Needing tips for writer's confidence

starlinguncaged · Jul 11, 2019

Hi! Thanks for popping into my thread.

Here's a little context:
I think my biggest struggle hasn't been writer's block, or the like. It's a battle between my deep perfectionism/fear of failure and not knowing if anyone beyond myself would actually get any enjoyment out of what I produce. I appreciate that you won't ever make everyone satisfied, however, I suppose I'm afraid of bothering people.

Sooo, I'm not looking for therapy, but rather concrete, practical 'tools' in my continued efforts against these (I'd imagine, fairly common) fears.

How do you cope with these types of uncertainties? Are there habits/practices one might employ to grow less concerned about these things?

mccardey · Jul 11, 2019

Write for yourself. Until you have something written, there's nothing to work with at all - so write for yourself. You can edit it later if you want to - or not if you don't want to. That's when you'll judge it. For now, just write stuff because you can. No-one will know.

Ichabod · Jul 11, 2019

I love the process and I have written books of which I have self published, but I couldn’t care less if it’s ever read.
I have others that I’ve written for myself and I think that others might enjoy so I will go through the rigorous editing to make it presentable to people who judge it on that merit. My reward was in the research and getting to know and understand my characters, who quite often paid little attention to the author’s direction.

starlinguncaged · Jul 11, 2019

mccardey said:
Write for yourself. Until you have something written, there's nothing to work with at all - so write for yourself. You can edit it later if you want to - or not if you don't want to. That's when you'll judge it. For now, just write stuff because you can. No-one will know.

Very true. I do have story in the works in the moment, so I shall give the "let myself enjoy it" a go.

Thank you.

Ichabod said:
I love the process and I have written books of which I have self published, but I couldn’t care less if it’s ever read.
I have others that I’ve written for myself and I think that others might enjoy so I will go through the rigorous editing to make it presentable to people who judge it on that merit. My reward was in the research and getting to know and understand my characters, who quite often paid little attention to the author’s direction.

I hadn't thought about just focusing on the process itself. There are aspects of it that I am very fond of too. That's a really great way to look at it. Thanks!

nickj47 · Jul 11, 2019

Confidence is a tricky thing. You want enough to keep going, but not so much that you don't try very hard. I think the best writers have enough confidence in their work that they can continue to write without an overriding fear of getting ridiculed, while still being deeply insecure.

IMO the only way to build a minimum of confidence is to have others read your stuff. Of course this only works if the feedback is positive. If not, then it's probably not warranted yet, in which case writing for yourself and enjoying the process is the best approach. You will get better.

Lady Fox · Jul 11, 2019

Writing is very personal for most people. When I first started I preferred to keep it a secret, as I believe a lot of people do. The reason for that was because I was afraid of failure/rejection etc even though it only started out as something I was doing for myself, not an intended career. Over the years I have learned to overcome this, and the only way I've done that is to let people read what I've written. It was hard. It was DAMN hard! The first time I offered something up for critique the response was so much better than I had hoped, and that gave me an enormous boost. Other times I received constructive criticism, which is never easy, but if you take a step back and accept it for what it is (intended to help you) then it is incredibly beneficial.

My advice is to write, have your work critiqued, give critique to others and over time you will gain more confidence. Forums like this one are one of the best tools you could use.

Good luck

starlinguncaged · Jul 11, 2019

nickj47 said:
Confidence is a tricky thing. You want enough to keep going, but not so much that you don't try very hard. I think the best writers have enough confidence in their work that they can continue to write without an overriding fear of getting ridiculed, while still being deeply insecure.

IMO the only way to build a minimum of confidence is to have others read your stuff. Of course this only works if the feedback is positive. If not, then it's probably not warranted yet, in which case writing for yourself and enjoying the process is the best approach. You will get better.

I agree. Confidence is a tricky thing. I feel I'm at a point where I'm comfortable with other reading my work. And even if what I get back is critical, I think I'd be okay; just as long as it's constructive. Something like "why are you even trying?" would likely destroy me XD

And you're right. The only way to improve is by doing. It's hard to get out of that panicked frame of mind where whatever the present way of things is, is what it will be forever.

Lady Fox said:
Writing is very personal for most people. When I first started I preferred to keep it a secret, as I believe a lot of people do. The reason for that was because I was afraid of failure/rejection etc even though it only started out as something I was doing for myself, not an intended career. Over the years I have learned to overcome this, and the only way I've done that is to let people read what I've written. It was hard. It was DAMN hard! The first time I offered something up for critique the response was so much better than I had hoped, and that gave me an enormous boost. Other times I received constructive criticism, which is never easy, but if you take a step back and accept it for what it is (intended to help you) then it is incredibly beneficial.

My advice is to write, have your work critiqued, give critique to others and over time you will gain more confidence. Forums like this one are one of the best tools you could use.

