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I haven't been able to write since I got a publishing deal

Earthling

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My diamond shoes are too tight, right?

I haven't written since June 2018. June 2018 was when I got my first publishing deal; just a small press deal for a novella. I got a Big 5 deal in December for a novel, and I thought that might give me a boost. It's made things worse.

Every sentence I write, I'm imagining editors reading it and judging it, and it's never good enough. So I sit and rewrite a single sentence over and over until I get too frustrated and go play a video game.

I know what the answer is: forget about editors and readers and just write. I can polish it later, right? It's probably not as bad as I think, anyway. But at the same time I know that I want this manuscript to be published, and editors WILL be reading it and judging it, and I want them to like it. I can't forget that, no matter how I try to kid myself.

I've tried writing other stuff, stuff that has no chance of ever being published and that no editor will ever see. The writing flowed just fine, and I had fun. But as soon as I'm working on my 'real' manuscript, I'm paralysed again.

I don't know what to do. I've spent a year trying different things: taking all the pressure off myself and having a break from thinking about writing; forcing myself to write every day no matter how slow or hard it is; working on different manuscripts; rewriting old manuscripts instead of new. It doesn't matter what I do - if I'm working on an MS that I want to be published, I can't do it. It's like wading through treacle.

Thank you for reading my self-pitying rant. If you have any ideas I would love to hear them!
 

LadyRedRover

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Sorry to hear you've hit a rough patch Earthling :( I had a similar experience with W1S1. The idea of sending out stories and possibly getting them published was crushing to my writing routine. I wrote about 20 stories altogether and each one was harder than the last because I was so scared about the idea that editors and publishers would be reading my words and judging them. It's been even tougher with novels. After almost a year, I'm just now getting back to it.

Something that's helped is that I've been reading inspirational essays about the creative process before I write. NaNoWriMo pep talks, Anne Lamott books, quotes on Pinterest...anything to put me in a positive frame of mind. I've found that it's hard to hold a positive thought ('Creativity is necessary for my well-being') and a negative thought ('Editors are going to hate my work, I'm a fraud') at the same time.

Other things I've done have been storytelling games like Dungeons & Dragons, story analyses, free-writing, and writing the silliest story I could think of (a ghost gets a physical and realizes that she's turning into a human again, which is very distressing because she has tea scheduled with her friends next week). For now, writing means focusing on the fun and the interesting parts and doing everything I can to disengage my idea of writing from the idea of publishing, even to the point of not writing down my word counts or making story decisions with a 20-sided dice.

Sometimes, once I'm done with a story and let it sit after edits, I think, 'Should I send it out now?' If I can't breathe from fear, I know it isn't time yet. So, I send it to beta readers or ask for an opinion on a paragraph, instead. I might analyze it and keep polishing it until it's the best story I can write at the time. And then, if the fear hasn't lessened and I find myself paralyzed, I leave it alone and start the next fun, crazy 'just-for-fun' story. I trust that one day I'll feel okay about sending out stories again. In the meantime, I can only do what so many other writers have suggested I do--write the best story I can and then write another one.

I hope that helps :)
 
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Earthling

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Thank you, Lady. I'm in awe of your 20 stories!

I... really want to read your tea-party-going ghost story.
 

LadyRedRover

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Thank you! I'm pleased about my story output now, but at the time, I felt like I was so far behind because I couldn't hit that one-a-week goal. Just goes to show, we're not always the best judges of our work! ^_^

I'm honored that you would want to read my ghost story! It still has a ways to go before it's done, but I'll be posting it in the SYW when it is :) I liked being able to poke a bit of fun at myself because people are always teasing me about being too proper and concerned about politeness ;p
 

Sonya Heaney

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I know what the answer is: forget about editors and readers and just write. I can polish it later, right? It's probably not as bad as I think, anyway. But at the same time I know that I want this manuscript to be published, and editors WILL be reading it and judging it, and I want them to like it. I can't forget that, no matter how I try to kid myself.

I've tried writing other stuff, stuff that has no chance of ever being published and that no editor will ever see. The writing flowed just fine, and I had fun. But as soon as I'm working on my 'real' manuscript, I'm paralysed again.

