Check my wording?

Kat M

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Trying to describe a large, diverse crowd of people—"It was a full-on square dance, or some such, people whirling, every gender imaginable in fluttering skirts." Concerned I sound like a heteronormative dope. If I do, I want to fix it ASAP.

Your help is, of course, much appreciated!
 

Paul Lamb

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I don't read "every gender imaginable" as heteronormative dope at all. Most would think there are only two genders, so your wording already challenges that. At least as I read it.

I might put "in fluttering skirts" after "whirling" just to make it read more smoothly/clearly, but beyond that, I think it's okay. (P.S. I don't mind learning I'm wrong.)
 

BenPanced

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Yeah, the way it's currently worded, everybody present is in "fluttering skirts". Unless everybody at the dance is wearing a skirt, I'd change the order or completely drop the reference.
 

frimble3

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I think that's my hang-up, too. Everybody in a skirt. If the society wears robes, like Greeks or Romans, I go with 'everybody whirling in their robes, long or short.' Even in traditional Scottish dancing, where the men wear kilts, I believe the women don't, and wear longer dresses.
"It was a full-on square dance, or some such, people whirling, every gender imaginable in fluttering skirts."

Is it meant to be an actual square-dance, with stereotypical
overtones of cowboy hats, boots and hooting-and-hollering? It's kind of specific, which may or may not be what you want. Perhaps 'country-dance' or 'round-dance' would give the vagueness you want?

I think if this was part way through your story, you have other chances to introduce clothing styles, while if it's one of the first lines, you might want a little more description.
 

JohnLine

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I've been to a lot of gender inclusive night clubs, mostly Bar Sinister, and Miss Kitty's (back in the day). If I was going to describe one of those places I might say, "It was a full-on rave, or some such, people whirling, every gender imaginable in fluttering skirts and tight plastic pants."
 

Kat M

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Thank you, everyone! This is super helpful.

So the line that kept tripping me up was "every gender imaginable," but that doesn't seem to be bothering people? Am I correct there?

I didn't even realize the skirt implications! I'll be reconstructing the sentence.

The context is actually a contra dance (a folk dance from New England that bears a lot of structural resemblance to a square dance). The POV character has never been to one, so she's at a loss to connect it to her experience. Contra dances in the Pacific Northwest (where the story is set) are very colorful affairs with many people wearing flowing dresses and skirts no matter their gender identity or everyday preferred gender expression. Kilts are also popular garments, because they have the same twirl factor. I might steal JohnLine's idea and substitute "kilts" for "tight plastic pants."
 

shadowsminder

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Technically, "every gender imaginable" is confusing gender expression for gender identity, and even the expression might have been misinterpreted. I've been to a party where everyone was expected to wear a dress, and half the participants were men. Their gender didn't change. A man in a dress is still a man.

What you're describing is a social dance involving a variety of people, some wearing skirts, not as gender expression but for the fun of swirling fabric. There could be 30 genders represented there, but the character isn't going to be able to guess how the dancers identify. For all she can see, a crowd of people, who might all be men and women dressed differently than she'd expected. Do I understand the scene correctly?

If so, the descriptions could be stronger if you cut the assumption about gender in that line and just showed what the dancers look, sound, and maybe smell like.
 

Kat M

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That's a good point. Being familiar with the circuit I know a variety of gender identities are represented; my MC is not going to know this coming in. Thank you!
 

frimble3

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That's a good point. Being familiar with the circuit I know a variety of gender identities are represented; my MC is not going to know this coming in. Thank you!
That's what was bugging me, I think, about 'whirling skirts' and 'every gender imaginable': how would your MC know the genders from the skirts, especially if everybody is wearing them? But, I live a pretty quiet life, and I wasn't even sure of the time/place.
I think either the kilts or tight plastic pants suggests the sheer variety of clothing options.