Introverts vs. Extroverts

I am introverted and was painfully shy as a child. I’ve learned to navigate the social world but it exhausts me. I married an extrovert and that works well for us. We have a lot of space in our togetherness as he goes out and does his extrovert thing and I spend a lot of time alone. I do have a need for friends and family and outside input but it is a much smaller bucket to fill than his. When we go out together he is the social one and I can relax and enjoy the supporting role.

I’m wondering if the poll is weighted towards introverts because this is an online writer’s group.

I recently went to an IWWG (International Women’s Writing Guild) convention for one day. It was filled to the brim with women who were staying for an entire week and were socializing into the wee hours of the morning after a day of sharing their work and their inner lives with other writers. Many of them said that they look forward to this convention all year.

After I attended a couple of workshop sessions that day, I could feel my inner introvert asking if it was over yet. The women were lovely and welcoming and happily having intense encounters with each other and groups of others every second they weren’t writing or sharing their work. I think that’s where the extroverted writers are hanging out. It was interesting and informative but I had to go home and recover for a few days and have no desire to fill out an application for next year.

Introversion and extroversion are not about how well you do in a group setting. It is about how you regain your energy. If you recharge talking to people and being around them then you are an extrovert. If you recharge by going inward then you are a introvert. I have a friend who is an introvert and you would swear he was an extrovert. I didn't believe it at first when I found out he was an introvert. He loves interacting with people and is the life of every party. But when he needs to recharge, he goes inside himself. Appearances can be deceiving.

From my observations, introverts make the best sales people. They are very observant and listen intently whereas an extrovert will talk and miss vital information. For a sales person, knowing what a person wants is gold. If you can tap into that then you can make the sale.

Dialogue is not a problem for me because as an introvert I listen to people. I don't have to participate to hear. And there are times when I go out to restaurants just to sit and observe. It is one of my super powers. One of my other super powers is that as an introvert I have deep conversations when I have the energy to go out and be around people. I don't want to talk about the weather or sports or anything else that is trivial. I want to delve into the depths of the person's soul. I want to know what makes them tick. I want to see if there is anything I can do to help them in their humanity. If I can improve their lives in some meaningful way then I can return home to recharge and call the energy expenditure a win. Those are also the dialogues I want to read about. Ones that matter.

It is not true that all introverts are socially awkward. Or that being socially awkward is part of being an introvert. I hate that because I was born introverted that I am labeled neurotic. I'm thinking those designations must have been created by an extrovert.

I was married to an extrovert. It caused endless issues because he needed to go be with people but he insisted that if I didn't go that he wouldn't go. I begged him to just go out and enjoy himself. He didn't go get the energy he needed because I wouldn't bend to the pressure to be sapped of my energy. And he got depressed. The world works better when we allow each other to be who we are.

Sat Nam! (Literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

Ambrosia, what a lovely post! Seconding everything you said, except the bit about the ex-husband. Mine is the social introvert who's shy on stage; while I am the less-social introvert who shines on stage.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal

I'm quite odd. I grab energy from socializing, but if I socialize for too long, it becomes draining and exhausting. On the flip side, if I spend too much time by myself, it'll drain me. But if I get the right balance between alone time and socializing, I'm good to go. Going out, in general, is very exhausting. I find my energy levels nowadays very low. Even socializing online has become a chore.

I think I fall more on the introvert side.