Blurb isn't catchy enough?

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Laurel Quinn

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I've been told that my blurb (the description on the back of the paperback/the online description online) isn't catchy enough, 'reads like a book report', and that there are 'glaring grammatical errors' within. Any critique is appreciated, truly. It's already on Amazon, and now that my sales have plateaued, I'd like to bump it up and re-release it with a brighter cover and irresistible blurb.

Here's the original:

After impulsively touching a stone tunnel nestled deep inside of an ancient tree, Meira and her beloved dog, Phineas, quickly realize they’re not in Chicago anymore. Accepting help from Adam, the mysterious, magically-inclined man Meira can’t seem to take her eyes off of, together they seek safety and a way to return home again. After realizing that the magic of the land is in danger of being extinguished, they meet a small party fleeing the Dark Queen, one of which is a young woman seeking a cure for the curse bestowed on her by the Dark Queen, whom she calls Mother.
As Meira’s own newly-discovered magic flourishes into a uniquely impermeable shield, she wrestles with the magnetic attraction she has toward Adam against her desire to return home to safety.
Meira realizes that as the only one able to destroy the darkest evil in recorded history, she probably isn’t going to survive the fight. Willingly headed into what she knows will be a most-certain death, will she sacrifice herself to destroy the darkness, saving Adam, Phineas, and the strangers she’s come to call friends, in a world she doesn’t belong in?


Thanks in advance!!!
~Laurel
 

mrsmig

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You're not allowed to post for crit at AW until you've accrued 50+ substantive posts, so don't be surprised if a mod comes along shortly to close this thread.

It shouldn't take long for you to build up those fifty posts - cruise around the forum, engage with other members, and stop by the password-protected Share Your Work subforum (password is "vista") to get an idea how the crit system here works (be sure to read the stickies). When you've accrued your fifty posts, that's the place where you can start a new hread for crit. And you can also stop by the New Members subforum and start a thread introducing yourself. You'll get a proper welcome from a mod, and a bunch of links to help you navigate the site.

Welcome to AW!

ETA: I see you posted a New Member intro back in February. Be sure to read the links Moderator regdog provided.
 
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