a resounding Yes!

Nina Kaytel · Mar 31, 2020

Ari Meermans said:
Are you asking if life and death stakes should be in a query? If you are, the answer is a resounding Yes!

I'm just wondering how much should be mentioned. Yes, people die, but none of the MCs really every do much more than wonder, speculate about it. The first death, which Psyche sees, helps them realize from Psyche's reaction she has seen people die. Compared to everything else the murderer is the F-plot. Well I shouldn't diminish it that much the whole thing is engineered to make Psyche progress. Just in Karyn's perspective it is only a mild curiosity. Until she is taken, it doesn't effect her actions.
Does that make sense.

Ari Meermans · Mar 31, 2020

Nina Kaytel said:
I'm just wondering how much should be mentioned. Yes, people die, but none of the MCs really every do much more than wonder, speculate about it. The first death, which Psyche sees, helps them realize from Psyche's reaction she has seen people die. Compared to everything else the murderer is the F-plot. Well I shouldn't diminish it that much the whole thing is engineered to make Psyche progress. Just in Karyn's perspective it is only a mild curiosity. Until she is taken, it doesn't effect her actions.
Does that make sense.

Okay, then. I had assumed there was a suspenseful build because of a murderer lurking in the background. Since that doesn't seem to be the case and I haven't read your book, I'm afraid I can't answer your question. I'm sorry; maybe someone else can.

Bufty · Apr 1, 2020

Why not give it a shot by focusing on Karyn and remembering that the sole purpose of a Query Letter is to have the Agent request the manuscript. The key is to focus on one character and cover their predicament and what personal stakes there are for them if they fail to achieve what they seek. Try and avoid wandering, and write with clarity and flow. No need to cover the whole story.

Pop a draft into the Query Letter section of the Share-Your-Work Forum and if you want folk to be gentle, do ask them to be so. You may gain a lot by browsing the Query Letter Forum and seeing how others have also had focus issues as they progress through their own submissions. The stickied threads are worth a browse, too.

Good luck. They call the Forum Query Letter Hell for a reason but nobody there wants to do anything other than help each other. Some stories are easier to cover than others and Query Letter writing can be tough.

Good luck. :Hug2:

Sage · Apr 1, 2020

Alternatively, if the murders become important late in the book, is the book in need of more foreshadowing of that. One thing to keep in mind, as you work on your query, is that sometimes a problem with a query highlights a problem with the book. If you're finding (and maybe you won't) that the stakes aren't compelling enough until you talk about this murderer on the loose, you may have a similar problem in the book. Even if not, consider whether the abduction of Karen (or Psyche, I wasn't sure which "her" was taken) matches the rest of the book. It seems (to an outsider who hasn't read your book) that this murder that was watched and then the abduction comes out of nowhere after a plot of focusing on helping a young girl.

However, if the plot has no build-up to the murderer in the first half, I would not use it in your query, as it will give agents a false idea of what they'll be reading.

Nina Kaytel · Apr 1, 2020

Thanks. Yeah Karyn has other things on her mind than the murderer (she is a psychologist working a case with no information (since this is based off a real case there is only one other to draw from)), so he operates quietly for the majority of the book picking off people in Psyche's team. I am reworking my query after working out the three questions in query letter hell, but it probably won't be ready for two weeks since editing with my disability is a pain.

Cyia · Apr 1, 2020

Nina Kaytel said:
She talks six times throughout the novel, interacts with one characters but not until halfway through. She was raised in isolation with no human contact for thirteen years, so she is by nature one dimensional, she has no speech and thus cannot be a POV (by no speech means no words, she never learned any and by their guess never heard anyone talk), she doesn't interact with people or objects. She is a passive character, but essential to the story, but passive.

Don't underestimate the audience's ability to connect to a character like this. Take Hodor for example. She'll still have emotion and responses. As for the query, you might want to see if you can find a pitch for Nell, a movie with Jodie Foster. She played an adult who'd been alone in the woods since she was a small child, and had stalled in her progression to that point, basically acting as a feral child in an adult body (with some twin trauma on top of it). It might help you frame your own pitch.

quicklime · Apr 10, 2020

Nina Kaytel said:
Alright, so I have been sniffing around the forum and queries. Pertaining to the query I am little unsure of who to focus on. The issue is the story is about the recovery a feral child (wild). Psyche is thirteen years old with no human characteristics. She talks six times throughout the novel, interacts with one characters but not until halfway through. She was raised in isolation with no human contact for thirteen years, so she is by nature one dimensional, she has no speech and thus cannot be a POV (by no speech means no words, she never learned any and by their guess never heard anyone talk), she doesn't interact with people or objects. She is a passive character, but essential to the story, but passive.Karyn, however, is the POV character, she is the one who treats Psyche, despite there being no literature on how to do this, she has to overcome a hostile 1970s attitude about women, her own trauma that aides and hinders her, she has the goals, obstacles, whatnot...As well as not knowing who to focus on, there is another issue. The book is about the treatment of Psyche and Karyn's life during (the novel covers two year. I want to make a series to cover six, but read not to write the others until the first is picked up), but there is also a murderer following the case, picking off he people on the team until Karyn herself is taken -- there is a lot going on so the MC isn't active into looking into the murderer until the end when she gets taken, so how much do I devote the query to that?What I wonder is who the query letter should focus on, the person of who the story is about, but more of an object or the MC who tells the story?Jeepers the two years I spent researching were easier.

you can write the query from the feral girl's POV, she has some inner narrative--without language we may not have a formed vocabulary, and we might not think of say "fire" as "fire," but SOMETHING happens in there....The animals in Call of the Wild, The Fox and The Hound, etc. didn't have formal language-training, but their fears and wants and motivations and observations were still narrated.....maybe check out a few books like that? You could, fwiw, do vastly worse than The Fox and the Hound, and Whitehackle, both by Daniel Mannix.That said, you can also pick another major character and write in her POV. But you MAY want to read a few "animal books" before you make that call, too--whatever you "learned" with regards to the query may well bear relevance to how you wrote the book also, and may change how you'd like to present parts of that as well.

Who do I focus on in my query?

Nina Kaytel

I spell Gray with an 'E''

Sage

Supreme Guessinator

Ari Meermans

MacAllister's Official Minion & Greeter

Nina Kaytel

I spell Gray with an 'E''

Ari Meermans

MacAllister's Official Minion & Greeter

Nina Kaytel

I spell Gray with an 'E''

Ari Meermans

MacAllister's Official Minion & Greeter

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

Sage

Supreme Guessinator

Nina Kaytel

I spell Gray with an 'E''

Cyia

Rewriting My Destiny

quicklime

all out of fucks to give