Bisexual & Pansexual Common Room

evbell

Registered
Joined
Sep 23, 2019
Messages
9
Reaction score
2
Location
Prague, CZ
Happy Belated Bisexuality Visibility Day! i see you lovelies, just a day late! Pan people, I see you too <3 I fall somewhere between the two labels myself, but only came out a year ago (at age 29!) and am still figuring it out. Definitely not straight though... that I have confirmed. It's been like a whole second adolescence... I fell in love, shaved off all my hair, got my heart broken, and got a tattoo. What a wild time!

*lounges in squishy armchair by our cozy common room fireplace*

Anyone else come out "later" than most their queer peers? Also anyone wants to share embarrassing stories of acting a fool after coming out, I'll be glad to hear I'm not alone!

*pins bi badges on anyone who enters this chat*
 

neandermagnon

Nolite timere, consilium callidum habeo!
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 25, 2014
Messages
7,271
Reaction score
9,335
Location
Dorset, UK
Hi. :hi:

Regards coming out... I don't find that it's a one time event because I tell people, they forget, people assume I'm straight because I have kids etc etc. I don't have a partner and haven't for years but there's also the thing of everyone defaulting you to whichever sexuality goes with your current relationship then getting next level confused if you split up with them and end up with someone of a different gender. So yeah, visibility lol.
 

UrbanAmazon

It must be Thursday.
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Sep 24, 2011
Messages
146
Reaction score
14
Location
Canada
Heyo! I didn't really have any memorable coming-out 'event', per se. There were moments of 'oh, hey, I relate to that I guess' in my early 20s, moments of 'well I like him, but wow this feeling for her, too', followed by 'I seriously do not have the time for attraction to anyone, I've got a degree to finish' in my mid-20s and 'I guess I really was in love with my best friend this whole time'... then BAM. Married. I guess the closest I've come to that kind of moment was telling my immediate family that I'd gone from best-friend to girlfriend, and all of no one was surprised.

That said, I am pretty sure it's assumed I'm a lesbian unless I'm wearing pins/badges - similar to what neandermagnon said about everyone defaulting.

I don't really have embarrassing coming-out stories... but my wife and I kinda shrugged and proposed to each other via AOL Instant Messenger, so I don't think I have a lot of dignity to stand on there.
 

evbell

Registered
Joined
Sep 23, 2019
Messages
9
Reaction score
2
Location
Prague, CZ
Regards coming out... I don't find that it's a one time event

Heyo! I didn't really have any memorable coming-out 'event', per se.

yeah... when i said "after coming out" i kind of meant, after coming out to Yourself. to me, that was the big 'event'. telling other people was just.. like filing the paperwork. I get it though, coming out means different things to different people. and never really ends (like paperwork). though i've discovered i prefer "looking queer" because then people make better assumptions about me... not always correct, but i'd rather them assume i'm an All The Way Gay, than assume I'm straight

I don't have a partner and haven't for years but there's also the thing of everyone defaulting you to whichever sexuality goes with your current relationship then getting next level confused if you split up with them and end up with someone of a different gender. So yeah, visibility lol.

being single atm but am not dating men, people keep asking me, "so does that mean you're a lesbian now?" ....no it does not! i guess at least they ask?

I don't really have embarrassing coming-out stories... but my wife and I kinda shrugged and proposed to each other via AOL Instant Messenger, so I don't think I have a lot of dignity to stand on there.

AOL IM proposal is pretty cute and also ages you both ;) love it though!
 

neandermagnon

Nolite timere, consilium callidum habeo!
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Oct 25, 2014
Messages
7,271
Reaction score
9,335
Location
Dorset, UK
Interesting question about when you realise it for yourself. For me there's no single point in time it was a gradual realisation. There was so much heteronormative bullshit around. Like teenage magazines that would say if you had a crush on a girl it was "just a phase" or "just your hormones going a bit crazy because of adolescence" and "confusing admiration for someone with attraction" and other BS but the slightest inkling of a crush on a boy was "love and romance" - that sort of thing. Plus invisibility of bi people leads to thinking "I can't be gay though, can I? I'm in love with (add male celebrity here) - how can I be gay if he's so sexy?"

Anyway I figured it out in the end. But it took a while because of all the BS.
 

PointlessAlibi

Super Member
Registered
Joined
Dec 5, 2017
Messages
79
Reaction score
0
Back when I was about 15 years old, I was still in school and wanted to come out to my friends. However, due to the way bullying was un-noticed back then, I didn't feel I was confident to "come out as Gay then. However I wrote my mother a letter to come out as gay at 15. (My dad was homophobic too so I didn't come out to him until I got him to understand the term gay and made sure he understood properly before coming out to him)

Anyway, almost 20 years later, I have seen myself in a different way and now place myself in the Bi-sexual category (Though I don't believe in lables or categories as it just singles each other out. We are all human and love who we want. To us, it's natural to love who we want regardless of whether they're male, female, or they. It's the way the big man above has made us. (I don't believe in the higher power called god by the way)

But to the OP. Welcome to the community! Hope it's what you had expected and hope to see more of these posts here!
 

edutton

Ni. Peng. Neee-Wom.
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Nov 3, 2015
Messages
2,771
Reaction score
667
Location
North Carolina, unfortunately
My timeline is probably longer than most... I figured it out for myself in college, in the mid-80s, but only started coming out publicly in the last year or so (I'm 53)
 

CatherineDunn

Registered
Joined
Mar 26, 2018
Messages
46
Reaction score
13
Location
Leicestershire, UK
Hi, I don't even know if I'm bi or pan, I just don't really care what hormones, chromosomes or genitals someone has as long as they're awesome. :)
 

dickson

Hairy on the inside
Super Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 12, 2017
Messages
3,398
Reaction score
4,080
Location
Directly over the center of the Earth
I came out at age 55; to family and friends at age 60. Took me forever to admit it to myself. I knew I was attracted to my own sex not long after puberty, but resisted drawing the inevitable conclusion for 'way too long.