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Thread: One person addressing two people separately, new paragraph or not?

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  1. #14
    figuring it all out
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Posts
    56
    Quote Originally Posted by MaeZe View Post
    "Siri, turn the lights down," I commanded. Turning to Missy, I asked, "Is that better?"
    I think this is correct, because it tells the sequence at a more digestible pace, whereas the other write moves across the sequence at a sprinters pace. I think it should be slowed down ever further. Maybe:

    "Siri, turn the lights down," The bulbs dimmed as I turned to Missy who sat on the lounge chair. "Is that better?" I asked
    And even still I think it can still be slowed down further, I think it's a matter of increasing the word count in the sequence to better serve the complexities.
    Last edited by bugbite; 09-14-2019 at 12:05 PM.

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