Bumping into someone? Horrible character introduction???

I feel like this is terribly cliche. I always come out loving the scenes I write introducing this character, but I've realized that every scene ends up involving the MC and said character running into each other. Is this just me? Am I the only one that finds this a terribly lazy way to introduce a character? I don't find myself to be lazy with plot lines or character introductions, and the scenes I've written involving the two are supposed to be embarrassing for the MC, as this character always sees her in distressed states before they actually get to know each other. Overall, I'd just like to know if this comes off as cliche. Thanks for your input!

Sage said:

First of all, what do you mean by "bumping into each other"?

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I apologize for not explaining further, I thought the meaning was obvious. I meant physically running into each other. Somewhat dramatically in the scene I currently have in place.

Brightdreamer said:

If it does the job, it does the job. Don't overthink it - especially not on a first draft, and most especially if overthinking this is keeping you from proceeding/giving you an excuse to stop.

As for whether it comes across as cliche... that's impossible to say without seeing the story itself. What sounds cliche in a quick summary may play out well in actual writing, and vice versa. Again, don't trip yourself up, especially on a first draft, fretting over things that can (and probably will) change in revision.

If all else fails, leave a placeholder note and jump ahead; maybe you can work backwards from a future point to find a good way for your characters to meet.

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Thanks for your input, it was very encouraging. I use lots placeholders. My edits and revisions are somewhat messy, so these tend to be necessary.

I'll eventually post the scene in SYW once I hit the 50 post requirement, because I'd love to get fresh eyes on it. (I just posted the first 200 words in the "Hook me in 200 words" thread in YA, if you'd like to take a peek, it's not about this crash-into scene in question, but it'll give you a brief idea of my writing style/tone of the novel).

I've got a good idea of the plot, and I'm trucking along with it. Mostly, I just wanted to feel out others here to see how they felt about the "dramatic crash-into" trope. Like you said, it may evolve into something different as the story is written.

mccardey said:

do you mean actually, literally, physically bumping into each other? Not like both being at the library at the same time by chance and saying hello etc, but actually stepping into each other’s space? Knocking limbs and things? I would feel quite safe saying that that should be kept to a minimum. But still - a placeholder note is your friend at this stage. Put a pin in it and move on...

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Yes, the actual, literal, physical bumping into someone lol. I'd flown right on past it, getting on to writing other scenes. Every time I read it, while I liked the scene, something just didn't feel right about they way they were meeting. I kept rewriting it. Obtusely, I wasn't noticing the glaringly obvious trope I was using to introduce the character. It will most likely evolve, I just haven't found the right way to do that yet. Just wanted to get other opinions on it. Thanks for your input! *pin placed, and moving on*

Elenitsa said:

Sometimes this work. For neighbours, or so, to get to know each other. In one of my novels I have a teen run after the bus (and miss it) and another getting out of a shop, with a bag in her hand, and they bump into each other (because the running one was looking at the bus, not expecting her to get into his way) and the apples spread on the road. It is a comic way to meet a neighbour... and to realize he lives in the same block.

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Yes! I'm hoping it will work, because I do like the scene. Mine's not so much comical as it is embarrassing for the MC, she's in quite a bit of distress before the run-in. The male character, seems bewildered and a bit confused, but not flustered as she is. He's more unaffected by the encounter. Their emotional states here are definitely representative of their personalities throughout the novel, so it lines up well with what I'm trying to achieve. Hopefully, once I have it ready for an SYW post, other readers/critiquers will agree that it works. If not, I have no problem solving the puzzle and finding a new way for them to meet (I've already started working on a few different scenarios, in the event that their initial meeting is not well received).

Thanks so much for your input!

Lakey said:

I don’t read very much YA so take this with a grain of salt, but I think this could work and be cute if it’s handled well, acknowledged as part of the story, and doesn’t happen more than, say, three times. It can be spun into a nice bit of characterization for both characters. For instance I can imagine the more flusterable of the two characters scrambling to pick up books and papers or whatever, the second or third time it happens, and the cooler-headed of the two saying something like “we have to stop meeting like this!” It could be cute!

I am assuming here that two are students in the same school or are otherwise in a closed environment where it’s likely they will see one another often. If they just happen to smack into one another on the streets of New York City, that might strain credulity a little further.

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This only happens once, but their emotional states during the run-in are definitely representative of their personalities throughout the book. The MC is in distress before the run in, so it's much more embarrassing for her to be seen in such a state, and the collision is her fault, which makes her feel foolish, because she's running in school, down a set of stairs to find a bathroom in the basement level for some privacy while she calms down. The male character she runs into is a bit out of sorts, but he's not as affected by the situation, more so curious as to what is going on for her to be running and in such a state of disarray.

They do go to school together, or so she thinks by his continued presence there (she later finds out the true reason she keeps running into him) and their other encounters all kind of parallel with this general idea, her in some sort of mess, him level headed and calm.

I'm hoping other readers will agree it works, once it's ready for an SYW post, but if not, I have some other ideas for their first introduction if other critiquers disagree.

Thanks so much for your input! I'm excited to share it in more length!

pingle said:

I recently critiqued a chapter (not on here) that had two characters that already knew each other literally bumping into each other, and imo it didn't work as it felt unrealistic (huge crowd, only people that collide were those two), and also wasn't necessary as one could have just spotted the other and shouted out 'hi!'. But reading above I can see how it could potentially work. As always, depends on how you write it.

Though I must admit, I've never full on bumped into anyone, so for it to happen repeatedly... Hmm, I would worry about the realism.

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I can see how that wouldn't be believable for the reader. I'm hoping mines a bit more realistic.

Being the klutzy, daydreamer that I am, I have run into my fair share of people. So, from personal experience, I didn't find this an unbelievable scene, and having so much unintentional practice in how these scenarios usually play out, I'm hoping it will come off as realistic to other readers.

The MC is in a stressful situation when the run-in happens, so while she's not daydreaming, she's definitely too caught up in her own world to be cognizant of what's going on around her. That and the fact that this particular stairwell in which the collision occurs, isn't usually over-populated with students (which was her exact reasoning for choosing it, as she was trying to get to a vacant bathroom without being seen crying). She wasn't expecting to run in to anyone, as class was in session, and students usually choose one of the other 3 stairwells, as they lead more quickly to the main parts of the school, which usually generates more traffic.

Anyways! Thank you for reading my piece! I appreciate the feedback

Lakey said:

Hahaha I totally misunderstood you. You talked about writing multiple scenes and said “every scene” so I thought you meant it happens multiple times. But when I read it over with the above in mind, I can see that maybe you meant you were writing different versions of the introduction of this character, not a bunch of different scenes that were all intended to stay in the story.



Wait, what? Does it happen once or multiple times? Or this time, do you not mean it literally?

Anyway, if it only happens once, I don’t think you have anything at all to worry about, except executing it well, and that’s always true regardless. But as I said above, even if it happens multiple times I still think it’s doable.

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Yes, you're first bit was exactly what I meant. But the quote you put in bold, I didn't mean it literally that time. Haha now I see why everyone was a bit confused by my explanation, ugh.

WeaselFire said:

You and two thirds of the writers doing scripts for The Hallmark Channel.

Jeff

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Thanks for your input. Hallmark-type manuscripts are definitely not what I'm going for.