Too many "her"s!!!
- Thread starter Auteur
- Start date
I don't know how to strikethrough, so I colored deletions red instead.
He grabbed her head by the hair on the back of her head and berated her, inches from her face.
Alternately, He grabbed her head by the hair on the back of her head and berated her, inches from her face.
He grabbed her head by the hair on the back of her head and berated her, inches from her face.
Alternately, He grabbed her head by the hair on the back of her head and berated her, inches from her face.
Strikethrough code is left bracket s right bracket, and then left bracket /s right bracket. But it didn't work for me when I started here, either.
OP: I think some stuff can be intimated by the reader. I'd convert the breaking to dialog (showing, not telling).
OP: I think some stuff can be intimated by the reader. I'd convert the breaking to dialog (showing, not telling).
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It's also on the menu if you click the "Go Advanced" option in the lower right corner of the post-composition screen, along with some other handy options.
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Hmm.
He grabbed the hair on the back of her head and berated her from inches away.
Maybe? I'm awfully new at this.
He grabbed the hair on the back of her head and berated her from inches away.
Maybe? I'm awfully new at this.
Thank you, both of you! And now back to our featured programming . . .
Words of wisdom, (because everyone else already posted excellent suggestions): Don't say it twice and don't say it if it is obvious, the reader can figure it out.
He grabbed her by the hair
I agree, show the berating, don't tell it.
He grabbed her by the hair
Of course the hair is on her head and if he gets in her face you can guess it's on the back of her head, but also, back of head, side of head, it doesn't matter to picture the scene.
I agree, show the berating, don't tell it.
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He grabbed her by the hair and berated her, inches from her face.
He took her by the hair and berate her.
He took hold of her, grabbed her by the hair and berate her.
Whatever you find suited, I guess.
