Hello everyone!
I'm looking for a beta reader for my 85k superhero sci-fi novel. I've included below a (very rough) draft of my query letter, as well as a short snippet of my writing to see if you like my style.
I'm searching for feedback on the macro-level (plot, characters, setting...). I'm not looking for someone to do a line-by-line, at least not for now.
I'm willing to swap, however please note that I don't read the genres below, and thus don't feel like I'd be the best person to give you useful feedback.
Genre I don't read: Horror, MG, Thriller, High fantasy, Romance (except for historical romances, my guilty pleasure
)
Favorite genres: anything YA, urban fantasy, light-on-the-science sci-fi, dystopia, historical romances, some PNR
Please PM me if you're interested!
Query Letter/Summary:
In a world where part of the Earth's population developed superpowers, Danielle is created by a genetics lab with the ability to steal those powers, an ability that condemns her victims to an unending coma. While escaping from the lab that kept her prisoner since birth, Danielle unwittingly uses her power on James, her childhood friend and the only person who has ever loved her.
Danielle seeks refuge in Olympia, a city where people with powers have been segregated by the government. Her days are spent taking care of a comatose James, while trying to find a way to reverse the damage her power has wrought.
Her chance comes when Hades, a black-market dealer, gives her a way to help James, in exchange for her skills as a thief. Hades wants her to steal a mysterious object from Celestia, home to the Eternal Phoenix, ruler and protector of Olympia. When she finds herself embroiled in a plot to take him down, Danielle must decide how far she’s willing to go, and how many people she’s willing to hurt, in her quest to save James.
Excerpt:
PROLOGUE
TWENTY SEVEN YEARS AGO
When the radio host started reporting the apparition of what he could only describe as holes in space, Isabelle switched the channel to the classical music she favored with an annoyed huff. Emilia’s contractions were now only a few minutes apart, and getting more painful. The baby was coming, and Isabelle was getting tenser by the second.
It was only when the dimensional rift opened in the middle of their living room that Isabelle made the link. Holes in space indeed, she thought. What a bunch of primitives.
“She found us, didn’t she,” Emilia said, pressing a hand against her pregnant belly, her face creasing in worry.
Isabelle continued laying out towels around Emilia, the grim lines of her mouth answer enough.
She’d been confident she’d hidden the blueprints to her inter-dimensional machine well enough. Really, she should have destroyed all of it when they fled, but Isabelle hadn’t been able to bring herself to throw away years of her work, and now the Empress was using it to come after them.
Emilia’s next words were cut off as the contraction stole what little breath she had. Isabelle took Emilia’s hand, murmuring encouragements, letting her squeeze her hand so hard she felt her bones grind.
Isabelle glanced at the rift. It was barely wider than her finger, far from forming a Gateway between their two dimensions. Emilia’s Gift had powered the machine when they’d opened a bridge to this world the first time around. She doubted the Empress had found another Royal to volunteer for the task, and she certainly wouldn’t stoop to doing it herself.
At least one thing was going right. It gave Isabelle some time to figure out how to get Emilia and her baby to safety. Isabelle had never been prouder than when she’d been named Emilia’s First Knight. Protecting Emilia was more than her sworn duty—it was the only thing that gave her life meaning.
Failing her was unthinkable.
Things would be so much easier if she had her Gift back. She’d never missed it as much as she did in that moment.
Emilia let out another yell, forcing Isabelle’s attention back to her. The baby didn’t seem to care about their predicament. It was ready to come out now, impending danger or not.
“Isabelle?” Emilia said. She sounded confused, her eyes darting around the room.
Isabelle dried her sweaty forehead. “I’m here, my Lady.”
“Something— something’s happening. I—”
Emilia’s head snapped back, her body lifting from the bed and growing taunt. Exactly like it did when she was in the throes of a vision.
Isabelle staggered back. Impossible. She’d chosen this world specifically because it was devoid of Nethracium.
The moment Isabelle and Emilia had stepped into this dimension, they’d been cut off from their Gifts. And yet, Emilia’s eyes were glowing gold, her hair floating around her head, her precognition undeniably back.
Isabelle glanced at the rifts, her mind churning. The rifts could be serving as a conduit, transferring Nethracium from their home dimension into this one.
It would take some time before Isabelle could feel the return of her Gift, but Emilia was a Royal. Her body absorbed Nethracium at an accelerated rate.
Emilia’s body hit the bed, the vision done. Her eyes fluttered open.
“What did you see, my Lady?” Isabelle asked.
Emilia’s dazed eyes slowly focused on her. “The baby. It’s coming.”
Isabelle’s eyes widened. When they’d decide it would be prudent for Emilia to have a home birth, the decision had been purely academic. Now that she was faced with the reality of it, Isabelle couldn’t help the feeling of panic and dread filling her mind.
She pushed it back. She couldn’t allow her emotions to cloud her thinking. Emilia counted on her.
