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How to get over fear of failure?

Another User

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An apology if the question sounds like a noob, but it's something that I deal with constantly.

I constantly question myself "what if no one likes my story?" I really don't want to waste time. I don't know if all the effort would be worth my time.

I watch a lot of movie reviews on Youtube. There are some filmmakers who put plenty of effort into their films, and yet their films still end up being the butt of the jokes among the Youtubers and their commenters. My worst fear is that my story will end up in one of the mocking Youtube videos.

I'm still writing. Just that the fear is constantly eating me and it gives me no peace.
 

Ari Meermans

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Pretty much anything I could say would sound like a platitude, so I'll at least try not to go in that direction. I will say that if "no one" likes your story, then you've set a world's record—that alone is an accomplishment—because every story ever told has someone who liked it for one reason or another. Most of us worry that not enough people will like our writing. But, so what? That's common enough. And as for not wanting to be mocked or held up to ridicule, well you know none of us like that. What's the net effect, though? Our self-esteem takes a hit . . . can't dwell on it, though. There's too much life to be lived to avoid taking risks because of it. And if you let fear of other people's judgment stop you, well that's the failure you should be afraid of 'cause it's the only real failure you're facing.

Those people you see mocking films: Who are they? Have they done better? Where's their evidence of having done so? Has it occurred to you that they can't do better? That it's possible they're jealous of someone who was willing to create something and put it out there when they know they can't? Or maybe they're hoping to be perceived as clever. Trying to be clever at someone else's expense is an azzhole move and most people recognize it for what it is. Yeah, it typically backfires. Pity them.
 
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CathleenT

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I can't tell you how to make the fear go away--I haven't been able to make that happen myself. So, it comes down to the kind of person you are on how to deal with it.

I have a truly impressive stubborn streak. I'm not going to let the people who put that fear in me win. But that's what works for me.

Something will work for you, enough to let you keep fighting it. My advice would be to figure out what that is and keep it front and center. Cognitive dissonance is great if you can harness it. Things like, "No, I might fail, but I WON'T QUIT."

If it helps, when you start to gain some skills, it's wonderful reading reviews. So many people say lovely things about my work. Maybe that would sort of counterbalance the fear of criticism.
 
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Ari Meermans

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The fear never completely goes away; at best you grow a hard outer shell and it can be done. All you need to start with is just a smidgeon of belief in yourself and in the stories only you can tell. You'll get those good reviews and those compliments and each one will outweigh any number of negative criticisms.
 

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All movies and stories can have it's own flaws. Even the Disney films weren't perfect. Some people have their own opinions on why Harry Potter sucks.

However figure out why you want to write this story. Don't directly compare it to other novels or filma but instead ask yourself why the story matters to you?

For example, the novel I have been working on is my own interpretation why magic isn't real. Sure there are many reasons why out there in the novel universe but my interpretation is my own unique thoughts.

It's like even romance movies are different then others although it's typically about the same thing... love.

So write the novel you are writing and don't let fear of failure control you!
 
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WilkinsonMJ

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I think it's important to remember that if you like your story then it's a solid bet that someone else will too. Write what's important to you, use what you know and above all create characters that are likeable but flawed. I think even the weakest story can be saved if the characters work and are portrayed well. Keep pushing and writing and soon you'll be able to ignore that voice that doubts you (Though as others have said it never vanishes completely but perhaps that's for the best lest we grow too bold).
 

EvilPenguin

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I've gone through moments of experiencing both the fear of failure and the fear of success (because, ya know, what if people actually DO end up liking the book and then I have to leave my house and talk to people and what if I can never write a book as good as the one the people like, etc.)

I still suffer from days where one of these fears hits me like a train, but over the years, I think I've learned to try to ignore the fears. I've gone through a lot of ups and downs (mostly downs) when it comes to writing, but I've accepted the fact that I'm never going to stop writing. I LOVE telling stories. I LOVE creating fantastical lands and weird characters. There have been a few times when I felt like such a failure that I vowed to give up on writing and try to pursue something more financially stable, but after a few months of not writing, an idea would pop into my head and I'd crack open a notebook and start planning something.