Good luck

Thank you! And yeah, constructive critique is really the best kind of feedback you can get. I've made other creative things (not writing) where it was like pulling teeth to get anyone to say anything other than "it's great!" when asking for feedback.

I really am hoping AW becomes a great tool for me. Though I wish I had plugged in more when I originally joined, I wasn't at the maturity yet to really benefit.

Ari Meermans · Jul 11, 2019

starlinguncaged said:
Hi! Thanks for popping into my thread.

Here's a little context:
I think my biggest struggle hasn't been writer's block, or the like. It's a battle between my deep perfectionism/fear of failure and not knowing if anyone beyond myself would actually get any enjoyment out of what I produce. I appreciate that you won't ever make everyone satisfied, however, I suppose I'm afraid of bothering people.

Sooo, I'm not looking for therapy, but rather concrete, practical 'tools' in my continued efforts against these (I'd imagine, fairly common) fears.

How do you cope with these types of uncertainties? Are there habits/practices one might employ to grow less concerned about these things?

Some thoughts on first steps:

Stop treating yourself as a fledgling writer/Remove your mind from "learning mode". Learning your craft is lifelong, but continuing to think of yourself as a new or inexperienced writer will keep you from moving forward with confidence.
Share your work for critique. This will help you to learn the difference between constructive efforts to help you improve and criticism that provides no value. Sharing your work also helps to grow that thick skin every writer needs to survive.
Seek out externally-imposed deadlines. This one has helped me with limiting perfectionism and the tendency to overwork a piece of writing. You can look for writing competitions or participate in AW's annual "Sekrit Solstice Short Story Swap" (Note: stories don't have to be SF or F even if your assigned prompt leans that way; I know this because. ) You are also writing a story for a specific person who will not be at all judgemental and is really looking forward to a story written just for them.

mccardey · Jul 11, 2019

I agree that external crit is great when there's something to crit, if you want readers. But the first thing to do is write, and divorce yourself from the feeling that people are out there waiting to critique you. Critique is a gift that you ask for if you want to and when you're ready. But first - just write. Enjoy the process.

mccardey · Jul 11, 2019

Ari Meermans said:
Some thoughts on first steps:

Stop treating yourself as a fledgling writer/Remove your mind from "learning mode". Learning your craft is lifelong, but continuing to think of yourself as a new or inexperienced writer will keep you from moving forward with confidence.

Very big +1 with this.

starlinguncaged · Jul 11, 2019

Ari Meermans said:
Some thoughts on first steps:

Stop treating yourself as a fledgling writer/Remove your mind from "learning mode". Learning your craft is lifelong, but continuing to think of yourself as a new or inexperienced writer will keep you from moving forward with confidence.

Share your work for critique. This will help you to learn the difference between constructive efforts to help you improve and criticism that provides no value. Sharing your work also helps to grow that thick skin every writer needs to survive.

Seek out externally-imposed deadlines. This one has helped me with limiting perfectionism and the tendency to overwork a piece of writing. You can look for writing competitions or participate in AW's annual "Sekrit Solstice Short Story Swap" (Note: stories don't have to be SF or F even if your assigned prompt leans that way; I know this because. ) You are also writing a story for a specific person who will not be at all judgemental and is really looking forward to a story written just for them.

Thank you! These are fantastic!

I shall have to look in to the story swap. Sounds like fun!

mccardey said:
I agree that external crit is great when there's something to crit, if you want readers. But the first thing to do is write, and divorce yourself from the feeling that people are out there waiting to critique you. Critique is a gift that you ask for if you want to and when you're ready. But first - just write. Enjoy the process.

I shall try!

screenscope · Jul 11, 2019

My confidence issues disappeared when I truly understood that it's only writing and what people think about it is none of my business. I can only control a work until it is finished and what happens to it after that - regardless of hope, intention and with/without a publisher - is completely out of my hands.

Nothing, for me, beats the satisfaction of producing a work I believe is ready for publication. Anything positive beyond that is an unexpected bonus.

It took a lot of years to get to that point, but it's made me a happy writer.

Auteur · Jul 11, 2019

I have confidence that I can come up with an interesting story. I don't have confidence that I can write it well. Hopefully, I'll be able to develop that skill.

Ichabod · Jul 12, 2019

A couple of things that helped my confidence was a better knowledge of my chosen craft.
You probably don’t need this, but Stephen King’s On Writing and William Strunk’s Element of Style were instrumental in turning out a good product.
The wife wasn’t happy that our conversations were about subjective clauses and split infinitives.

sandree · Jul 12, 2019

I struggle with this too. When I first started writing fiction, which was not too long ago, I put some work up for critique on Critique Circle and was informed that I had no idea what I was doing. That was painful but I learned a lot - and quickly. It remains difficult for me to judge the quality of my own work because I am still new to fiction but I can see how much I have improved.

