3rd person limited and knowledge of the environment.

WillST · Jun 14, 2019

Although I have not set any deliberate parameters for my WIP, readers would perceive it as 3rd person limited, perhaps even deep limited.

Given that it might be read as deep limited and that the main character is a child, I have been considering how this could impact readers’ perspectives on environmental descriptions.

Deep limited was not a deliberate stylistic choice - I just wanted to zoom in at times to highlight motivation - so I don’t think I should get too fussy about throwaway but concise descriptions like, “the sun disappeared behind the western hills”, if the MC would not have such directional knowledge.

What do AWers think?

Bufty · Jun 14, 2019

All depends upon the execution. I wouldn't get too hung up on degrees of depth of POV. It's either an effective POV or it isn't.

There's a subtle difference between a narrator comment and a POV character's observation.

You don't mention how old the child is - I would have thought the sun setting in the west is known pretty early on in life. Not sure about the specific phrasing.

WillST said:
Although I have not set any deliberate parameters for my WIP, readers would perceive it as 3rd person limited, perhaps even deep limited.

Given that it might be read as deep limited and that the main character is a child, I have been considering how this could impact readers’ perspectives on environmental descriptions.

Deep limited was not a deliberate stylistic choice - I just wanted to zoom in at times to highlight motivation - so I don’t think I should get too fussy about throwaway but concise descriptions like, “the sun disappeared behind the western hills”, if the MC would not have such directional knowledge.

What do AWers think?

pingle · Jun 14, 2019

Deep limited, then yeah, western hills would strike me as odd for a child. But you can zoom in and out if you want there to be adult voice, if there's enough back and forth I would come to expect it.

I'm not sure I would worry too much though unless you're at the revision stage. The example you gave is easy enough to change to sound more childlike. A big part of revision for me is going through and making sure the thoughts and observations are feasibly those of my MC and editing out the narrator like parts.

Kat M · Jun 14, 2019

Seconding Pingle: if you're drafting, don't worry right now.

If you're revising, try asking yourself what your character calls those hills?

When I was a kid, I knew my directions because my mom taught me. But I also knew that the western hills in my hometown were called the Olympics, so I'd think about the sun setting over the Olympics. When I was even younger, I didn't know how geography worked, so I assumed those mountains were Japan!

Salaha Kleb · Jun 14, 2019

If this helps: You can always give it a magical touch; children regard things differently, more vivid and fantastic.

Ari Meermans · Jun 14, 2019

Bufty said:
All depends upon the execution. I wouldn't get too hung up on degrees of depth of POV. It's either an effective POV or it isn't.

There's a subtle difference between a narrator comment and a POV character's observation.

You don't mention how old the child is - I would have thought the sun setting in the west is known pretty early on in life. Not sure about the specific phrasing.

I'm gonna second Bufty. Also, there are factors besides age to consider. For instance, even if the child is quite young—oh, say, as young as four years old—and this is the child's normal environment, if the adults refer to the hills as "the western hills", the child will think of them that way, as well. It will be a name to the child rather than a compass point. (We fine-tune our language skills as we grow older.)

BethS · Jun 14, 2019

WillST said:
Deep limited was not a deliberate stylistic choice - I just wanted to zoom in at times to highlight motivation - so I don’t think I should get too fussy about throwaway but concise descriptions like, “the sun disappeared behind the western hills”, if the MC would not have such directional knowledge.

Phraseology like that would sound odd coming from the mind of a child. Fwiw, it would give me the impression that an omniscient narrator was present.

Azdaphel · Jun 15, 2019

There is a short story from Arthur Machen called The White People. Most of it is a book written by a young girl. It's first POV, but it can give you a good example on how a child or a young teen barely leaving childhood would see and describe events and her environnement.

3rd person limited and knowledge of the environment.

WillST

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

pingle

Kat M

Ooh, look! String!

Salaha Kleb

Ari Meermans

MacAllister's Official Minion & Greeter

BethS

Azdaphel