Dialogue: too little, too late?

STING

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In my MS (96,000 words – an episodic novel of connected stories), I have plenty of dialogue from story-three onwards. But the first two chapters (stories in my case) have only short bursts of dialogue.

In story-one (2,100 words), the first dialogue (420 words) happens after 450 words of narration. Is this too late? It’s followed by only two short bursts of dialogue of 140 and 50 words.

Story-two (2,300 words) seems worse. First dialogue of only 100 words appears after 620 words of narration, followed by just one more short bit of dialogue of 200 words. Any attempt to increase or advance the dialogue is looking contrived, unless I do a total revamp of this story. (The only consolation is that story-two has MC watching TV which shows anchor reading news that provides a twist.)

I am aware there is no precise formula to fix proportions of dialogue/action/narration etc, but do I have too little of dialogue in the opening chapters/stories? Is this something an agent/publisher would generally frown on? Would appreciate comments.
 

neandermagnon

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What's the reason for the lack of dialogue? If the situation means there won't be any dialogue then that's okay. For example The Martian by Andy Weir doesn't have any dialogue until chapter 6 because the main character's stranded alone on Mars with no way to communicate with Earth. Chapter 6 involves NASA staff doing stuff on Earth while the MC's still alone on Mars (and NASA and everyone else thinks he's dead) hence it having dialogue. The chapters from the MC's point of view are in the form of a written log so you don't really notice the lack of dialogue because in a sense it's the main character talking (writing) to himself. He's got a lively voice.

I actually never really noticed the lack of dialogue in The Martian until I read this thread and tried to think of a book that didn't have much dialogue. Basically if it's done well enough no-one will notice.
 

BethS

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If it's not needed, it's not needed. The frequency of dialogue is context-dependent.
 
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STING

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What's the reason for the lack of dialogue?
Thanks for the reply and the example you cited. It's only in the first two chapters (2,100 and 2,300 words) that I see what I fear is paucity of dialogue. The reason is that in about half of each chapter the character (protagonist in the first and antagonist in the second), is either alone or addressing meetings or reading newspapers or watching TV and is internally reacting to these things. The other two halves are action without talk.

If it's not needed, it's not needed. The frequencey of dialogue is context-dependent.
Thanks for the comforting comment. What has been worrying, however, is what's usually said not only about the importance of the first dialogue in a book but also about balancing dialogue with action, description etc. In this mad, competitive and overcrowded world of publishing, where the harried and hurried editors/agents apparently look for reasons to reject an MS, one tends to be more than a bit squeamish about any potential risk.
 

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Thanks for the comforting comment. What has been worrying, however, is what's usually said not only about the importance of the first dialogue in a book but also about balancing dialogue with action, description etc. In this mad, competitive and overcrowded world of publishing, where the harried and hurried editors/agents apparently look for reasons to reject an MS, one tends to be more than a bit squeamish about any potential risk.

Like any other reader, an agent wants to be engaged. Dialogue can do that. So can observation or action. Something needs to happen, but it doesn't need to be people talking to each other.

In my experience, an agent is far more likely to be looking for a reason to keep reading than searching for a reason to reject. They're all reading queries hoping to find books they love.
 

BethS

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What has been worrying, however, is what's usually said not only about the importance of the first dialogue in a book but also about balancing dialogue with action, description etc. In this mad, competitive and overcrowded world of publishing, where the harried and hurried editors/agents apparently look for reasons to reject an MS, one tends to be more than a bit squeamish about any potential risk.

What matters--to agents, publishers, and readers--is whether your opening chapters (and the whole book, for that matter) are compelling or intriguing or can otherwise inspire the reader to keep reading.

In light of that, the situation you describe here--

The reason is that in about half of each chapter the character (protagonist in the first and antagonist in the second), is either alone or addressing meetings or reading newspapers or watching TV and is internally reacting to these things.

--might be cause for concern. Because that sounds like a recipe for dullness. Of course, it's all in the execution, and it's entirely possible that all the newspaper-reading, TV-watching, and conducting of meetings is full of scintillating, fascinating, got-to-find-out-more details. Maybe those chapters are rife with conflict and mystery and questions that need answers. One hopes. Only you know for sure.
 
