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Is the usage of the word applicable?
- Thread starter skylessbird2218
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Out of context, I think it's fine - but I am FAR from being an expert. I believe that word choice should reflect mood of the scene and either the narrator's or the POV character's voice.
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Technically, it's not wrong and as indianroads said, may be perfect in context. The "in a matter of minutes" doesn't sit well with me though. It's too hackneyed. Surely there's some better way to say that.
Yeah, someone has been arguing with me about how chilled means an object getting chilled by something so it can't be used like that. They are also saying the sentence "everyone around her reduced to ashes" doesn't make sense since reduced is a transitive verb and they are not doing the reducing, but someone is turning them into ashes, so it should be "everyone around her had been reduced to ashes" instead.
Other than that sentence being passive, if the pov character only sees them reduced to ashes but not the perpetrator who reduced them, then I think just reduced to ashes is good enough.
It's not a piece I wrote btw, but someone else who wanted my advice.
Other than that sentence being passive, if the pov character only sees them reduced to ashes but not the perpetrator who reduced them, then I think just reduced to ashes is good enough.
It's not a piece I wrote btw, but someone else who wanted my advice.
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I disagree with you. It doesn't matter whether the pov character sees the perpetrator or not, only whether the "everyone around her" have reduced themselves to ashes or been reduced by some other party. If they were not themselves active agents in the carbonizing (which is highly unlikely, though not impossible), the correct constructions has to be the passive one: that they "had been reduced to ashes."
Or else, if one prefers to avoid passive forms when they're not necessary, rephrase the passage entirely so the problem disappears.
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We're creative writers! It's our job to evolve the language. "Chilled" or "reduced" is ours to use as we see fit, regardless of the so-called rules. I fully understand the meaning of both words in their example usage. For me, it works. And that's the ultimate value.
"The room cooled in a matter of minutes" sounds more correct to me, but might not be.
I'm fine with passive voice in cases where it doesn't matter who is doing the action. If the window was left open, and the room getting colder is what the characters feel and causes them to react, go with it.
I'm fine with passive voice in cases where it doesn't matter who is doing the action. If the window was left open, and the room getting colder is what the characters feel and causes them to react, go with it.
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I think of the verb "to chill" as something you to to a substance, like beer or food. But I could understand your need to find a stronger word than simply "cooled" if you are trying to establish that the room temperature got a lot colder in a short time.
Is this a literal or metaphoric cooling down you're talking about?
Is this a literal or metaphoric cooling down you're talking about?
Should be metaphoric. I had suggested 'sapped', but the writer didn't like the sound of the word. It should be related to the "reduced to ashes". I don't know because the person only asked about these sentences and I haven't read their story. I am an amateur myself, and though I'm trying my hand at omniscient now, I mostly write an extremely close limited viewpoint, so I gave suggestion according to what felt right to me.
If - for whatever reason - she wants the room to get colder quickly and she's using a special kind of 'chiller' to achieve that, I can see nothing wrong with the sentence.
Context often solves such questions with isolated examples.
Context often solves such questions with isolated examples.
I don't think you're wrong, but I hate seeing inanimate things doing animate activities unless the story is supposed to be unsettling or the room is actually doing something. For instance, if the room sank into the ground, it would work for me. I tend to like to say what actually did the action.
For instance, "After I opened the window, the winter gust chilled the room." or "the air conditioner cooled the room off in no time."
But yeah, if you want to stick to yours, it's not grammatically incorrect.
For instance, "After I opened the window, the winter gust chilled the room." or "the air conditioner cooled the room off in no time."
But yeah, if you want to stick to yours, it's not grammatically incorrect.
I'll repeat what others are asking.
"Chilled" is metaphoric? You're not describing what a thermometer says, but how the room "feels" to someone in it? If so, I think metaphor serves you better.
"She felt her friends pulling back as she spoke, retreating behind tight-lipped, fish-eyed disapproval. The room had become a wintry and lonely place."
You could also try showing instead of telling. Her breath formed clouds, or she shivered... something like that.
ETA: I'm confused - are you talking about temperature, or mood?
With mood, someone could turn away dismissively, or glare... something like that.
ETA: I'm confused - are you talking about temperature, or mood?
With mood, someone could turn away dismissively, or glare... something like that.
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