I think that has given me the beginnings of some confidence. Learning to write through critiques and craft books has helped to take some of the mystery out of the whole endeavor and allowed me to begin to realize that it is a craft. This is helpful because I have had the experience of mastering other crafts so my mind has begun to be open to the possibility that I can learn this one too.

Every once in a while I think maybe this isn’t quite the insurmountable task that I have always assumed it is. Just maybe...

MaeZe · Jul 12, 2019

All I have to be is a better writer than yesterday. That works for me.

It also helps when I bring my work to my critique group; which, in my case, is where I learned to write, (plus a lot of homework refining what was in the group's feedback). I don't have to be perfect or anything if I'm there to learn.

Now that I have a good handle on writing, I still learn more every day. So it still holds, all I have to be is a better writer than yesterday.

It also helps to have something you want to write.

starlinguncaged · Jul 15, 2019

Really great advice, from all of you.

I really appreciate it!

Ichabod said:
A couple of things that helped my confidence was a better knowledge of my chosen craft.
You probably don’t need this, but Stephen King’s On Writing and William Strunk’s Element of Style were instrumental in turning out a good product.
The wife wasn’t happy that our conversations were about subjective clauses and split infinitives.

I actually have William Strunk's Elements of Style...I should probably actually read it XD But I have read Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott, which I would highly recommend. I'll add On Writing to my reading list though.

AW Admin · Jul 15, 2019

starlinguncaged said:
I actually have William Strunk's Elements of Style...I should probably actually read it XD But I have read Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott, which I would highly recommend. I'll add On Writing to my reading list though.

Read Strunk and WHite, and King too, by all means, but keep in mind that they're offering general advice, not rules.

Also bear in mind that Strunk and White was written for freshman comp students; some of the principles they obsess over in Elements of Style are, while very appropriate for non-fiction undergraduate essays, don't really apply that much to some other forms of writing, like fiction.

starlinguncaged · Jul 15, 2019

AW Admin said:
Read Strunk and WHite, and King too, by all means, but keep in mind that they're offering general advice, not rules.

Also bear in mind that Strunk and White was written for freshman comp students; some of the principles they obsess over in Elements of Style are, while very appropriate for non-fiction undergraduate essays, don't really apply that much to some other forms of writing, like fiction.

Noted! Thanks for the heads up

Ralph Rotten · Jul 15, 2019

starlinguncaged said:
Hi! Thanks for popping into my thread.

Here's a little context:
I think my biggest struggle hasn't been writer's block, or the like. It's a battle between my deep perfectionism/fear of failure and not knowing if anyone beyond myself would actually get any enjoyment out of what I produce. I appreciate that you won't ever make everyone satisfied, however, I suppose I'm afraid of bothering people.

Sooo, I'm not looking for therapy, but rather concrete, practical 'tools' in my continued efforts against these (I'd imagine, fairly common) fears.

How do you cope with these types of uncertainties? Are there habits/practices one might employ to grow less concerned about these things?

The best way to gain confidence in writing is to master the craft. Write, write, write, until you know your work is shiny.
Instead of a false bravado, or a gift from the Wizard of Oz, find your confidence in your skill.
The first 200,000 words are just practice.

starlinguncaged · Jul 15, 2019

Ralph Rotten said:
The best way to gain confidence in writing is to master the craft. Write, write, write, until you know your work is shiny.
Instead of a false bravado, or a gift from the Wizard of Oz, find your confidence in your skill.
The first 200,000 words are just practice.

There's truth to that, but I think it can be hard to discern if and when you have actually mastered it (or are improving). Especially when you're overly self-critical to begin with.

Woollybear · Jul 15, 2019

OK. One thing I do that no one else has mentioned is I look at the reviews of books I've read, on Amazon. The one star and five star reviews mostly.

For books I absolutely love, it's enlightening to see what the one-star reviews have to say. For books I can't seem to finish, it's interesting to see what the five star reviews say. In both cases I realize how subjective this is.

I don't know why, but doing this now and then helps me not to worry so much about negativity. There'll be negativity regardless. I bet it'll hurt, and then eventually it won't.

(It's also fun to read well-received books and realize that had a passage been in critique, I would have had a few things to say about it!)

starlinguncaged · Jul 15, 2019

Oooh, that's a really fun idea!

I like that a lot.

Needing tips for writer's confidence

starlinguncaged

mccardey

Ichabod

starlinguncaged

nickj47

Lady Fox

starlinguncaged

Ari Meermans

MacAllister's Official Minion & Greeter

mccardey

mccardey

starlinguncaged

screenscope

Auteur

Redacted

Ichabod

sandree

MaeZe

starlinguncaged

AW Admin

starlinguncaged

Ralph Rotten

starlinguncaged

Woollybear

starlinguncaged