I know exactly how you feel, and wish I had some suggestions!

I'm trying to complete two manuscripts before next month (because I'm going to be travelling after that), but I'm definitely looking at everything on the page and thinking WTH is this dreck?! It doesn't help that there's been a major staff shuffle at my publisher. I'm imagining the next manuscript falling into the hands of someone who hates my work and thinks why did we ever buy this author to begin with?!

Can you take some elements of the writing you've enjoyed and incorporate them into your "real" book? I've been guilty of robbing favourite parts of one manuscript to use in another.
 

Gillhoughly

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Rampaging killer editor here. I have worked for the Big Five, won death matches against my own kind in vats of boiling ink, and even survived lunches with grinning agents.

I am hunched over my desk, my breath reeking from a Tabasco, onion, garlic on Limburger sandwich. My glowing green spittle is eating through the floor like the Alien's blood through the Nostromo's decks because I mainline Death Wish Coffee and writers' tears.

What do you do?

You look deeply into the larger of my bloodshot, bulging eyes and go, "FUCK YOU!!!!"

Then you park in front of your desk and write the story YOU want to read.

Every time you imagine my slimy wart-and-scale-covered form looming, about to speak through a pie hole full of needle sharp teeth, blot it out by bellowing, "FUCK YOU!!!!"

Repeat as often as needed and laugh maniacally.

It works.


https://www.deathwishcoffee.com/collections/death-wish-coffee
 
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frimble3

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I got a Big 5 deal in December for a novel, and I thought that might give me a boost. It's made things worse.

Every sentence I write, I'm imagining editors reading it and judging it, and it's never good enough. So I sit and rewrite a single sentence over and over until I get too frustrated and go play a video game.
Clarification: you got a Big 5 deal for a novel you haven't even written yet? You've already reached a goal that most only dream of! And, as you continue to write it, remember: they liked the sheer idea of your novel. Unwritten. Based, I assume on prior work or samples, because it wasn't a completed manuscript.
This is like marrying a guy with a bag over his head and no chance to check his wallet.
They like your work. They trust your ability.

So, give them what they want. Your work.
 

Earthling

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Clarification: you got a Big 5 deal for a novel you haven't even written yet? You've already reached a goal that most only dream of! And, as you continue to write it, remember: they liked the sheer idea of your novel. Unwritten. Based, I assume on prior work or samples, because it wasn't a completed manuscript.
This is like marrying a guy with a bag over his head and no chance to check his wallet.
They like your work. They trust your ability.

So, give them what they want. Your work.

Nono! Sorry, I wasn't clear. I wrote four manusucripts in two years, before I got the first deal. The two deals were for completed manuscripts. Since then, I've come to a dead halt.
 

Earthling

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I actually wrote a little over the past few days. Your posts really helped. :snoopy:
 

lorna_w

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Sympathies.

Success --> block is very normal, if that helps.

Sometimes people who have success think they don't deserve it and feel like imposters. You aren't an imposter, but if people telling you that you aren't an imposter doesn't help, and this recurs, you might consider therapy for the one issue. Good luck!
 

L.C. Blackwell

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I may get a wince and a shriek of dismay here, but the thing that helped me most when I became a victim of self-editing paralysis was to buy an old (1970s) manual (no electric anything) typewriter, and start drafting on that. It does a couple of things--kills the blue light wavelengths that you get from monitors or screens, which can mess with you if you're blue light sensitive; and it doesn't allow you to go back and editeditedit yourself so easily. After you've spent that much work on a page, you're more apt to scratch a few notes in the margin and move on. Retyping the same page fifty times is simply too much physical effort. I was stuck until I got that thing: now I'm moving again.

:Hug2:
 

maggiee19

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Rampaging killer editor here. I have worked for the Big Five, won death matches against my own kind in vats of boiling ink, and even survived lunches with grinning agents.

I am hunched over my desk, my breath reeking from a Tabasco, onion, garlic on Limburger sandwich. My glowing green spittle is eating through the floor like the Alien's blood through the Nostromo's decks because I mainline Death Wish Coffee and writers' tears.

