Solved: Really REALLY Dumb Question

Sarahrizz

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I have written a line, and I'm not sure how to punctuate the last part. Do I use ";" make it a whole new sentence of its own, or keep the coma?

Mr. Fodrey looked away, his arm motioned to wipe sweat from his brow. Cassidy had done what countless other lawyers had failed to do, make Mr. Fodrey nervous.

This is in a new paragraph of its own after a dialogue paragraph for the Cassidy character. Next I plan on putting dialogue for the Mr. Fodrey character, but should I have it as a whole new paragraph or keep it in this one?
 
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angeliz2k

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It should be a colon.

Cassidy had done what countless other lawyers had failed to do: make Mr. Fodrey nervous.

The first sentence is punctuated incorrectly. There are two independent clauses here, and therefore you need a period where you have a comma.

Mr. Fodrey's dialogue should be a new paragraph.
 

Gillhoughly

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Mr. Fodrey looked away, wiping sweat from his brow with one arm. Cassidy had done what countless other lawyers had failed to do, made Mr. Fodrey nervous.

"My line of dialogue goes here in a new paragraph," said Fodrey.

(This editor tweaked awkward sentence structure. She's hardwired for that sort of thing. :) )
 

Sarahrizz

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Thank you both. I kind of write how it sounds, and I know when I'm done I'll need a beta reader with a very fine tipped red pen to go through all my grammar. Thanks for the help with the current section.