hey guys, i had a question. for my new book: Death Donor: scientists invent cure to aging but there's a catch, it takes a life to give one... i have gotten the feedback that the inciting incident is a little too late in the book (~10% or page 35). i pasted the synopsis below

i had a beta reader suggest opening with a bang, and for instance having a quick snippet of Damon (or unknown character) planting the bomb that kills Senator Jordan to set the stage for motivations/Boondock Saints-esque nature of the story early on and keep readers/agents hooked until the inciting incident (when bodyguard Damon's daughter is kidnapped/sold for organs ). i bolded/underlined the the scene/cut-in i could place at beginning of novel


not sure if you have experience with that or reactions etc...

thanks and have a great day/weekend,


Death Donor Synopsis

It is 2055, and scientists have perfected life extension (LE). The only catch: it takes a life to give one, and only the rich can afford the expensive procedure, the gulf widening as automation eats away jobs and the poor slip into slum-like despair and increasing homelessness.

DAMON JONES, a war vet and bodyguard for ETHAN ANDERSON, the billionaire owner of Defying Death Industries (DDI)—a leading LE pioneer whose company is in a battle with Chinese competitor Shanghai Life Industries (SLI)—and things are running smoothly, if a splintered society of haves and have-nots with twenty-five percent unemployment is smooth until Damon’s daughter is kidnapped and sold to a black market LE clinic by a desperate junkie. Damon’s life falls apart and his depressed wife donates/sells her life to DDI—for $27,000—to escape the pain, leaving Damon alone and hopeless.

Meanwhile, SENATOR MICHAEL SCHMIDT is confronted by corporate lobbyists and political aspirations as SENATOR WARREN pushes for segregating cities, something Mike detests even as learns his ex-wife, AVA, has untreatable cancer. He is nearly killed in an anti-LE protest in an effort to stave off MAYOR RODRIGUEZ’s push for his senate seat, and begins to question the LE industry, earning him formidable foes.

After hitting rock bottom and realizing the perps will never be punished, Damon decides to take matters/revenge into his own hands. He discovers the clinic that killed his daughter—HSU—only to find it is ultra-secure. He enlists the help of an old friend to hack the database and gets the names of several lofty clients. Damon begins hunting down and killing the “offenders,” starting with a media mogul at Ethan’s party.

While scoping a backup headquarters for sourcing Anglo-Saxon donors in Cape Town, Ethan is ambushed by SLI assassins but manages to escape with Damon’s help as tensions between SLI and DDI boil.
Conditions intensify as Damon—the serial killer dubbed by the media, “The Taxman”—strikes again and again and Mike pushes for regulations or bans surrounding LE. Mike meets with SENATOR JORDAN—one of HSU’s clients—in NYC in a possible VP bid and barely escapes as one of Damon’s bombs kills Jordan.

Worried about the fate of his company and mission—and the health of his aging mother—Ethan orders to his team to take care of Schmidt, which is confused as authorizing a hit.
Damon overhears and is able to save the senator, but his identity is compromised when he murders Warren—another of HSU’s clients—and the senator’s integrity questioned. Damon shares further dirt on DDI, leading Mike to push for a full LE ban and Mike tells Damon about VERONICA, owner of HSU who Damon struggles to track down.

As more senators join on board and protests mount, Ethan blackmails Mike with falsified health risks for Mike’s daughter and promises to treat her if he backs down on his proposed bill.

As Mike and Damon build a case against DDI and public outcry mounts, a DDI whistleblower, HENRIK—contacts Mike about corruption and bribery inside the company. Ethan’s IT registers the breach and send a hit team to deal with the traitor.
Mike, Damon and Henrik escape and arrange a meet. Ethan plans an ambush but Damon betrays him, taping the whole thing and arresting Ethan. Ethan connections get him off scot-free and is placed on house arrest while Mike’s elected president thanks to his anti-LE ban.

Sun Lee and SLI capitalize on DDI’s issues to acquire and neuter the company,Lee now Ethan’s boss as operations are shifted overseas and to black markets.

Ethan meets Veronica, looking to join HSU and Damon tails them, killing Veronica and sending Ethan running to Thailand. Ethan setups a new business there, quickly scaling his illicit empire but Damon finds him. Kidnapping Ethan, Damon is jumped by Ethan’s guards before Sun Lee and SLI fighters kill Ethan’s men and Damon executes his former boss.

At the end, President's daughter suffers traumatic brain injury and he must decide whether his daughter is worth sacrificing his morals for an undergoing an illegal LE procedure... Let's not spoil it here


Death Donor


Matt Ward

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