I compare it to how I pay my therapist, and I don’t mind spending our interactions talking exclusively about me and my problems, and presenting the really ugly and irrational parts of myself, because I’m paying him. It doesn’t enrich his life much by having someone there who whines about themselves the whole time, except through monetary value. I guess because I don’t think my manuscript is ‘book worthy’ yet, I feel bad about asking someone to read it when I currently think it’s not ‘good enough’ in the same way I’d feel bad about having very me-based conversations with my therapist if I wasn’t paying him. I will examine this further in myself, thank you all for highlighting it to me.
This is very much what beta-reading can be like. I mean, I'm not sure therapy is the first thing that comes to my mind, but I don't think your analogy is necessarily that far off. It depends on the individual arrangement. A lot of times, a good beta-read can lead to a kind of partnership/collaboration where people bounce ideas back and forth, work on problems, provide reassurance, etc. A lot of those last even once someone's published, even many times, because it's a hard thing to find anywhere else in the publishing process. Editors edit, etc. Agents sometimes fill this role as well, a bit, but usually a little more on the business-y side (though not always).
Of course, not all beta-reads work out that way. Some are just high-level reads. Some are closer to copy-edits. It comes down to finding something that helps. And like any critique, the reading can often help as much as being read, so it's not entirely true that you're just taking. Some people just enjoy the reading, too. You'll get out of it what you put in, like anything.
The reason I want some advice is so I can see whether or not I’m on the right track about what I think is wrong, and do I think the reasons behind what is wrong is the same reason other people think that thing is wrong? For example, do I think the MC is too 2D because her actions are very gratuitous, and do others think that the MC is too 2D because there seems to be no intelligence behind how she is portrayed?
I do realise that’s getting slightly into cornflake’s point that lots of advice saying different things can have at it’s root a common problem. Perhaps this is also about seeing if people think what I think are the ‘major problems’ are major problems, or if they’re better/worse than I think.
This, too, is very much beta-reading. The hardest part is that you'll get some conflicting feedback, but this is, in a way, actually the most valuable part, because it gives you a chance to see where divergence occurs and that gives you more data to figure out what might be going wrong. It is a very good tool for identifying what might be wrong when you're not quite sure, but your gut is telling you
something's not right.
To address VBB’s point of vanity publishing though, I thank you for your concern and I am weary of this being a potential pitfall, but since I’ve already resolved in myself that publishing is not the ultimate goal (more a pleasant side effect if it comes around) it probably won’t be that much of an issue.
I get this.
It's just there are "vanity" editors and even beta-readers, too. And the whole self-publishing services thing, which is a minefield with the occasional bit of gold floating through it. Money should flow towards the writer. That's Yog's Law. It applies to all stages of the process.
It's OK not to worry about it at this point as long as you do the research when it comes time.
I think it’s a lot better than what it was previously when I first posted the first 2000 words or so on SYW. I took the advice given then and developed another re-write that deals with a lot of the original issues. But I can tell from looking at it now it is still lacking in something. Sometimes, I think the characters are 2D, sometimes I think the plot isn’t inspiring enough, sometimes, I think the ‘with-held information’ is uninteresting and doesn’t draw the reader in, sometimes I think I’m still not seeing what the issue is. I’ve tried very hard to work on each of these issues. I’ve read the advice on how to deal with them, I’ve pulled apart each paragraph, I’ve done diagram after diagram, I still don’t think I’m dealing with it.
And finally, there is a recognition that this manuscript will never be the bible. It’ll never be some sort of perfect, inconceivably amazing, life-changing thing and I know this. Funnily enough, I have this habit for reading authors in reverse and it warms me to read their recent stuff (better), then their older stuff (worse) and know that I will get better with every novel I write.
However, this manuscript is important to me, and I still think it’s got a lot of problems with it and I am unhappy with it currently.
I very much get this. It's hell, but it means you're a writer now.
For ex: I have a MS on query right now. I like it a lot--many days I wonder how I actually managed to write it--but there are still sleepless nights about parts of it I don't think are up to scratch. It has a weird cold open, and I dropped the words "chiaroscuro" "ecclesiastical" in my first paragraph, which I'm sure is going to just hook me
all the readers
. Its MC is a trickster god who has no idea how to use her own magic and so spends a large part of the story in this semi-bewildered improvisational state that some people seem to love while others hate. I have this nagging suspicion that Chapter 7 is still, basically, dysfunctional, which is a problem because it's supposed to motivate the whole plot. On the worst nights, I worry the entire thing is too absurd, will never make sense to anyone but me, and that no-one will get the extremely bizarre ending
It's been through beta-readers, many of whom have, in fact, pointed out some of these issues, which I have, in turn, worked on. From a technical perspective, I'm at a point where I don't know what more I can do. I've also spent seven years on it, and that sunk cost fallacy kicks in. I could do another round of betas, but it wouldn't ease my fears. I've looked at the feedback, looked at all the places it diverged, run it past my own instincts for what the book
is, and this is what I got. Ergo, it is
Done. On to querying agents, receiving polite rejections, and writing another (extremely weird) book.
So at the risk of being honest: this is kinda what it's like. It's not just that it will never be perfect, but that you'll have these passing moments of sheer terror, like you've shown up to the exam without a pencil or any pants. It's part of Impostor Syndrome. Some people get over it, or never get it at all. Others struggle with it every time. I get it with query letters, too, constantly thinking I've sent one with a horrible mistake to my top agent. (Or worse: I use a similar filename format for my query letters and referee dismissal reports. It's entirely possible I've sent a couple red card reports to agents and possibly a SFF novel to the discipline committee.)
All you can do is get on with it. Sometimes I find it helps to remember that you're a writer, and neurosis is in the job description.