The next hours were a blur. Isabelle pushed everything else from her mind. The baby was the only thing that mattered. The baby was the reason they’d fled from the Empress and hidden in this godforsaken world in the first place.
The baby’s first cry filled the air. Isabelle cradled the fragile body between her hands as gently as she could. Her fingers fumbled with the sterile knife she’d put aside for the umbilical cord.
“It’s a boy,” she said. He had Emilia’s green eyes.
Her hands were shaking as she swaddled the baby in a clean towel. Beyond that first cry, he’d been utterly silent.
Isabelle placed the infant carefully in his mother’s arm. A radiant smile wiped the exhaustion from Emilia’s face. She pressed her lips against his forehead. “My sweet boy. Harrison. My little phoenix.”
Isabelle sat back on her haunches and scrubbed her hands clean on a towel. Her mind was already miles ahead, making plans and discarding them.
The rifts had allowed Nethracium into a world that wasn’t ready for it. It would change everything. But as fascinating as the ramifications of that were, it wasn’t Isabelle’s most pressing problem.
If Nethracium had leaked into this world, then whoever the Empress sent after them would have access to their power. On the other hand, she would have her space bending back, which was bound to make hiding them easier.
Isabelle braced herself. “We need to get you to safety.”
“It’s all right, Isabelle,” Emilia said, her eyes never leaving the little boy. “She didn’t find us.”
“What do you mean?”
“She’s not the one doing this,” she said. “He is.”
Isabelle stared at the baby fearfully. When they’d left their home world, Emilia had been at the end of her third month. His organism couldn’t
have possibly had time to absorb enough Nethracium to develop a Gift.
The baby cried out, and the world around them shook.
“It’s all right, Isabelle. The end is coming.”
A screaming headache burst from the base of her skull to her temples. Isabelle clutched her head, biting her tongue to keep from screaming. The pain intensified as the very air around them started vibrating.
The pain spread to her whole body. Isabelle fell to her knees, folding over as she tried not to scream in agony.
Emilia.
She dragged herself up to look at the bed. Neither Emilia nor the baby seemed to be in pain. They were looking at each other, captivated by something only they could see.
Isabelle finally made out the whispered litany Emilia was repeating. “It’s all right, my love. Mama forgives you. Mama loves you so much. It’s all right.”
A high pitched sound nearly burst her eardrums. It sounded like the very earth itself was screeching.
Isabelle’s whole body was on fire. As she screamed, the last thing she saw was the baby’s small body bursting into flames.
Emilia was still smiling when she burnt down to ash.
I'm looking for a beta reader for my 85k superhero sci-fi novel. I've included below a (very rough) draft of my query letter, as well as a short snippet of my writing to see if you like my style.
I'm searching for feedback on the macro-level (plot, characters, setting...). I'm not looking for someone to do a line-by-line, at least not for now.
I'm willing to swap, however please note that I don't read the genres below, and thus don't feel like I'd be the best person to give you useful feedback.
Genre I don't read: Horror, MG, Thriller, High fantasy, Romance (except for historical romances, my guilty pleasure
)Favorite genres: anything YA, urban fantasy, light-on-the-science sci-fi, dystopia, historical romances, some PNR
Please PM me if you're interested!
Query Letter/Summary:
In a world where part of the Earth's population developed superpowers, Danielle is created by a genetics lab with the ability to steal those powers, an ability that condemns her victims to an unending coma. While escaping from the lab that kept her prisoner since birth, Danielle unwittingly uses her power on James, her childhood friend and the only person who has ever loved her.
Danielle seeks refuge in Olympia, a city where people with powers have been segregated by the government. Her days are spent taking care of a comatose James, while trying to find a way to reverse the damage her power has wrought.
Her chance comes when Hades, a black-market dealer, gives her a way to help James, in exchange for her skills as a thief. Hades wants her to steal a mysterious object from Celestia, home to the Eternal Phoenix, ruler and protector of Olympia. When she finds herself embroiled in a plot to take him down, Danielle must decide how far she’s willing to go, and how many people she’s willing to hurt, in her quest to save James.
Excerpt:
PROLOGUE
TWENTY SEVEN YEARS AGO
When the radio host started reporting the apparition of what he could only describe as holes in space, Isabelle switched the channel to the classical music she favored with an annoyed huff. Emilia’s contractions were now only a few minutes apart, and getting more painful. The baby was coming, and Isabelle was getting tenser by the second.
It was only when the dimensional rift opened in the middle of their living room that Isabelle made the link. Holes in space indeed, she thought. What a bunch of primitives.
“She found us, didn’t she,” Emilia said, pressing a hand against her pregnant belly, her face creasing in worry.
Isabelle continued laying out towels around Emilia, the grim lines of her mouth answer enough.
She’d been confident she’d hidden the blueprints to her inter-dimensional machine well enough. Really, she should have destroyed all of it when they fled, but Isabelle hadn’t been able to bring herself to throw away years of her work, and now the Empress was using it to come after them.