What do you do?

You look deeply into the larger of my bloodshot, bulging eyes and go, "FUCK YOU!!!!"

Then you park in front of your desk and write the story YOU want to read.

Every time you imagine my slimy wart-and-scale-covered form looming, about to speak through a pie hole full of needle sharp teeth, blot it out by bellowing, "FUCK YOU!!!!"

Repeat as often as needed and laugh maniacally.

It works.


https://www.deathwishcoffee.com/collections/death-wish-coffee

:ROFL:
 
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Brooklyn_Story_Coach

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So, I think one of the worst things to do is to tell your animal brain to try and "forget" about danger--even if it is perceived. Your brain will think about it the same, regardless. While I love the idea of looking at the metaphorical editor and screaming "fuck you!!"... I think your going to eventually lose, only because your brain, again, is wired to key into danger.

One thing you might try is imagining you are someone who has already written the novel and you love it. You've released the fear of failure. The book may be a hit, it may not. The key is that the book activates deep joy in your soul. You've written it true to the muse and released it with a satisfied feeling of "I have done my best, and my best is enough."

You'll do the same thing with this exercise as the trap you are currently stuck in, only in reverse. You'll trick your mind into keying into the gain vs pain motivation. Some extra motivations, affirmations, and daily rituals to reinforce yourself into believing you are the amazing writer you clearly are will only strengthen the habit.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes!
 

Earthling

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Thank you again, everybody.

I took a mixture of all the advice and basically just tried really hard to accept that an editor would be judging my work but to carry on anyway. I made myself write until I'd done three chapters, left it a few days, then read them over. The words came so hard that I was expecting terrible things, but I actually really enjoyed the chapters (still found plenty to red-pen, but that's fine). I gave them another polish and felt they were good enough to send to my agent.

And today I wrote a SYNOPSIS without vomiting blood! WIN.

One thing I've realised through this block is that I'm very motivated by feedback. If I can squeeze out a few paragraphs and get instant feedback from my CPs, good or bad, I find it much easier to carry on. Ultimately what I want isn't fame or fortune but for people to read my books and feel something, and for that to happen I need to write the damn things. Focusing on that goal has been helpful, too.

(P.S. Cthulhu, if you're listening, I will totally accept fame and fortune as well. Thanks.)
 

VRanger

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When you doubt yourself, read someone else. Mark every flaw. Then go back and read something you wrote a while ago. You'll see it's just as good or better.

In wargames, we call your condition "Analysis Paralysis".

I get you perfectly. I refused to write for a long time because I was terrified I couldn't live up to my favorite authors. When I finally started, I finally realized that I lived up to me. I like what I write. If I like what I write and I like what authors that I favor write, I could be doing ok. LOL

And you are, too.

Unfortunately, this will NEVER carry over to my confidence sitting down at the piano after listening to a Roger Williams album!!
 
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Sonya Heaney

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Thank you again, everybody.

I took a mixture of all the advice and basically just tried really hard to accept that an editor would be judging my work but to carry on anyway. I made myself write until I'd done three chapters, left it a few days, then read them over. The words came so hard that I was expecting terrible things, but I actually really enjoyed the chapters (still found plenty to red-pen, but that's fine). I gave them another polish and felt they were good enough to send to my agent.

I'm glad something got you writing again! I know "write every day" is a good motivator for many people, but sometimes you really do need to step away and wait for inspiration to strike. I've been assigned to a new commissioning editor, and I know that right now she's reading my September book. Suddenly this writing business seems a lot scarier than before I'd signed with someone... Nobody warns you how tough things get! :scared:
 

Elfriede

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Rampaging killer editor here. I have worked for the Big Five, won death matches against my own kind in vats of boiling ink, and even survived lunches with grinning agents.

I am hunched over my desk, my breath reeking from a Tabasco, onion, garlic on Limburger sandwich. My glowing green spittle is eating through the floor like the Alien's blood through the Nostromo's decks because I mainline Death Wish Coffee and writers' tears.

What do you do?

You look deeply into the larger of my bloodshot, bulging eyes and go, "FUCK YOU!!!!"

