by... or with... or through?

indianroads

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None of that bothered him, the enemy had purchased their hideous deaths by the atrocities they had committed.

None of that bothered him, the enemy had purchased their hideous deaths with the atrocities they had committed.

None of that bothered him, the enemy had purchased their hideous deaths through the atrocities they had committed.

'With' I think... yes?
 

cgswe

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I would say 'with' but also break up that comma splice! :)
 

Maryn

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I'm with cgswe, even if I can't pronounce it. Fix the comma splice, use with.
 

Bufty

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Hi, Indianroads. It is out-of-context but I think I follow what you're trying to achieve through this 'purchased with' phrase. However, for me at least, this 'writerly' metaphor is not quite hitting the mark.

Have you tried synonyms for 'purchased' to see if there is another pairing? I may be wrong, but assume this 'purchased' covers attrocities committed over a fair period of time, like an investment. Have you considered the sowing and reaping approach? Ploughed their own funereal furrow....type of thing.

Just thoughts. Good luck. :Hug2:
 
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Maryn

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Bufty makes a good point. We've come to expect no less.
 

indianroads

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Hi, Indianroads. It is out-of-context but I think I follow what you're trying to achieve through this 'purchased with' phrase. However, for me at least, this 'writerly' metaphor is not quite hitting the mark.

Have you tried synonyms for 'purchased' to see if there is another pairing? I may be wrong, but assume this 'purchased' covers attrocities committed over a fair period of time, like an investment. Have you considered the sowing and reaping approach? Ploughed their own funereal furrow....type of thing.

Just thoughts. Good luck. :Hug2:

Thank you for this - but it's written in a way that the POV character would think/phrase it. His personality is rather distant analytic - and his arc has taken him from being a pacifist to slaughtering thousands.

This scene occurs at the climax near the end of the book, so there's a lot of backstory that would be hard to relate here. But:
1. He lives with and loves his partner.
2. A type of racism (it's SciFi) and intolerance drives them apart.
3. There's a violent religious cult that's running around burning people as a test of faith. The cult leaders think he is a demon.
4. She (his partner) takes up with another guy, gets pregnant, has a baby.
5. MC misses her and struggles with her betrayal.
6. His (former) partner is captured by the cult. They use her as bait to draw him out.
7. The cult sets his partner on fire. He kills her to end her suffering (tipping point that drives him away from being pacifist).
8. He flies into a rage, and kills everyone in the cult.

During that act though, a part of his mind disengages, so he sees it sort of like a third person watching everything unfold.
Later, he'll grapple with, how could I do that? and other such questions.

A bit more from the story for context:

Liam continued to fire on the advancing lines of the Scarred Faithful. Their black-clad bodies vanished, instantly converted into pale clouds of superheated gas. His hatred of them refused to loosen its grip, and his heart grew lighter with each of their deaths. He smiled as he cut down their advancing lines, killing so many that a soft white cloud began to form over the battlefield.

It was a bloodless war. The heat of his laser instantly cauterized wounds, and those that took a direct hit simply disappeared. But their deaths were too easy, and he wished for a more lingering and painful end for those that attacked Steamboat, killed his friends, and murdered the woman he loved.

Her betrayal had created an itching torment deep within his soul, and he thought that nothing could ever be worse, but he was wrong. Even though he was left alone, the world had been a better place with her in it. But death was final, all that was Denise was gone forever. Any contribution she might make to the lives of others, including her son, would never be.

Without thought, he continued to use his weapon to slaughter the enemy and destroy their homes. Everything was on fire, even the stones had been reduced to bubbling magma that ran and flickered with orange flames. The people he shot usually vanished, but occasionally an arm, leg, or a head would separate and fly high into the air then fall back to earth with a dull wet sounding smack. None of that bothered him; the enemy had purchased their hideous deaths with the atrocities they had committed.
 

Maryn

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I understand what you're saying, but I still don't consider "purchased" the only word that will work here. So would earned, merited, reaped, deserved, and lots more.
 

indianroads

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I understand what you're saying, but I still don't consider "purchased" the only word that will work here. So would earned, merited, reaped, deserved, and lots more.

Earned might work - I like the feel of it.
 

Maryn

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That would probably have been my choice, but I've learned through trial and error that other people make different choices. Go figure, huh?

Maryn, wondering when she can open the wine
 

Bufty

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Earned might work - I like the feel of it.

Good luck. It may take time to work out the most powerful phrasing for that last sentence to properly convey his thoughts, especially if you want it to somehow connect with his originally having been a pacifist.
 

benbenberi

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My ear tells me that "purchased through" is the construction you're reaching for. It echoes some dimly-recalled religious texts, hymns etc I can't quite call up, going something like "Christ has purchased their redemption through his death".
 

indianroads

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My ear tells me that "purchased through" is the construction you're reaching for. It echoes some dimly-recalled religious texts, hymns etc I can't quite call up, going something like "Christ has purchased their redemption through his death".

That's probably where that phrase came from - even though I'm an atheist now, I was subjected to Catholicism in my youth.

The purchased vs earned exercise continues to be interesting - subtleties within the definition make the choice difficult.

Purchase:
to acquire by the payment of money or its equivalent; buy.
to acquire by effort, sacrifice, flattery, etc.

Earn:
to gain or get in return for one's labor or service.
to merit as compensation, as for service; deserve.

Earn is probably best. I'm in the middle of another editing pass and will make my decision when I reach that line (which is near the end of the novel).

You guys are the best!
 

indianroads

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Update:
In the end, I asked my partner and she agreed that earned sounds better.

The final form of the paragraph looks like this:
Without thought, he continued to use his weapon to slaughter the enemy and destroy their homes. Everything was on fire, even the stones had been reduced to bubbling magma that ran and flickered with orange flames. The people he shot usually vanished, but occasionally an arm, leg, or a head would fly high into the air then fall back to earth with a dull wet sounding smack. None of that bothered him; the enemy had earned their hideous deaths by the atrocities they had committed.

Again - thank you everyone!
 

Bufty

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I see you've kept those last six words. Darlings?

They're pretty flat and telly, and maybe over-explanatory.

I wonder if you need them at all.
 
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BethS

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Update:
In the end, I asked my partner and she agreed that earned sounds better.

The final form of the paragraph looks like this:
Without thought, he continued to use his weapon to slaughter the enemy and destroy their homes. Everything was on fire, even the stones had been reduced to bubbling magma that ran and flickered with orange flames. The people he shot usually vanished, but occasionally an arm, leg, or a head would fly high into the air then fall back to earth with a dull wet sounding smack. None of that bothered him; the enemy had earned their hideous deaths by the atrocities they had committed.

The phrase in bold--is that already clear in the overall context? Can the reader deduce it without it being explained? If so, then I'd suggest stopping with "None of that bothered him." Otherwise, you're explaining the obvious and that reduces, maybe even negates, the powerful impact you're going for.
 

indianroads

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The character is/was a pacifist, who, minutes ago, was forced to kill the woman he loves because she was being burned alive by religious zealots. He's flown into a rage and is killing literally thousands - what you're hearing is his internal justification. The story is about the MC's arc that has brought him to this point. It's deliberately overstated, but he will have to deal with the consequences of his actions later.