your "List"

plutopotato

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Nov 29, 2018
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texas
12.1.18
...

mayhaps everyone creates this list.
a list of unrealistic, or more often
hyper realistic
people i've mentally fucked.​
those who i would and sometimes have,
often will,
try on.
once their initiation is set,
the scene once explored,
is now run rampant.
the imaginative
touch of their fingers
a close up look of lashes
the feel of their crooked
rarely perfect teeth.​
your own kinks & fantasies
playing out in curious,
incredibly entertaining detail.
the assumed texture of cool skin;
the awareness and recoil if the imagined,
usually never discovered,​
expectations are in fact shattered
by realistic awareness.
shrouded & in memorium when
truth surfaces & breaks mental tension.
their hands are clammy.
their teeth veneers.
married & happy.

in that moment though,
they're yours to explore.
a warm breath, sweet oils,
a tiny skip of anticipation.
the strangely amourous
scent of sweat & pheramones
linger as a backbeat to
your mind's creation & fixation.
memories of the nostalgic variety
becoming clear with the new attribution.
they have no idea.
the way they lean into your words.
playing with a straw wrapper.
watching intently some meaningless sport activity.​
you're placing them in the center of your subliminal
fantasy, using their rapt expression as a signal to
continue this mental quest & conquer.
they lick their lips.
slide a hand against
the top of the chair &​
my gaze is aloof, i will not
show my internal deviance.
my hearing drowns as i notice only the
traits necessary to my personal agenda.
i only see their
flushed cheeks
precious tendrils of face framing locks,
the way they lean into the table.
that lisp.
that accent
the way they say my name.​
a moment of pause decends as
my mind races through possibilities.
a moment that i can
replay
eternally.​

and then
it happens​
while you are staring at this person
in all of this fantasy glory
they turn
their eyes twinkling
a malicious smirk
playing on the corners of their lips
and ask you
how is he doing​
your mind then shatters back to your reality
and that human,
that you loved,
that was your world,
an hour ago - before this started​
comes crashing down on your mental parade
and becomes this anchor
this ball and chain
this source of animosity
that's keeping your from everything
you ever wanted
in that moment.