Hi, Tommyrulez. There's still issues with this.
Can I start by saying you've obviously got imagination and that's half the battle.
And full marks to you for having the courage to post this. I hope some of my following comments are helpful to you. If not, ignore them.
Posted by=tommyrulez_99;10595119]Ok, I am here. It seems the only time I can write is when I am waking up in the morning and ideas come. It seems that I can stare at my story for hours at a time and never get any closer to fixing it. But as of yesterday, I might have finally received the beginning. So here goes. 229 words.
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The trepidation he
You again start without giving us a name to latch onto. Who?felt as he stood staring at the trail to his home was new. He looked back at Lors.
I presume this is the stranger's name and the stranger is behind himThe stranger’s argument had held him spellbound with their
this should be singular if it refers to the stranger, Lors tales of Krags and war. Hiram had called Krags evil, but Harland didn’t know what that word meant.
That last sentence is meaningless He turned back to the trail. Sighing,
Why? he tugged the rope
What rope? and led the donkey into the woods.
The woods only appear now.
Harland froze at the sudden rustling of brush behind him, the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end.
If he's leading a donkey, then surely the donkey is rustling brush or making a noise- no?Slowly turning, as the lead rope flowed from his hand.
That is a fragment The only way he knew there was someone standing in the trail
Might be preferable to say 'standing ahead of him' was the way the darker forest seemed to silhouette the figure. All he could do was gape.
New paragraph"Would you like some light?" it asked.
"Yeesss" he stammered.
That's a drawn out 'yes- a stammer would be Y-y-y-y-yes
He stared in disbelief as words were spoken and a soft light glowed from what Harland thought was a long stick.
JAS- held in the stranger's hand.
"What were you planning to do with that?" the figure asked, pointing to the knife in Harland’s hand.
This is a very awkward introduction to the fact Harland is holding a knife. This should be mentioned earlier- maybe when he first sees the stranger. Or perhaps he draws it now, in which case this paragraph should start with Harland drawing his knife. In any event it should be a new paragraph here. Uncomfortably conscious of the pain where his hand clenched the knife,
Why- is he holding it by the blade? his knuckles white. He had not been aware he had pulled it.
POV issue here. Ah- now you explain about the knife, but it's too late. [Again, new speaker here therefore- new paragraph otherwise it seems as though it's Harland who is speaking."If I had wished to harm you, do you think you could have stopped me?" the strange figure continued.
Again , new paragraphHe stared at the figure, but kept his grip on the knife.[/QUOTE]
It's kind of confusing with all the above comments, so purely for your information, here's the post after implementing suggestions and my taking some freedom. Forgive me playing with your narrative but can you see how it flows a tad better when you use simple and direct sentences?
Harland stood beside his donkey at the start of the trail through the woods to his home. He looked back at Lors standing outside the Inn, and felt a strange sense of trepidation. The stranger had held him spellbound for hours with tales of Krags and war. Hiram had called Krags evil, but didn’t know what that word meant. He turned back to the trail, and with a sigh, led the donkey into the woods.
A short time later, Harland froze at a sudden loud rustling of brush behind him. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. He slowly turned, the lead rope falling from his hand. He drew his knife and waggled it in front of him.
A figure stood in the trail, silhouetted against the darker forest. "Would you like some light?" it asked.
Harland gaped. "Y-e-e-s-ss" he stammered.
He stared in disbelief as a soft light glowed from what looked like a long stick held in the stranger's hand.
"What were you planning to do with that?" the figure asked, pointing to the knife in Harland’s hand. "If I had wished to harm you, do you think you could have stopped me?"
Harland stared at the figure, but kept his grip on the knife. I assume Harland says something here
I know that's not exactly what you may wish to write but it does show you how a story opening can flow better and smoother if we focus on exactly what images we wish to convey, and put things in a logical order.
I hope you find some of what I have written to be helpful. Good luck.