Do I want to be a published author? Absolutely. Am I terrified that it will never happen/that I'll never be good enough? Heck yes. But am I ever going to give up on writing? Nope.

It's natural to feel fear. What matters is that you don't let that fear consume you. Acknowledge it. Take a few deep breaths. Kick that fear in the butt. Then get back to writing.

Also! Keep learning new tips and tricks to improve your craft. I think a lot of fear comes from confidence and confidence takes many years of failure and learning from that failure to develop.
 

Cal_Darin

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Hey!

So, I'm a newbie author overall (working on getting a few shorter stories published and chipping away at a novel), but I got some really good advice from some people more experienced than me.

Everything counts. It's not a waste of time. Whatever you get down on the page isn't necessarily going to be good, but it's still WORK.

I keep a running document of 'scraps' from my other work. Stuff that I wrote and didn't like. It's longer than the first draft of my book (which if I'm being honest kinda belongs in there). But I keep those things to remind me that I have gotten stuff done, even if that stuff wasn't that good, and can then learn from it.

Sorry for the ramble. I guess the TL-DR summary is- Even if what you produce isn't well received, you can learn from it and it still counts to what you've written!
 

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As Ari said, it’s unlikely that no one likes what you write.

There’s a difference between not liking something, and hating on it. Not-likers may offer useful critique.

There’s a difference between critique, and hating on something. Be open to genuine critique. You don’t have to agree with it, it may still sting, but try to learn from it.

Try to focus on feedback from those who like what you write. Save good feedback. Cherish it, bask in it, take it out and rub it all over like a salve when bad feedback hits to remind yourself that someone liked your work.

Disclaimer: I still fear bad feedback.
 

lizmonster

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One thing that might help is not thinking of failure as a binary. It's not. Everybody has failures, small and large. Everybody has successes, small and large. A failure doesn't mean there won't ever be successes, just as successes don't mean there won't ever be failures.

We don't "get over" the fear, I don't think. We just learn to live with it, and keep going.
 

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An apology if the question sounds like a noob, but it's something that I deal with constantly.

I constantly question myself "what if no one likes my story?" I really don't want to waste time. I don't know if all the effort would be worth my time.

If you need people to like your story, you have a potential problem. If you hope people like your story and recognize that some will and some won't, you may be able to leverage the fans against the haters and come out on top.

Indie authors I know say that they've learned to enjoy bad reviews because it tells them that people are reading and thinking and giving feedback they can use and learn from. It also tells them that the positive reviews are genuine too. But it took a couple books to get there.
 

Blinkk

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Don't think of it as failure. Someone once told me, "Whatever you do, don't stop." Instead of viewing it as success/failure, I just think about it as "Don't stop." Just keep going*.

If you reach a point where you stop writing, then you've failed.

*There is a tiny tiny footnote here, and you should keep going as long as you keep learning. Doing the same unsuccessful thing over and over again is certain death. Doing one unsuccessful thing and learning from it is the right way. Just keep going.
 

vicky271

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An apology if the question sounds like a noob, but it's something that I deal with constantly.

I constantly question myself "what if no one likes my story?" I really don't want to waste time. I don't know if all the effort would be worth my time.

I watch a lot of movie reviews on Youtube. There are some filmmakers who put plenty of effort into their films, and yet their films still end up being the butt of the jokes among the Youtubers and their commenters. My worst fear is that my story will end up in one of the mocking Youtube videos.

I'm still writing. Just that the fear is constantly eating me and it gives me no peace.

"Making" that fear go away is all you. You're the only one who has the power to get rid of it. A good start is to take to heart some of the comments people have written already. There are some good advice and good stuff.