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STING

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Because that sounds like a recipe for dullness.

That's what I'm really afraid of. Thanks again for the input. Am re-examining -- for a thousandth time -- the first two chapters. I have tried to make them intriguing in every way I could. I have taken years to do that. My worry is only about the lack of enough dialogue in the first two chapters -- and about the character being largely, though not all the time, alone. (That also brings up the question: Can a book's first pages -- one, two or three pages -- have a protagonist or antagonist who's alone most of the time even if he is doing something interesting/intriguing apart from thinking?)

I'm happy with chapter three onwards. One idea is to reduce the first chapter to 500-1000 words and make it a sharp inciting incident and junk the chapter two and use the story element there as a brief flashback somewhere else. Alternatively, trash the first two chapters and begin with chapter three by suitably changing it.
 

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(That also brings up the question: Can a book's first pages -- one, two or three pages -- have a protagonist or antagonist who's alone most of the time even if he is doing something interesting/intriguing apart from thinking?)

There's absolutely no problem with a character beginning their journey alone.

How many other people have you had look at these pages? You might feel better with some outside feedback at this stage.
 

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I really wouldn't worry about this at all. Just write to serve the story. In fact, I think it's a bigger problem for writers to have too much dialogue versus too little.

The bigger question here would be why is there too little dialogue? If you have a good answer for that, then don't worry about it. If you don't know why, then maybe you're summarizing too much and not dramatizing enough.
 

BethS

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That's what I'm really afraid of. Thanks again for the input. Am re-examining -- for a thousandth time -- the first two chapters. I have tried to make them intriguing in every way I could. I have taken years to do that. My worry is only about the lack of enough dialogue in the first two chapters -- and about the character being largely, though not all the time, alone. (That also brings up the question: Can a book's first pages -- one, two or three pages -- have a protagonist or antagonist who's alone most of the time even if he is doing something interesting/intriguing apart from thinking?)

Of course. But is watching TV, reading a newspaper, etc., intriguing? Or even moderately interesting?

I'm happy with chapter three onwards. One idea is to reduce the first chapter to 500-1000 words and make it a sharp inciting incident and junk the chapter two and use the story element there as a brief flashback somewhere else. Alternatively, trash the first two chapters and begin with chapter three by suitably changing it.

Those sound like good ideas to me.
 

neandermagnon

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That's what I'm really afraid of. Thanks again for the input. Am re-examining -- for a thousandth time -- the first two chapters. I have tried to make them intriguing in every way I could. I have taken years to do that. My worry is only about the lack of enough dialogue in the first two chapters -- and about the character being largely, though not all the time, alone. (That also brings up the question: Can a book's first pages -- one, two or three pages -- have a protagonist or antagonist who's alone most of the time even if he is doing something interesting/intriguing apart from thinking?)

It depends. In The Martian by Weir, the MC Mark Watney's all alone on Mars. However, he's alone figuring out how the hell he's going to survive on Mars and also what the hell happened (why his crew mates had good reason to believe that he was dead when he was in fact alive and how his space suit kept him alive in very unlikely circumstances) and tackling a whole range of different problems that he faces where the stakes are extremely high, i.e. solve the problem or die. That alone makes for very gripping reading. Then you have the character's voice which is very engaging and another major factor in why it's such a great book.

So the question is what your character is doing in all these meetings, reading papers etc... what are you conveying? If you're trying to convey that he has a boring life before all the action starts then you probably want to do that in as few words as possible otherwise his boring life's going to bore the reader before they get to the good bit. However if he's solving (or trying to solve or figure out what to do about) various problems with reasonably high stakes then that's going to be more gripping. And if the voice is good enough even boring stuff can be engaging.

If your chapters don't have something that's going to make readers keep on reading then you're probably starting too early. What's in those chapters that's absolutely necessary to be known before you get to chapter three? If the answer is "not much" then axe the chapters. If there's a chain of events you could try seeing if you can dripfeed them as backstory and still start in chapter three (too much backstory can be a sign that you're starting too late in a story though), along with any other important details. This approach may work a little better. You could always give it a try. Save a copy of your story as it is so you've got it to fall back on if it doesn't work out.
 

