• Read this: http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?288931-Guidelines-for-Participation-in-Outwitting-Writer-s-Block

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No longer loving my book that's being beta-ed. And it's not the first time.

starrystorm

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Whenever I think of my book that's being beta-ed (or just currently finished being beta=ed) I feel a pit grow in my stomach. I have to admit I don't love my story anymore. I feel like it's not worth anyone's time to read. My beta said it was good, but I just don't know.

The sad thing is, this isn't the first time this exact same thing has happened. I've tried beta-ing two other books before and each time I told my beta to drop it because I was trunking it. With that out there, I don't know if this is just a phase I'll always go through or if this book is really that bad.

The other two previous trunked books I think trunking them was the best decision I ever made.

I'm thinking I should just continue on working with my critique partner on this story until it's publishable then decide what I want to do. But on the other hand I feel like I'm wasting not only my time, but their's as well.
 

sandree

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I can only say that I am in a similar state with my WIP. i tend to think, for me, that is is more of a psychological state than an objective evaluation of the work. I am quite sure that I am unable to look at it objectively.

If that is a possibility for you, it might be a good idea to do some editing based on your betas’ feedback and continue on with the process. If someone else thinks it is good, it just might be.

I’m talking to myself here, too. I think I need to take my own advice.
 
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ap123

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Part of the beauty of handing off a mss to beta readers is that it's a great time to step away and stop thinking about it. :) Don't even think about the revisions ahead, just let yourself breathe and remember, you finished a draft--something many talk about but few accomplish.

When the betas are finished and send their feedback (assuming these are people you trust to be honest with you), take another deep breath, read their thoughts and comments, deep breath again, close the emails, then think for a day or two or three and then read again.
 

Introversion

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I second-(and third-)guess myself all the time. My doubts are largest when I hand off work to someone else to read, especially to critique. Sometimes, I feel like "why am I bothering?" My imposter syndrome flares up when someone might tell me I don't know what I'm doing.

It may be that distancing yourself ("I don't even like this thing I just made") is a way to lessen the expected blow of the crit? "It's all trash, so it doesn't matter" is a free pass to avoid the hard work of editing??

I used to do woodworking as a hobby. Often I'd make a mistake -- cut a piece too short, cut the wrong angle, whatever. And while it was crushingly frustrating, I learned to stand back and do two things:

1. Ask myself if I could live with the mistake. Could I still finish the project with the mistake? Would I notice the mistake for the lifetime of the thing I was making?
2. Assure myself that I understand why the mistake happened. Could I avoid doing it again?

I'm trying to see crit feedback in a similar way. If a reader is confused, I've probably made a mistake. Do I agree with the crit? Do I understand how to fix it? Do I understand how to better avoid doing it again as I write?
 

Sonya Heaney

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Whenever I think of my book that's being beta-ed (or just currently finished being beta=ed) I feel a pit grow in my stomach. I have to admit I don't love my story anymore. I feel like it's not worth anyone's time to read. My beta said it was good, but I just don't know.

I hate my current book. Hate it. (See this post.)

No matter how good a manuscript is, I’m pretty sure every author goes through a point where they hate everything about it. I’m a very private writer, and I’ve never had beta readers etc., but I do need an editor to give me some perspective – someone with some distance from it.
 

cool pop

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This makes me so sad to read this. I have been there. I haven't ever hated a book of mine but I sure have had moments where self-doubt terrified me. That's all it is. Self-doubt and it's an illusion. It's not real. It's another thing us writers have swarming around in our heads. I don't know if this will cheer anyone up but hopefully it will. I was feeling like that with a book I published last October. I was doubting the subject matter and I was just so nervous. Well once I got it on pre-order I was shocked at how excited readers were for it. I got tons of buzz from readers right away and guess what, that made me feel WORSE! Yep, because now I had all these people with expectations to worry about and not just that problem of doubting myself.

So, I was nervous as heck for weeks until release day. I kept saying, "Oh, god what if it's not as good as people think or what if people don't like it after all?" I am usually very confident in my work and I know not every reader will love what I write but this book was so different and daring that I was a wreck.

So release day came and reviews started pouring in and they were GREAT! On top of that, the book was selling like crack. It became the biggest seller I'd had in years. I was so happy...and relieved.

Moral of the story, when that self-doubt starts to creep in, turn it off ASAP! Do what you can to not let that darkness invade your mind because at the end of the day it doesn't even matter.

I have heard from many authors that the books they doubted the most were their best.

I hope this cheered someone up! :partyguy:
 
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VeryBigBeard

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Like others have said, this is very natural. For some people, it's just an occasional nagging worry. For others, it's a constancy of writing.

Try not to tell your beta-reader to stop. For all you know, they might really like it and that might help you feel more confident. Or, oddly, sometimes really good critique can help with confidence, too, since you suddenly see what the book is with a bit more clarity.

Plus, calling off a beta-reader is a little bit unprofessional, and might make that person less likely to read for you in the future.

