Second-guessing my victims' situation

hopeful09

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I'm 50K words into my newest book, and I'm starting to wonder about my victims, starting to feel a little guilty about using them. In a nutshell, my MC steals a lot of money from human traffickers and then runs, not knowing whose money it is. They chase her. Cat and mouse. That part has been fun to write. But I have a plotline that deals with the victims--the women being trafficked--and I'm wondering if it's bad to use that concept to fuel my novel. I'm purposely keeping them in the shadows--literally and figuratively. They've been brought into the US, they're being hidden, and they will be rescued before they're victimized further. I have no intention of writing scenes that bring them into the world they were heading for--no prostitution, no sexual abuse, not even any physical abuse beyond the fact that they've been kidnapped, transported, and hidden in a dark room. I visit them once in a while (I have an MC of that plotline through whom I tell that part of the story) to remind the reader they're there and what's at stake... What do you think? Is this too slimy? I'm about ready to chuck it and start something else because of this second-guessing, but I think it's the best of the five books I've written so far, so I kind of hate that idea too. Would love your thoughts. Thanks!
 

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I'm 50K words into my newest book, and I'm starting to wonder about my victims, starting to feel a little guilty about using them. In a nutshell, my MC steals a lot of money from human traffickers and then runs, not knowing whose money it is. They chase her. Cat and mouse. That part has been fun to write. But I have a plotline that deals with the victims--the women being trafficked--and I'm wondering if it's bad to use that concept to fuel my novel. I'm purposely keeping them in the shadows--literally and figuratively. They've been brought into the US, they're being hidden, and they will be rescued before they're victimized further. I have no intention of writing scenes that bring them into the world they were heading for--no prostitution, no sexual abuse, not even any physical abuse beyond the fact that they've been kidnapped, transported, and hidden in a dark room. I visit them once in a while (I have an MC of that plotline through whom I tell that part of the story) to remind the reader they're there and what's at stake... What do you think? Is this too slimy? I'm about ready to chuck it and start something else because of this second-guessing, but I think it's the best of the five books I've written so far, so I kind of hate that idea too. Would love your thoughts. Thanks!

I'd say think about what purpose the victims' POV serves. Does it only serve to demonstrate the evil of the bad guys - in which case, the victims are nothing more than passive vessels for suffering - or do these victim characters have a role beyond that? If not, I'd express caution.
 

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Is it possible that one or more of the trafficked women would take a chance, in the confusion, to escape? Or get revenge? At least to make an attempt, while the traffickers are distracted by the loss of their money.
They've presumably had a long time to consider what they would do, if only they had a chance.
 

hopeful09

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I'd say think about what purpose the victims' POV serves. Does it only serve to demonstrate the evil of the bad guys - in which case, the victims are nothing more than passive vessels for suffering - or do these victim characters have a role beyond that? If not, I'd express caution.

Yes, this is the problem, and it's where the slimy feeling is coming from. They really are there to demonstrate how bad the bad guys are. I wanted the bad guys to be guilty of something happening in the world today that wasn't drugs. I'm starting to wonder if I could just make them drug guys because the story really is about the cat-and-mouse situation. (My MC is traveling/running with her cats in tow, and I love her a lot and hate to give up on her/this story completely). I appreciate your input. Thank you. (If you wouldn't mind giving your input on my idea of making them drug dealers, I'd appreciate that too.) Have a great weekend. :)
 

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Is it possible that one or more of the trafficked women would take a chance, in the confusion, to escape? Or get revenge? At least to make an attempt, while the traffickers are distracted by the loss of their money.
They've presumably had a long time to consider what they would do, if only they had a chance.

I have considered this, and at one point my victim MC (through whose POV I share the victims' story) did try to convince the others to go along with a plan to break out of the room they're being held in. No one would do it. I could change that. I could have someone go along with her and they could try. I'm not sure I see the effort being successful though. Does that make this situation better, if they try to escape, even if they fail? (And I could see one or two of them dying in the effort too...)

In another reply I posed the idea of just making the bad guys drug dealers (which I wanted to avoid, hence the trafficking angle) because the story really is the cat-and-mouse situation. Any further input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much for your response! Have a great weekend. :)
 

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It sounds like you're really enjoying the piece, so my suggestion is to go to the share your work section, and look for a beta reader. There's really no way to give you proper feedback on this without being able to read your draft. A work about a slimy world can help victims sometimes, by showing who they really are and putting a light on what goes on in dark places, but it can also hurt them other times, especially if they are displayed as a thing to be saved and not humanized. Or when the graphic details of the slime stimulates the wrong peoples.
 

