My writing is very thin....

satyesu said:

The SYW forum apparently disallows drafts, so I can't share specifics, but I've gotten to a point in my story that I had intended to be the second chapter, and I'm less than 4,000 words in! I think my writing is too sparse, but I'm not sure what it's missing. I'm trying to include setting descriptions and character movement, but it's minimal because I don't want to include irrelevant information. What am I doing wrong?

If it helps, here's roughly the first half of my plot: https://bubbl.us/MTQxODAzNS85OTkzND..._source=shared-link&utm_medium=link&s=9993408

Click to expand...

You can post in SYW with a disclaimer at the top saying it's a draft and that you're just looking for general feedback on whether or not your writing is too sparse. You could post your first thousand words, for example, and see what folks think. (Looking at an outline won't help people answer your question about "thin" writing.)

All the best,
Riv

You're not doing anything wrong per se. I'm an underwriter which means that my first drafts are normally on the small side because I need to get the story out of the way first. Once I have the skeleton on paper my first edit is to go through the story and see where I need to add meat to the bones, develop scenes further, add dialogues, etc... so the word count increases on subsequent edits.

I hope this helps.

BTW SYW doesn't disallow drafts but posting a 1st draft is not recommended because they are normally too rough.If I were you I'll crack on with my first draft and wait for feedback until later.

satyesu said:

The SYW forum apparently disallows drafts, so I can't share specifics, but I've gotten to a point in my story that I had intended to be the second chapter, and I'm less than 4,000 words in! I think my writing is too sparse, but I'm not sure what it's missing. I'm trying to include setting descriptions and character movement, but it's minimal because I don't want to include irrelevant information. What am I doing wrong?

Click to expand...

My guess is that you are not including reflection, thought, interiority, context.

Here's a paragraph from near the beginning of Harry Potter (chosen because it seems everyone has read it, so I assume this includes you) that includes setting and movement, which you say, but it also includes interiority, reflection, processing, etc, and I've marked some of that in blue. The blue bits are not setting, nor are they movements. They are Mr. Dursley trying to figure stuff out.

I bet this is why your writing feels thin--you aren't contextualizing the inner life of the characters for the reader. And part of you recognizes it.

At half past eight, Mr. Dursley picked up his briefcase, pecked Mrs.
Dursley on the cheek, and tried to kiss Dudley good-bye but missed,
because Dudley was now having a tantrum and throwing his cereal at the
walls. "Little tyke," chortled Mr. Dursley as he left the house. He got
into his car and backed out of number four's drive.
It was on the corner of the street that he noticed the first sign of
something peculiar — a cat reading a map. For a second, Mr. Dursley
didn't realize what he had seen — then he jerked his head around to
look again. There was a tabby cat standing on the corner of Privet
Drive, but there wasn't a map in sight. What could he have been thinking
of? It must have been a trick of the light. Mr. Dursley blinked and
stared at the cat. It stared back. As Mr. Dursley drove around the
corner and up the road, he watched the cat in his mirror. It was now
reading the sign that said Privet Drive — no, looking at the sign; cats
couldn't read maps or signs. Mr. Dursley gave himself a little shake and
put the cat out of his mind. As he drove toward town he thought of
nothing except a large order of drills he was hoping to get that day.

Click to expand...

FTR: 4000 words and into chapter 2 is OK though, in terms of metrics. Chapter length is variable in novels..

satyesu said:

The SYW forum apparently disallows drafts, so I can't share specifics, but I've gotten to a point in my story that I had intended to be the second chapter, and I'm less than 4,000 words in! I think my writing is too sparse, but I'm not sure what it's missing. I'm trying to include setting descriptions and character movement, but it's minimal because I don't want to include irrelevant information. What am I doing wrong?

Click to expand...

Everyone is posting drafts; what they aren't posting are rough drafts.

Go ahead an post in SYW if you've done your diligence in terms of spelling and grammar issues; we all miss a few, but it's not OK to post when the piece clearly needs basic proofing.

What is your projected word count and number of chapters? A 4K word first chapter isn't a bad thing at all... unless your entire novel turns out to only have five chapters. Of course, even that depends on your genre and the type of book you are writing.

My WIP has 27 chapters that vary in length from 3600 to 4000 words (first draft). I like them that length because IMO that's an easily chewable bite for my readers.

Some authors deliberately write thin and quick to get their story down, then go back and add more substance later. Others (like me) write on the fat side, then edit the work down to be more succinct.

If it helps, think of your first draft as a pencil sketch. When you have all the lines in, then you go back and add the details. Like sure, maybe you said something was "red" but maybe it was also a lot of other things, or red in a way that you can elaborate on. Then there are all sorts of internal reactions and stuff that we often gloss over, and not just in the main character(s) but those around them. Even if you're not in the other characters' heads, you can still show their emotions, etc. Every thing can be described. Did you just say a noun? Tell us about the noun a bit.
Of course, none of this may be your problem, I'm just sharing what is usually MY problem. I write "he said this and then he did this and then they went to the place and then they did this..." and leave out everything that's not absolutely essential to the plot, in terms of describing stuff. And lets not forget it's not just the visual descriptions, either. What are the smells, textures, the weather, the sounds, etc., etc. ?
There's padding for the sake of padding, and then there's remembering that what you see in your head is only a fraction of what you're writing down, and that unless you write it down, no one else will ever know what's in your head to fully understand the story you want to tell.

If it makes you feel any better, I have the same problem too. I'm frantically outline my novel and feeling like it's going to end up too short. The only way to find out is to write it. As Stytch said, when you edit it, you can go back and add in as much as you want.

Draftiness is welcome in SYW