Second Opinion for Dialog in WIP.

Firstly, hello.

I debated here or SYW, and decided here would be best since I'd like to work with a consistent someone (or someones).

Title says it all, project is not nearly complete. I had to stop because the colloquial speech of the first act is inconsistent with the progress of the second. I'd overhaul it all myself, but... I need a 'sense-check'. There's a specific ratio of nonsense-to-understanding that I need to achieve and maintain.

Ideally, 60:40 - 60% do not care, do not get, frustrationbait; 40% yeah, ok, I get these words.



Now, this WIP - is NOT for sensitive people, or ones who prefer being PC. It takes place in itsown sci-fantasy universe, and it strictly sticks to it. It is entirely possible to come into this with present day PC/real world flavor, and end up triggered. If you'd like more details on that, please PM me.

If it turns out you're pretty alright with my literary shenanigans and want to be on board with the development of this project, I would especially appreciate a chapter exchange with some motivational banter.

But, for the duration of our interactions, I'm offering feedback on a WIP of yours, so long as it's of the same primary genres (SF/F), and presentable/up to snuff.

I am NOT beta reading.

Thank you!

~ Shiro

Patty said:

Are there examples of your work posted somewhere? I'm kinda puzzled what you are seeking...? Almost sounds like you're asking a general question about colloquial dialog and consistency.

If you;re looking for a critique partner, it's sort of customary to provide a blurb and maybe a writing sample.

Click to expand...

I don't have a question on that subject. I'm looking for a 'test subject' to see how effective it is, and the effects the dialog has on someone who isn't familiar with it. Basically, "Hi! How broken is this English, in your opinion?"

As for blurb and sample... I haven't made a solid blurb for it yet. Primarily due to it being in draft-phases. The premise is:

Dictator enlists son to regain a favorable political standing amid State Government figureheads and key families of White Nationalist Swamp Nation. Son cheats throne from his dad, and in the process gets caught up in the superstitions, rituals, and demands of the Swamp-Born, White Natives. In the end, delusional Son saves his family at great cost to himself. Though his reign is short-lived, he restores dignity to the Natives, and authenticity to the nation.

Writing samples will be provided in PM - sample dialog in question from beginning of WIP, and a sample of where it's currently ended up.

Thank you.