STING

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Of course. But is watching TV, reading a newspaper, etc., intriguing? Or even moderately interesting?
Apologies for late response. Job.
Valid question. I have worked TV-watching and newspaper-reading into the narration in the opening chapters as well as the rest of the MS to give some of the twists or turning points in the story. The same TV anchor with a distinct (screaming) voice appears throughout the book to break news as protagonist or antagonist watches and reacts to her. The occasional newspaper headlines that characters look at too add twists or elaborate story points. I got a doubt about this in the two opening chapters because it partly replaced one-on-one dialogue.

Those sound like good ideas to me.
I intend to try them out. Many thanks.
 

STING

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If you're trying to convey that he has a boring life before ...
Thanks for your time and well-considered response.

Oh no. In chapter-one, the first 100 words offer a teaser incident. The next 300 words have the MC looking at newspaper headlines about himself, which tell readers who he is and what he wants, with a hint of what and with whom the conflict is. Then follow action and internal and external dialogue. Then later he watches TV to find his son has been kidnapped. I used the media to provide information and twists and MC's internal reactions.

If your chapters don't have something that's going to make readers keep on reading then you're probably starting too early. What's in those chapters that's absolutely necessary to be known before you get to chapter three? If the answer is "not much" then axe the chapters. If there's a chain of events you could try seeing if you can dripfeed them as backstory and still start in chapter three (too much backstory can be a sign that you're starting too late in a story though), along with any other important details. This approach may work a little better. You could always give it a try. Save a copy of your story as it is so you've got it to fall back on if it doesn't work out.

Thanks. Will surely try this option and see how it works.
 

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There have been some good suggestions already. Here are some thoughts that may or may not be helpful to you:

+ Is the narration interesting? For some reason I'm thinking of the beginning of <i>The Princess Bride</i> or a Douglas Adams book where there's a ton of narration at the beginning but it's funny, it's quirky, it pulls you in. If your prose is gorgeous or your character's voice is strong enough or your narration is funny, you can easily grab readers right away without dialogue. Subverting expectations is a good way get interest right away.

+ Have you considered rewriting at least the first chapter so that instead of your character internally reacting to things, s/he's having a discussion with someone else about those things? There are any number of reasons this might not work, but it might be worth exploring. This has fixed any number of inert scenes for me.

+ I would really have at least a couple of other people who you know will be honest with you read those first two sections. You don't have to ask for a lot of their time; it might even be enough to have them say, "Yes, I did want to continue reading," or, "No, I didn't want to keep reading, it was a little boring." Not every beta reader has to give detailed feedback. Sometimes initial impressions are important too.

+ It sounds like you're overthinking a lot (which I think is a problem almost every writer has at one point or another). Have you taken a break from your project, maybe worked on something else for a while, so that you can get a little distance? Sometimes that's all you need to get the right perspective. Take a month or two where you don't open the document at all and try not to think about the story. Then see what happens when you get back to it.
 

STING

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Many thanks indeed for sharing your thoughts.

Subverting expectations is a good way get interest right away.

Well said. Can't agree with you more. This probably applies to everything creative, plotting and narrative construction included. But the beginner's fear of violating perceived conventions and standard writing advice somehow inhibits adventures -- a fear not too easy to shrug off.

Have you considered rewriting at least the first chapter so that instead of your character internally reacting to things, s/he's having a discussion with someone else about those things?

Yes, I have, and chapter one is looking better. It isn't working too well yet with chapter two. I am also keeping open the option of beginning with chapter three and relocating 1 and 2 in some fashion.

It sounds like you're overthinking a lot (which I think is a problem almost every writer has at one point or another).

I am beginning to suspect I am!

Have you taken a break from your project, maybe worked on something else for a while, so that you can get a little distance? Sometimes that's all you need to get the right perspective. Take a month or two where you don't open the document at all and try not to think about the story. Then see what happens when you get back to it.

Yes, I intend to do just that.