Sometimes it helps to remember that you're writing for public consumption (which I'll assume, given you're in the beta-reading stage). It's a bit of a crass way to look at it, but the book is basically just a product. You hope it makes someone laugh. You hope they love it. But that's all very much up to a reader and all you're really responsible for is earning your cut of the $9.99.

Or: No book is ever perfect, and none has to be.

It might help to work on something else to take your mind off it--maybe another MS, or maybe another hobby altogether. It can help to clear away all the files associated with that MS--don't open it up on the computer, don't leave notes on your desk, etc. I find this helps me. Once I'm finished a MS and I've revised to the best of my ability, then it's done, and I have to separate from it, which hurts, but it's better than the self-doubt I know will follow if I don't. Any revisions I do from beta-readers onwards are strictly professional--they're about earning that $9.99. The work I do on the book before others read it, that's about love.
 

buz

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All the posts above, basically. Especially what VBB says about earning your cut, I think -- it's a good thing to keep it all in perspective. (+ MrsFringe's comment about beta reading time being a great time to not think about it :D )

Just in case it's helpful, though, I'll add my personal experience is such that I expect to hate what I've written, or am writing, and will want to trash it all. (Well, er, doesn't just apply to writing, either. Anything I try to do is subject to fickle hatred.) Sometimes the book really is just...too much work to salvage, and beta reads and repeated attempts to fix it generally make that clear, I think. But I need the outside input. I've learned I can't rely on my own judgment...

Of course, that said, I haven't had like...actual commercial success, so take that with salt and all. Maybe I hate all my writing for good reason ;) But just saying, it is possible it's just part of the dance for you. Yay! In this case, as the others say -- wait for the outside input. You'll have a little better idea of where you're at. :)
 
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bugbite

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Maybe you're just fed up with this idea running through your head all the time. I think that's something that transcends other forms of art. I listened to a podcast with a musician who said they listen to their own single so much over the course of making it, that they can't stand to hear it by the time its released. Yet people are super stoked about it.

I've been in this rut before, and I think it's important to just stick with things, and eventually you'll catch a wave of inspiration that gets everything back in order.
 

Sonya Heaney

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Maybe you're just fed up with this idea running through your head all the time. I think that's something that transcends other forms of art. I listened to a podcast with a musician who said they listen to their own single so much over the course of making it, that they can't stand to hear it by the time its released. Yet people are super stoked about it.

Definitely this. I've just sent my hated manuscript to my editor. I know where the weaknesses in it are, but I was driving myself insane because I'm too close to the thing to enjoy it anymore.

(And then the edits begin and you have to read the book so many times you hate it all over again!)

Sometimes it's good to step away and work on something else for a bit
 

Woollybear

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Whenever I think of my book that's being beta-ed (or just currently finished being beta=ed) I feel a pit grow in my stomach. I have to admit I don't love my story anymore. I feel like it's not worth anyone's time to read. My beta said it was good, but I just don't know.

The sad thing is, this isn't the first time this exact same thing has happened. I've tried beta-ing two other books before and each time I told my beta to drop it because I was trunking it. With that out there, I don't know if this is just a phase I'll always go through or if this book is really that bad.

The other two previous trunked books I think trunking them was the best decision I ever made.

I'm thinking I should just continue on working with my critique partner on this story until it's publishable then decide what I want to do. But on the other hand I feel like I'm wasting not only my time, but their's as well.

I agree with all the support you are getting and I also hate my stories from time to time.

Here's a different question. You said it's happened before. Was the reason you hated it the same? Did it strike you as a pointless story, or inane, or to fan-ficky, or redundant...?

What was the exact *reason* you hated it?

I ask not to torment you but to suggest that a little analysis might be in order. If you can find the reason it bugs you, you might be able to address it.

I sometimes hate my work because it is childishly written. I sometimes hate it because the cliches are everywhere. I sometimes hate it because there is nothing new in it and I sometimes hate it because no agents love it.

Three of those reasons can be addressed. That might be enough to address the fourth reason. So, why do you hate your stories?
 

starrystorm

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I agree with all the support you are getting and I also hate my stories from time to time.

Here's a different question. You said it's happened before. Was the reason you hated it the same? Did it strike you as a pointless story, or inane, or to fan-ficky, or redundant...?

What was the exact *reason* you hated it?

I ask not to torment you but to suggest that a little analysis might be in order. If you can find the reason it bugs you, you might be able to address it.

I sometimes hate my work because it is childishly written. I sometimes hate it because the cliches are everywhere. I sometimes hate it because there is nothing new in it and I sometimes hate it because no agents love it.

Three of those reasons can be addressed. That might be enough to address the fourth reason. So, why do you hate your stories?

No. The first one was because it was loosely based on my life and there was stuff I didn't want people to see in there.

The second was because it was too cliche--orphan boy learns he is the chosen one to defeat a powerful wizard in a magic world.