Then you park in front of your desk and write the story YOU want to read.

Every time you imagine my slimy wart-and-scale-covered form looming, about to speak through a pie hole full of needle sharp teeth, blot it out by bellowing, "FUCK YOU!!!!"

Repeat as often as needed and laugh maniacally.

It works.


https://www.deathwishcoffee.com/collections/death-wish-coffee


This is my favourite internet forumpost I have ever seen. Oh wow. I'm not even published and am just trudging through edits but this motivated even me to keep going :rant:
 

Samscript

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I've never been in your exact situation, but I've rewritten sentences over and over again, going backward instead of forward.

It helps to me to just say, "Okay, my plan today is to write badly. No one will read this." And then I go. Most of the time, it's bad. But it loosens me up a bit. There will also be some patches of good stuff that I can edit into shape later. Just call your wip your secret shit pile of words that no one will ever see, maybe that will free you of some pressure.
 

novicewriter

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I haven't had any book deals, yet, but that's due to me not working on and submitting my stuff, due to worrying about how potential agents, publishing editors, and readers might criticize or be unhappy with everything I write.

What's kind of helped me get more into a mood for writing, again, was looking at other writers' manuscript pitches on Twitter (e.g. Pitmad). Doing that has inspired and reminded me of my own works-in-progress, and I don't feel as worried or as critical about my work.

It was a helpful reminder that there are many writers out there, continuing to write stories they want to write, finishing them, and making an effort to pitch their work, regardless of any fears or worries they might have about how an agent, editor, or reader might think of it.
 
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SVenus

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This might seem really minor, but it was of use to me, so it might be to all of you, too.
When I write, my MS is from the beginning formatted to be industry standard (i.e. double spacing, TNR 12, left aligned). After looking at it for so long I've grown sick of it and it feels like the formatting is designed to be ugly. I read what I write and think it's awful, but then I briefly switched to 1.5 spacing justified Garamond and it suddenly all looked so much more appealing and it was like looking at my writing with fresh eyes.
Give it a try.
 

BPhillipYork

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You could always use the public speaking trick and think of the editors naked. I never really understood that one, but it works for some people. You could also think of editors as contemptible wannabe writers (like critics) who love writing so much that they had to find an adjacent job and just tear people down all day because they can't elevate themselves.
 

Ari Meermans

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You could always use the public speaking trick and think of the editors naked. I never really understood that one, but it works for some people. You could also think of editors as contemptible wannabe writers (like critics) who love writing so much that they had to find an adjacent job and just tear people down all day because they can't elevate themselves.

The problem with cultivating an adversarial stance wrt editors is that it negates the very real benefits of getting help to polish our work to the nth degree and making us better writers. Having our work critted, betaed, or edited is how we learn and grow.

When I crit, beta, or edit—depending on what the author wants from me—I'm vested in their growth and success. I'm not gonna take the time otherwise.
 
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Old Hack

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You could always use the public speaking trick and think of the editors naked. I never really understood that one, but it works for some people. You could also think of editors as contemptible wannabe writers (like critics) who love writing so much that they had to find an adjacent job and just tear people down all day because they can't elevate themselves.

I became an editor because I loved books so much. I wanted to work with them all day. I wanted to do all I could to make the books I worked on as good as they possibly could be. I find writers, and the process of writing, fascinating. I don't feel at all that I became an editor because I wasn't a good enough writer myself; and I definitely don't want to "tear people down all day" because I lack the talent to write for myself.

Editors want to help the writers they work with. They don't resent them. They love the books they work with, and do all they can to make those books successful.
 

Earthling

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I came here to update and saw a bunch of replies I missed before. Thank you everyone for your tips.

In the end I booked a week in a very very remote cottage halfway up a Welsh mountain where there was no phone signal and I didn't see another human the entire time. Unfortunately (!) there was good wifi, but I kind of guilted myself into writing: after spending £££ on the cottage and driving 12 hours, I would've been so mad at myself for wasting the week watching Netflix. I've written about 25k in the past few weeks, after 18 months of struggling to get anything down.

So it's an expensive option but maybe someone else will find it useful...