Past tense or past perfect tense in this sentence?

stardustx · Apr 30, 2019

I'm writing a little flashback that explains how a character came to a decision. At the end of the flashback, I have a sentence that explains the father agreed to the character's decision, but the event of the father agreeing happens at a later time after the character had already made the decision.

I'm not sure what verb tense/verb phrasing I should use for this particular sentence.

Here's a sample, followed by the particular sentence:

She'd thought it sounded pretty, so she'd always remembered it.

The sentence in particular:

And then, when the time had come, her father had agreed it sounded lovely.

Or should the sentence be:

...when the time came, her father had agreed.

I'm confusing myself. What verb phrasing is correct?

ironmikezero · Apr 30, 2019

Ah, slight confusion bordering upon a touch of awkwardness . . . Perhaps not technically incorrect, but might I suggest a rewrite?

At the time, she thought it sounded pretty; later, her father agreed.

stardustx · Apr 30, 2019

The sentence does sound kind of awkward, doesn't it? I think it would be easier (both easier to write and simply easier to understand) if I just rewrite it.

Thanks!

screenscope · Apr 30, 2019

Or,

Eventually, her father agreed.

Chase · May 1, 2019

stardustx said:
And then, when the time had come, her father had agreed it sounded lovely.

Or should the sentence be:

...when the time came, her father had agreed.

Both your original and revised sentence are correct. However, for novels, the revision is better for one less "had." Your wording shows the action happened in a past farther than simple past tense, so you really don't need the past-perfect form--or at least so much of it.

One sentence isn't enough to judge what may be an ongoing annoyance, but as Ironmike and Screenscope imply, losing "hads" altogether usually make for better wording in novels.

benacrow · May 23, 2019

stardustx said:
She'd thought it sounded pretty, so she'd always remembered it.

And then, when the time had come, her father had agreed it sounded lovely.

...when the time came, her father had agreed.

In general, those combination of sentences just sound a bit awkward and wordy. I'm not sure the context directly before these sentences, but I would change it to read:

She thought it had sounded pretty, so she'd remembered it ever since. And when the time came, her father agreed.

Not sure if there's anything that goes in between, but it might not hurt to add another sentence between those two with a bit more detail (unless it's already explained earlier). I'd only add the 'had agreed' if the 'when the time came' is also in the past.

Past tense or past perfect tense in this sentence?

stardustx

Dreaming about fictional characters

ironmikezero

practical experience, FTW

stardustx

Dreaming about fictional characters

screenscope

Chase

It Takes All of Us to End Racism

benacrow