This one--It just doesn't seem as good as the sci-fi first draft I just finished. Maybe because the sci-fi is fresh and this book is 3 years old.
 

Woollybear

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Hmm. Well since I'm only on book #2 I'm afraid I'm not much help, but I do gather that lots of people have a lot of trunked books that sometimes find new life down the road.
 

BlackKnight1974

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Self-doubt is a part of every area of life (well it is for me) and it's a natural thing to doubt yourself. A little self-doubt keeps your ego in check and hopefully keeps you grounded. However, too much and you end up in a very bad place.

Many successful people talk about feeling like a fake who will be exposed at any moment. Being self critical pushes you strive to do/be better - use it as such. The important thing is not to let it consume you. As others have said, send it off to beta and take a step back.

Like the other posters, I go through periods of thinking that I should give up on my WIP and forget writing - however that is normally around times of stress or when things aren't going well in other areas of my life. Other times, I look at my story and really like it! At the end of the day, you've invested time and effort into it - you might as well see it through. It being turned down/coming to nothing may be upsetting, but it will be better than looking back in twenty years and wonder what might have been.

The best advice I can give is to find an outlet for your stress. Be it something physical or something else creative - but it should be something that you don't have to be world class at to enjoy. Having a way to de-stress (which doesn't involve drinking a bottle of vodka and taking a handful of downers) is good for you as a person mentally and something everyone should have. That way, when you have feelings like this, you can shut out the world and incinerate the stress! (it works for me)

Hope you fell better soon.
 

Samscript

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As with most writers, I've been there. The imposter syndrome is so bad sometimes that I can't even look at my writing as real writing. Like it's just some sentences strung together and nothing else.

Here's the perspective that I use that helps me:

There are people out there doing much better than you who are less talented. But they have something essential that successful writers need to have; they have grit. You might be right about your novel. Your novel might be terrible. Everything you write might be terrible. Until you fix it. You'll just have to walk through that fear and doubt, just the same way successful writers have done before you.

So are you going to do this or not?

That's what I tell myself. It doesn't make the self-doubt disappear, but it keeps me moving forward.
 

VeryBigBeard

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It's also natural to improve over your first two, three, or fifty books. It is, I think, one of the more awkward aspects of writing, because you're constantly putting work you learned from out into the world.

I mean, ideally you're always getting better, right? But then looking back at past work is tricky. Try to look at it as striving to do more rather than improving on something bad. Just a shift of perspective.

If that fails, remember that you're still just creating a Thing for people to read and enjoy for a bit of money.

I don't know that the awkwardness goes away, but the more projects you're involved in, and especially with each project that does go out into the public, it gets easier to remember that each project is its own thing. So while there's no way to skip the feeling awkward, the best bet is to push through and send each project out, because it will give you better perspective. If you never finish anything, the next project will always seem way better just because it has that potential.
 

kohnuma

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I'm so glad to have found this post. I have a MS I've been working on for two years, just sent it to a beta reader, and realized that it's totally terrible. The story makes NO sense, it's been through too many drafts and turned into a Frankenstein's monster, I'm sick to death of working on it and making it worse, so the question is... how do you know when it's time to give up and stash it? Maybe it can be made better, but the story is not imo ultimately very interesting, and on the other hand, as some have said here, I devoted so much time and energy that I might as well see it through. How does one sell a book without confidence?
 

starrystorm

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I'm so glad to have found this post. I have a MS I've been working on for two years, just sent it to a beta reader, and realized that it's totally terrible. The story makes NO sense, it's been through too many drafts and turned into a Frankenstein's monster, I'm sick to death of working on it and making it worse, so the question is... how do you know when it's time to give up and stash it? Maybe it can be made better, but the story is not imo ultimately very interesting, and on the other hand, as some have said here, I devoted so much time and energy that I might as well see it through. How does one sell a book without confidence?

Hey, I'm the OP of this thread, and I'm glad to say I got over those feelings of hate. My beta ended up enjoying it, opening my eyes to how great it really was. I thought my book was terrible and made NO sense either, but that all changed as I worked on completing those beta edits. See this through. Get beta feedback before trashing anything. Maybe it'll change your mind too.
 

Animad345

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Hey, I'm the OP of this thread, and I'm glad to say I got over those feelings of hate. My beta ended up enjoying it, opening my eyes to how great it really was. I thought my book was terrible and made NO sense either, but that all changed as I worked on completing those beta edits. See this through. Get beta feedback before trashing anything. Maybe it'll change your mind too.

I'm so, so happy to hear this. :Hug2:

In response to your original post -- I was just going to say that I've written seven novels and this happened with every single one. I would be fired up with passion, and then it came to the editing process, and I decided that I hated it and started again. I'm determined to not let this happen with my eighth novel. It seems from reading this thread that it's a very common experience and I feel a lot less alone!
 

LucindaLynx

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Starrystorm: I am so glad you got rid of those feelings. You'll make your book great. I just know it.
Best,

Summerwriter