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I recently read Mark Billingham's Buried (ex-copper's son is kidnapped) and that did a similar thing slipping into victims and kidnapper's POV and my main feeling was that it had the effect of letting the air out of the tyres of the suspense (i.e. is victim still alive? What is happening to the victim?) It wasn't helped that the kidnapper's character was too much of a nice guy either.

My other problem was that I thought it was a bit of a cheap trick by an author who was running out of gas in a sagging middle. So you need to ask yourself, is this aiding the story or are you suffering the Act II blues?
 

gothicangel

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Also I would add, that I tried doing a similar thing with the book I am completely overhauling at the moment (I started writing it 20 years ago). Basically my thoughts are, its a really difficult thing to maintain 'confined' characters over a long period of time without getting repetitive. This time around, I don't slip out of the MC's POV (third person) which gives me greater scope to drive him mad thinking 'what if this is happening?'
 

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Whenever I start feeling uneasy or unsure about something I'm writing, I pay attention. I won't do my best work if I'm uncertain it will hold up and I'd rather be enthusiastic (or at least comfortable) as I plug along.

Just be certain you do your research whatever direction you take.
 

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Looking at it from the trafficker's side of things, you have to realize that if they're not out earning money in whatever the traffickers are going to use them for, those girls are costing them money, because they're taking up space and they have to be fed and so forth. The traffickers aren't going to just leave them there while they're chasing their money.

If it's labor trafficking, they'll be moved to and from the place they're working. If it's sex trafficking, it depends. Is this a gang running their own prostitution ring? Or are they more of a procurement kind of group that's grabbing and holding them for someone else? If it's the former, they're still going to be working the girls.
 

gothicangel

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I have had a second read of the initial post, and my gut instinct is to stay with the MC's POV (that way you can have fun with playing 'what if.') I would find some other way of 'checking in' on the trafficking victims. Is it possible to use flashbacks by your MC having witnessed what these women have been through?
 

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It sounds like you're really enjoying the piece, so my suggestion is to go to the share your work section, and look for a beta reader. There's really no way to give you proper feedback on this without being able to read your draft. A work about a slimy world can help victims sometimes, by showing who they really are and putting a light on what goes on in dark places, but it can also hurt them other times, especially if they are displayed as a thing to be saved and not humanized. Or when the graphic details of the slime stimulates the wrong peoples.

I've thought about doing this. Thanks for the suggestion!
 

hopeful09

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I recently read Mark Billingham's Buried (ex-copper's son is kidnapped) and that did a similar thing slipping into victims and kidnapper's POV and my main feeling was that it had the effect of letting the air out of the tyres of the suspense (i.e. is victim still alive? What is happening to the victim?) It wasn't helped that the kidnapper's character was too much of a nice guy either.

My other problem was that I thought it was a bit of a cheap trick by an author who was running out of gas in a sagging middle. So you need to ask yourself, is this aiding the story or are you suffering the Act II blues?

Also I would add, that I tried doing a similar thing with the book I am completely overhauling at the moment (I started writing it 20 years ago). Basically my thoughts are, its a really difficult thing to maintain 'confined' characters over a long period of time without getting repetitive. This time around, I don't slip out of the MC's POV (third person) which gives me greater scope to drive him mad thinking 'what if this is happening?'

I have had a second read of the initial post, and my gut instinct is to stay with the MC's POV (that way you can have fun with playing 'what if.') I would find some other way of 'checking in' on the trafficking victims. Is it possible to use flashbacks by your MC having witnessed what these women have been through?

I love all of this. Thank you. I think what you're saying about the suspense is really valuable feedback. I hadn't thought about that. If I didn't check in, then that question of "what if this is happening?" remains alive. The way I've written it, if I didn't include the victim's POV, what the bad guys are doing is left a little murky, purposely vague. "Are they drug dealers, or is it something worse?" I have one main bad guy and he has a couple helpers. One of those helpers is struggling with his conscience about what they're doing and my plan is for him to turn against the main guy at some point. The other helper has been arrested and is thinking about making a deal (he's not very forward-thinking). It's possible I could use one of these guys to "check in" with the victims (via flashbacks or just via their own questions/concerns).

As much as I love all of this, I'm still wondering about using the trafficking angle.

Thanks again. I do appreciate it.

