The Insanity Advantage

Drew Snider

One Iota of Aesthetic Distance
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Hello!

My name is Drew, and I am glad to be a junior member of this community. Today, I spent time working on a digital design project and surfing the web, tumbling down a YouTube rabbit hole filled with all manner of octupi, crustaceans, and whales. The rabbit hole is my key to survival, and I want to share why... with you.

Deep sea diving is a longstanding fantasy of mine. There was a time, after the military and oodles of education, when I looked around my humble business in Silicon Valley and thought, "I just landed a contract with Google. I should drive to Monterey and find someone to take me submarine diving. How cool would that be?"

And then I lost my mind.

It happened more suddenly than I could have imagined, but then again my imagination is part of the problem. Suffice it to say, today is a good day. I'm on the way out of an episode, which means equal parts video watching and writing, writing, writing. Next year, I'll be staying at a facility for three months, to see if electro-convulsive therapy will help me.

I'm lucky to have a passion for this craft. If I keep it up, my meager talent might develop into a viable profession. The reality of my situation calls for an outlining approach. My brain holds information like a sponge, to the point where getting lost in thought puts me in danger of real, frightening psychosis. Writing helps me stay on track, form a dialogue with myself, feel a sense of accomplishment, and operate on a set of tangible, grammatical rules (making, dare I say, stylistic choices that rival my old professional life).

Going insane has been humbling beyond belief. It put my career and family in perspective. Health means something completely different to me now, and the idea of "being healthy" has nothing to do with abs and biceps, avoiding a dad-bod, or the number of miles I ran last week. Learning that another round is coming on means battening down the hatches like a hurricane in monsoon season; floods coming; hold, roof, hold; floods are coming. It means planning, staying on task, writing and working when words sweat out with my feverish thoughts and all I want is the story to never end but still make sense. Writer's block has nothing on these trances.

That's how I write through it, and it works for me. If everything goes according to plan, this next project will be ready for review next March, while I putter around a hospital. These are my goals now, and come hell or high water, I'm going to hit them, because (call me Crazy) I believe in this story, my last story, and the stories yet to come. Thank god I lost my mind, because if I never did, I would not have discovered the overwhelming passion and escape of my imagination.

Hopefully my time on this forum can be productive and add to the discussion, help other people, and surface long enough to high five a few of you on your way to success. If you read this, you have my thanks. This crazy man has something to say to you, specifically: Don't be discouraged by people who confuse creativity with negativity. Negativity is not wit, it is the shield of the insecure and a sickle for low-hanging fruit. Creativity does not have to explain itself. Creativity does not need competition. If it takes your entire lifetime to finish your work, we will forever be richer. Keep that keyboard clacking, friend.

Take care of yourselves out there!
Drew
 

Snitchcat

Dragon-kitty.
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Hey, Drew.

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad you are getting through this and working on what works for you. Good luck, and all the best!
 

FutureFindUs

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Sounds exhausting :p I myself got the writing bug during intercranial hypertension induced insomnia. After months of little to no sleep I was hallucinating weird stuff. One reoccurring theme of future humanity looking back through time to resurect everyone into an afterlife made the biggest impact.
 

travelinglight

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Thanks for sharing. Hope therapy provides some relief for you. Keep writing.