I'm struggling to write a script that sounds natural

Lou Trent

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I have to write a script for a four minute video about how disability affects peoples lives and I'm really struggling. Everything that I've written comes across as a stuffy monologue. I'd really appreciate any tips on how to write it in a way that's more like having a natural conversation with the viewer. I've only written a script once before and that was for a short play so my experience is limited at best.
 

mccardey

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I have to write a script for a four minute video about how disability affects peoples lives and I'm really struggling. Everything that I've written comes across as a stuffy monologue. I'd really appreciate any tips on how to write it in a way that's more like having a natural conversation with the viewer. I've only written a script once before and that was for a short play so my experience is limited at best.
Are your characters interacting with each other? Interruption can be your friend. My approach was always to have the whole exchange playing out in my head before I tried to put it on paper.

ETA: Oh and giving them a goal helps enormously - rather than talking about the limitations of flightlessness, having them deal with and overcome a flightless issue. That sort of thing.
 
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PostHuman

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If you want to improve your dialogue, try spending some time riding around on public transportation or in some public place where you can write down or record the way you hear people talking with each other. Also I used to live in a house with 3 actor roommates and they were kind enough to frequently act out the scenes I was working on - really helped me figure out the opposing goals for each character.
 

SAWeiner

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Yes, I agree with the suggestion to overhear other people's conversations. Also, try to stay away from clunky big words (technical terms, etc.) as much as possible and keep in mind where the conversation is supposed to be heading.
 

dpaterso

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I saw a bunch of pics on Imgur the other week that showed bizarre wheelchair access fails, like ramps leading up to nowhere or ending at brick walls, or so steep no one could possibly use them, e.g. (and the only one I could find alas),

https://imgur.com/gallery/qLLtm

I don't think you need a lot of dialogue, you could convey plenty of feels just by showing poor planning by idiot people that denies someone with a disability their basic needs.

A guy in a wheelchair once asked me if I could push him the last 200-300 yards to his building, I said sorry no can do. He was astonished, I don't think anyone had ever refused before. Long story. Bummer for him, though.

-Derek
 

Bufty

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This isn't necessarily a continuous four-minute conversation though, is it?

Who is the intended audience of the video? Is it for training of some sort or just general public awareness?

Silence can be very effective.

Most of the impact will be from the visuals- no? With perhaps the viewer eavesdropping on the thoughts of the persons portrayed in the video as they struggle to deal with issues we viewers probably take for granted or don't even think about?

Good luck.
 
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Enlightened

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I have to write a script for a four minute video about how disability affects peoples lives and I'm really struggling.

Not sure this will help, but something to consider....

The lives of whom?

1. The disabled.
2. Those without disabilities.
3. Both 1 and 2?

If you get to choose, I would focus on either the first or second, not the third option. Once you have some kind of target audience, you can proceed. If your target audience are those without disabilities, you can detail imagery of a handicapped person unable to do something by himself (almost stranded out in public somewhere or something emotion-evoking).

If you address the disabled, that is another situation. Maybe your target audience is those with disabilities with chips on their shoulders. Maybe create sarcastic scenarios where he sees how absurd he behaved to others based on examples provided.