- - - Updated - - -

Whenever I start feeling uneasy or unsure about something I'm writing, I pay attention. I won't do my best work if I'm uncertain it will hold up and I'd rather be enthusiastic (or at least comfortable) as I plug along.

Just be certain you do your research whatever direction you take.

Completely agree. Thank you!
 

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Looking at it from the trafficker's side of things, you have to realize that if they're not out earning money in whatever the traffickers are going to use them for, those girls are costing them money, because they're taking up space and they have to be fed and so forth. The traffickers aren't going to just leave them there while they're chasing their money.

If it's labor trafficking, they'll be moved to and from the place they're working. If it's sex trafficking, it depends. Is this a gang running their own prostitution ring? Or are they more of a procurement kind of group that's grabbing and holding them for someone else? If it's the former, they're still going to be working the girls.

I've constructed the plot with a 48-hour window. My bad guys are the procurement guys. They believe they can get the money back in those 48 hours so they're just hiding/holding the girls till then, stalling the actual purchasers. It's going badly for everyone!
 

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For what it's worth, I found the non-fictional between-chapter snippets in Girl with the Dragon Tattoo to work wonders on getting me onboard with the trafficking story as fiction.

The snippets hang a lantern on the issue--as a serious issue. Maybe read that book and see if you can dissect out some of the tricks the author used to make the subject matter acceptable.

I don't think the movies included the snippets.
 

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Yes, this is the problem, and it's where the slimy feeling is coming from. They really are there to demonstrate how bad the bad guys are. I wanted the bad guys to be guilty of something happening in the world today that wasn't drugs. I'm starting to wonder if I could just make them drug guys because the story really is about the cat-and-mouse situation. (My MC is traveling/running with her cats in tow, and I love her a lot and hate to give up on her/this story completely). I appreciate your input. Thank you. (If you wouldn't mind giving your input on my idea of making them drug dealers, I'd appreciate that too.) Have a great weekend. :)

If you can switch human trafficking for drug trafficking without it really affecting the plot, it sounds to me like it really isn't enough about the human trafficking angle to justify a victim's POV (and as Sarahrizz notes, there is a risk of a weak portrayal of these victims causing further hurt). Given the focus is really on "hero on the run", I'd say drugs is a better angle. That's without having read your work, obviously.


Whenever I start feeling uneasy or unsure about something I'm writing, I pay attention.


This, definitely. That whole thing about not listening to the inner critic? That's about not second guessing your ability as a writer; it's one of those trite bits of shorthand that gets taken too seriously. You absolutely *should* listen to your gut - trust your instincts. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.
 

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For what it's worth, I found the non-fictional between-chapter snippets in Girl with the Dragon Tattoo to work wonders on getting me onboard with the trafficking story as fiction.

The snippets hang a lantern on the issue--as a serious issue. Maybe read that book and see if you can dissect out some of the tricks the author used to make the subject matter acceptable.

I don't think the movies included the snippets.

I'll check this out. Thanks! (I tried reading this one years ago but struggled to stay with it. I'll give it another go.)
 

hopeful09

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If you can switch human trafficking for drug trafficking without it really affecting the plot, it sounds to me like it really isn't enough about the human trafficking angle to justify a victim's POV (and as Sarahrizz notes, there is a risk of a weak portrayal of these victims causing further hurt). Given the focus is really on "hero on the run", I'd say drugs is a better angle. That's without having read your work, obviously.

That whole thing about not listening to the inner critic? That's about not second guessing your ability as a writer; it's one of those trite bits of shorthand that gets taken too seriously. You absolutely *should* listen to your gut - trust your instincts. If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

Thank you again. I think I'm going to switch it to drugs. I don't want to "make use" of victims. Ugh. That just feels so wrong and slimy. And switching it allows me to finish out my MC's story. I really do love her!
 
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hopeful09

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Thanks to everyone who offered feedback. I'm so glad I posted this question. I'm going to change the human trafficking angle to drug trafficking, and I feel better about it doing that. I get to stay with my MC, which makes me happy, and I won't feel slimy telling this story.

I'm truly grateful. Have a great night!
 

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Late to the party. But very interesting posts. In my novel, there is one character who went through a dark phase in her life. She was a prostitute for a short time, and i thought in order for the reader to 'feel' that, understand that, I did have to write the gory, unglamorous details. Much like a death scene. I don't enjoy writing those facts. But I feel like I must, in order for the reader to be right there in the scene. And to better understand the characters, not necessarily connect with them, but to experience them. I guess it's like any other job, there are parts of it that are not fun, but necessary.