Remind yourself that you're writing a story primarily for you. When you start feeling afraid, start writing. Improve. Improve. Instead of worrying about what others think, worry about the quality and the quantity. Look at you can make your story better. TASTE is SUBJECTIVE because there is no right or wrong. No matter what you write, someone is and isn't going to like it. I know of people who spend so much time moping and complaining about how they think they suck and how they think no one will like their writing, and they could be spending that energy on the craft. Never feel like you shouldn't be afraid because fear is part of being human, and everyone must have the room to express themselves, but make sure your fear isn't taking up your craft energy. If you want to improve, and you want someone to read your story, you have to write it! :)

Also, just wondering if you're referring to CinemaSins, the Youtube channel where people point out all the flaws in movies (CinemaSins itself is meant as humor, and not suppose to be taken seriously. It's there for a good laugh. There's mocking, and then there's joking. While they inter-lap, they're not always the same. In CinemaSins case, it's a joke.).
 

lilyWhite

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See, I happen to like a lot of things that it's Cool to Hate on the internet. These are things that you can't simply mention without someone jumping down your throat about them. According to "The Internet", they're the worst things ever, they're complete failures, the creators are utterly disgraced, everyone hates it, et cetera et cetera.

But of course, all of those things are completely false. There are things that "The Internet" whines about that are in fact hugely popular. There are things that "The Internet" complains about that sold extremely well in spite of the scorn. Sure, they might have flaws—but they do indeed have many fans.

So don't worry about what "The Internet" thinks, because "The Internet" is often just a vocal minority, an echo chamber enforced by making spaces uninviting to dissenting opinions. I've been where are you before, and I came to the conclusion that I don't really care what the people who make it Cool to Hate something think at all. I'd actually much rather write something that sort of person dislikes, to be honest.

If I could become the equivalent of Nickelback or George Lucas in my genre, I'd take that in a heartbeat. Gladly.
 

April Swanson

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I'd block out the internet as much as possible. Seriously, don't read comments, stay away from anything that isn't serving you. I'd also question the point of watching loads of reviews; all that stuff is fuelling your critical mind, which gets in the way of creativity.

As others have said, the fear never goes away. Ever. It's basically an exercise in determination and willpower – you have to write through it. I know how hard it is as I struggle with it myself. I think you have to tap into that original joy of writing. If you write because you want validation from others then you might need to think hard about whether writing is for you. Writing is a constant mental battle. I wouldn't do it if I didn't love it – even if that love is often buried deep down.
 
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CaliforniaMelanie

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This doesn't pertain exclusively to novels, but it may be relevant.

I write for a living. Usually, I write articles or website content. I've been doing this since 1999.

I had no education when I managed to land my first writing job (in-house, at a trade magazine; writer/editor). It was something of a fluke, as a college degree was (obviously) required and I didn't have one. They took a chance on me anyway.

I was 32 years old and, having told anyone who would listen that I was "going to be" a writer since I was 7, had finally landed my first actual writing job EVER. This was my brass ring. I had always told myself I would be a "real writer" once someone paid me for my work.

But weirdly, every single month, with every single article, department and mini-feature, I was terrified that THIS time they'd realize what a horrible writer I was. My secret would be out and I'd be fired. So although I'd dreamed that a real writing job (which this was, full-time) would make me a "real writer" and mean that I could "really write," that didn't come true.

What happened instead is that I moved the bar. I considered it luck and a fluke that I'd been able to interview with the company (long story) and I knew it wasn't exactly creative writing, so I decided I'd be a "real writer" when someone wanted to pay me for an original article I'd conceived myself (not something someone else outlined and I then wrote).

In 2005 that's what happened. I began working from home and websites were paying me to write.

Did that mean I had finally succeeded? No. After that I moved the bar. FINALLY, I was going to write my novel. I kept putting it off. My final, ultimate terror was, and is, being rejected for something I conceived AND wrote entirely, without ANY direction or requirements. This of course meant (means) a novel.