Emilia’s next words were cut off as the contraction stole what little breath she had. Isabelle took Emilia’s hand, murmuring encouragements, letting her squeeze her hand so hard she felt her bones grind.
Isabelle glanced at the rift. It was barely wider than her finger, far from forming a Gateway between their two dimensions. Emilia’s Gift had powered the machine when they’d opened a bridge to this world the first time around. She doubted the Empress had found another Royal to volunteer for the task, and she certainly wouldn’t stoop to doing it herself.
At least one thing was going right. It gave Isabelle some time to figure out how to get Emilia and her baby to safety. Isabelle had never been prouder than when she’d been named Emilia’s First Knight. Protecting Emilia was more than her sworn duty—it was the only thing that gave her life meaning.
Failing her was unthinkable.
Things would be so much easier if she had her Gift back. She’d never missed it as much as she did in that moment.
Emilia let out another yell, forcing Isabelle’s attention back to her. The baby didn’t seem to care about their predicament. It was ready to come out now, impending danger or not.
“Isabelle?” Emilia said. She sounded confused, her eyes darting around the room.
Isabelle dried her sweaty forehead. “I’m here, my Lady.”
“Something— something’s happening. I—”
Emilia’s head snapped back, her body lifting from the bed and growing taunt. Exactly like it did when she was in the throes of a vision.
Isabelle staggered back. Impossible. She’d chosen this world specifically because it was devoid of Nethracium.
The moment Isabelle and Emilia had stepped into this dimension, they’d been cut off from their Gifts. And yet, Emilia’s eyes were glowing gold, her hair floating around her head, her precognition undeniably back.
Isabelle glanced at the rifts, her mind churning. The rifts could be serving as a conduit, transferring Nethracium from their home dimension into this one.
It would take some time before Isabelle could feel the return of her Gift, but Emilia was a Royal. Her body absorbed Nethracium at an accelerated rate.
Emilia’s body hit the bed, the vision done. Her eyes fluttered open.
“What did you see, my Lady?” Isabelle asked.
Emilia’s dazed eyes slowly focused on her. “The baby. It’s coming.”
Isabelle’s eyes widened. When they’d decide it would be prudent for Emilia to have a home birth, the decision had been purely academic. Now that she was faced with the reality of it, Isabelle couldn’t help the feeling of panic and dread filling her mind.
She pushed it back. She couldn’t allow her emotions to cloud her thinking. Emilia counted on her.
The next hours were a blur. Isabelle pushed everything else from her mind. The baby was the only thing that mattered. The baby was the reason they’d fled from the Empress and hidden in this godforsaken world in the first place.
The baby’s first cry filled the air. Isabelle cradled the fragile body between her hands as gently as she could. Her fingers fumbled with the sterile knife she’d put aside for the umbilical cord.
“It’s a boy,” she said. He had Emilia’s green eyes.
Her hands were shaking as she swaddled the baby in a clean towel. Beyond that first cry, he’d been utterly silent.
Isabelle placed the infant carefully in his mother’s arm. A radiant smile wiped the exhaustion from Emilia’s face. She pressed her lips against his forehead. “My sweet boy. Harrison. My little phoenix.”
Isabelle sat back on her haunches and scrubbed her hands clean on a towel. Her mind was already miles ahead, making plans and discarding them.
The rifts had allowed Nethracium into a world that wasn’t ready for it. It would change everything. But as fascinating as the ramifications of that were, it wasn’t Isabelle’s most pressing problem.
If Nethracium had leaked into this world, then whoever the Empress sent after them would have access to their power. On the other hand, she would have her space bending back, which was bound to make hiding them easier.
Isabelle braced herself. “We need to get you to safety.”
“It’s all right, Isabelle,” Emilia said, her eyes never leaving the little boy. “She didn’t find us.”
“What do you mean?”
“She’s not the one doing this,” she said. “He is.”
Isabelle stared at the baby fearfully. When they’d left their home world, Emilia had been at the end of her third month. His organism couldn’t
have possibly had time to absorb enough Nethracium to develop a Gift.
The baby cried out, and the world around them shook.
“It’s all right, Isabelle. The end is coming.”
A screaming headache burst from the base of her skull to her temples. Isabelle clutched her head, biting her tongue to keep from screaming. The pain intensified as the very air around them started vibrating.
The pain spread to her whole body. Isabelle fell to her knees, folding over as she tried not to scream in agony.
Emilia.
She dragged herself up to look at the bed. Neither Emilia nor the baby seemed to be in pain. They were looking at each other, captivated by something only they could see.
Isabelle finally made out the whispered litany Emilia was repeating. “It’s all right, my love. Mama forgives you. Mama loves you so much. It’s all right.”
A high pitched sound nearly burst her eardrums. It sounded like the very earth itself was screeching.
Isabelle’s whole body was on fire. As she screamed, the last thing she saw was the baby’s small body bursting into flames.
Emilia was still smiling when she burnt down to ash.
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