Quote Originally Posted by Nonicks View Post
Hi!

I have a problem with possessive adjectives. Here's an example of a sentence I'm not happy with:

She felt as if her dream of unraveling her past was slipping between her fingers.

Do you have any tips\tricks or advice that might help me improve my sentences? Is there another way to rephrase sentences without possessive adjectives?

And most importantly - what is your paragraph structure?


Thanks in advance!

I agree with Bufty - this is about craft. One thing to consider in a sentence like this is the consistency of your images.

1) "Her dream" - while this is a fairly common phrasing for "her objective", it's actually a metaphor. By stating "dream" you then associate the rest of the sentence with that image. Can a dream slip between your fingers?

2) "Unravelling" - image number two. We've shifted from the fluffy etherial of dreams to a ball of yarn.

3) "Slipping between her fingers" - image three. Yarn can certainly slip between your fingers, so that's sorta consistent, though is that a particularly strong image to associate with hopes fading away?


This might sound like I'm nitpicking, but unpacking the imagery of your sentences and making sure everything works towards a concrete picture can really help solve the kind of issue you describe.