Guess what? I am STILL terrified that this time - that's right, coming up on 20 years of being paid for writing later - I will finally be discovered for the fraud and horrible writer I am. I still do not feel I've succeeded and a niggling little feeling tells me that even if I finish and sell this novel, I'll just move the goalposts again.

I've been paid to write for two decades now and I still fear failure with every word I put on the page.

The good news? After I submit my writing, I generally feel pretty good about it. And yes, it's generally well-received. But while I thought that "real writers" don't fear failure, I have discovered that's wrong. Writing is an art. Even when it's directly outlined, with requirements (as my articles frequently are), it still comes from the heart. It's still a piece of me. Yours is a piece of you. THAT'S why we fear failure. Because we believe that if someone doesn't like our writing, then that person doesn't like us. We "are" failures from the deepest possible place, in our own minds, anyway. (Actually, that awkward sentence should prove I'm a terrible writer, LOL! I digress...)

Do you write right now? Then you're a writer. Period. You have already succeeded. You're doing something that a comparatively very small percentage of the population can do. It may not seem that way here on the internet, where you can't swing a dead cat without hitting another writer, but it's true. You're an artist. Right now. And art can't fail.

Write. We need your words! I want to read them.

ETA: I've already gone back and edited this run-on sentence-peppered post. Twice. I STILL don't think the post is good. And I never, ever will. I rest my case. :D
 
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Lolly12

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As Cal Darin says, none of it is time wasted. Every time you write, you find things out and it all adds up to improving. And so what if the first novel or short story isn't as good as you'd like it to be? You'll get better the more you do it.

I've written some unmitigated tosh from time to time. Doesn't mean there isn't some fine work in me too.
 

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Any creative pursuit risks failure, so there's no point starting if you can't accept that.

But is does depend on your definition of failure and success. For me, success is defined by writing and completing a story, article or novel. It's nice to get sales and good reviews, but nothing comes close to the satisfaction of completing a work.
 

Cal_Darin

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I've written some unmitigated tosh from time to time.

I think most of what I write is 'unmitigated tosh' truth be told. It's then edited and polished into something more palatable.

Another piece of advice-- find yourself a critique group! I got lucky and found one that meets in person weekly. Presenting work to them made it easier to handle sending it out (plus they gave really good advice!)
 

Lolly12

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I think most of what I write is 'unmitigated tosh' truth be told. It's then edited and polished into something more palatable.

Another piece of advice-- find yourself a critique group! I got lucky and found one that meets in person weekly. Presenting work to them made it easier to handle sending it out (plus they gave really good advice!)


Same here, the polishing is what makes it readable for others. And that's the real work of writing I feel.
 

Cal_Darin

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Same here, the polishing is what makes it readable for others. And that's the real work of writing I feel.

Oh ABSOLUTELY. Gotta track down what I call "errant 7s"... Places where, somehow, for reasons I'll never understand, my finger slipped and the digit "7" found its way into the middle of an otherwise whole word.
 

Another User

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Thank you all for your kind responses! I'm just back from some time of business and I didn't expect to see so much replies :)

Maybe I'm being too critical of myself. I've seen a load of bad writers with big ego out there, people who think they are the best and produce horrible work. I vow to myself to never be that person. I watch reviews to learn how to avoid the flaws. But the more I watch, the less I'm sure about myself.

I just thought about the problem today. I logged in and saw all the responses. Now I feel like writing again :)
 

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I have trouble when confronting other people. Judo. PVP video games. Arguments. Phone calls. The greatest thing that happened to me was a retail job where I had to answer the phone dozens of times a day and deal with the public constantly. It didn't fix me. I didn't magically become a social butterfly. But I did get this huge wealth of practice.

I would look for a place where you can show your writing to many people and have to deal with the feedback over and over and over. Posting some of your writing on social media could do that. It would be very hard to deal with but it would be a great experience.

- Mark Charke